Six months

SixMonths

We are six months into 2018 already, where did that go? It’s been a fairly busy year for me so far though so I thought I would catch you up on the progress of the goals I was set at the beginning of the year.

However before I do that, a few people have mentioned to me that although they enjoy reading about the various goings on in my life they miss the more graphic and sexually oriented posts that used to be more common on here.

I understand, I know you want that stuff but there are two problems. Firstly I have been pretty much posting every week for this whole year which is a massive upswing on previous years. The problem with posting that much is I need to find things to write about and there just aren’t enough sessions to fill up all those posts. Which brings me on to the second problem which is that we haven’t had many proper sessions at all lately due to all sorts of other things that are going on in our lives.

The most interesting thing (from your point of view) that we have done is test out Mistresses new “cane”. Which is actually a very thin but sturdy metal bar that she decided would be good to use as a cane. The thing about canes rather than something like a panel is that they have very little surface area so if you swing a cane and a paddle with the same force the paddle will slow down as it catches the air much more than a cane. Also the force of the impact is spread over the surface of the paddle which is larger than the canes, all of which means the cane hurts more and leaves more of a mark, in my experience.

This metal cane is nasty! Mistress gave me thirty swats in groups of five and after the first I was struggling to hold my position. It’s a really stingy feeling when it hits which isn’t my favourite feeling from an impact toy, it borders on non-fun pain which is why this particular cane is going to be reserved for punishments, or so I’m told.

So, yes I understand you want more of that stuff and I have a couple of ideas of things I can resurrect from the past and write about, the “dogging week” for example, and also Mistress and I intend to do some playing soon which I will also write about, although at the moment it’s just too damn hot for those shenanigans!

In the meantime, my goals update:

goal12Submit to a permanent body modification of my choosing.

This is absolutely complete now. My nipples have been transformed into beautiful little hearts via tattoos around them the same colour as my nipples, and I am so happy with how they turned out. Also, my septum has now been pierced and it currently healing up nicely. We have replaced the ring that I was wearing turned up into my nose with a small plastic thing which is stretching the hole a little wider whilst staying invisible to anyone who sees me.

Spend four weeks in chastity.

This is still pending but is definitely going to happen and I’m not looking forward to it at all. There won’t be a belt or anything, just a complete lack of any sexual contact from anyone. At least it will be a break from the daily ruined orgasms I suppose!

Contact and make peace with the person who caused her to leave London.

This has now happened and I have to say I do feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me. It’s weird because I didn’t really think about it anymore and it didn’t affect me on a day-to-day basis but I do feel…I don’t know, freer.

Give an orgasm to 52 people that she hadn’t met before 2018.

This is still on target and I should easily do it by the end of the year as the current count is 38 which is composed of:

  • 21 men
    • 11 oral
    • 4 vaginal
    • 5 anal
    • 1 hand
  • 16 women
    • 13 oral
    • 2 fingers
    • 1 dildo gag
  • 1 trans
    • 1 oral, anal & vaginal

Speak to her mother every other day.

Not an exciting one but I know it has had a positive effect on my mother. My sister has also started calling her on the days in between so she never goes a day without speaking to one of us. It can feel like a chore at times but once I’m speaking to her I know it is worth it.

FYI, she wants to organise the whole wedding!

Achieve an average daily views count of 500 on this blog.

This is proving a real challenge and I don’t know if I’ll be able to achieve it. At half way through the year I’ve just beat 2017’s total views (which was by far my best year until now) but I’m still coming out at an average of 483 views per day currently. Bearing in mind that 2017’s average was 234 a day that’s still pretty good, just not good enough.

Buy a new house with me (Mistress).

This is happening, it’s a long process with lots of external factors but it all seems to be going through. The house we found is perfect, or at least it will be once we gut half of it, rebuild, redecorate and then build a proper room in the basement to deck out as a dungeon/play room. We expect to have the keys in the next couple of months.

Have her septum pierced.

Done, as I mentioned before the piercing is done and healing and already being stretched in preparation to take a sort of flesh tunnel thing. We are talking to someone about making that permanent, so at least very tight-fitting so if you were to look directly up my nose (why you’d want to I’m not sure) it would look sort of integrated into my nose and won’t move around. Once that’s done Miss will be able to thread whatever she wants through it, padlock, leash etc.

Experience Domming a submissive.

This still hasn’t really got off the ground although I know Mistress is going to force the issue at some point, Miss Hannah has already suggested that she can give me some pointers so I know it is being discussed between Mistress and her Dominant friends.

Achieve two of her fantasies.

This is half done, I have completed a weekend with a trans person and will write about that soon. The other one that WILL be completed this year is to have a Torture Galaxy scene recreated on me. If you aren’t familiar with their work you should check it out, it is very extreme. If you want to suggest one of their scenes in the comments Miss will take opinions into account when deciding which one to undertake.

Fully expose her lifestyle to at least one person who has known her in real life for more than five years.

I’ve not got anywhere with this one, I sort of have a person in mind and have begun to express somewhat more liberal views on sex and sexuality when talking to them in recent weeks but I’ve not even broached the concept of BDSM to them, I’ll keep you informed!

Exceed her current “most painful torture”.

tg_screw

This, I have no doubt, will be achieved in the torture galaxy scene which promises to be brutal and extreme. As depicted to the right he doesn’t hold back with what he inflicts on the girls and I know that Mistress can be every bit as sadistic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Control and Humiliation

ControlHumiliation

There are two “feelings” that I enjoy a lot, well I say enjoy but what I really mean is love/crave/NEED otherwise I start to feel…I don’t know how to describe it….”wrong”. Those two feelings are the feeling of being controlled by another person and the feel of humiliation.

Control

Mistress controls me in a multitude of ways, there are rules that I must follow all the time and there are jobs that I must attend to so that she doesn’t have to. For instance there is a rule that I must always wear lingerie no matter where I’m going or what I’m doing because she wants me to be “dressed for sex” 24/7 and I do all of the housework and cooking because she decided that she wanted domestic service to be one of the roles I perform for her.

Those are examples of overt ways in which she controls my actions and my appearance but she also controls my behaviour. I don’t mean that she micromanages every interaction I have and friends and colleagues would hardly notice it but through her training my behaviour has definitely changed, especially when I am around her.

I think in general it can be characterised by being more aware of myself, more aware of how I am sitting, how my body is positioned, where I am sitting and also what comes out of my mouth versus what my brain is thinking. I’m not saying I didn’t pay attention to these things before but it feels sort of heightened now, she has altered the way my brain operates in very subtle ways.

I love all of this, I love that she has moulded me to be what she wants from what I wear to what I do and even to how I think. She has influenced every part of my being and I adore her for it, it is everything a Dominant should be. I know any people just want to be a dominant that disciplines a slave and concentrates on the S&M side of things and I used to be very much about that side but this relationship, this deepness of control is what I now realise I have craved all of my life. The fact that I am a masochist and she is a sadist are just icing on the cake!

However, all of the above is now just a part of my everyday life, there is one other aspect that is more noticeable to me and it gets my pussy pulsing every time. When I became her full-time submissive I gave up the usernames and passwords to all of my online systems, iCloud, iMessage, WhatsApp, Email, Tumblr, WordPress, Fetlife, CollarSpace…literally everything, her finger print is even registered on my phone. And if I sign up for something, no matter what it is, I add the details to a system that she controls. I can view and add to it but I can’t delete anything from it (not that I would).

The upshot of this is that if you have messaged me, emailed me, whatever, there is a possibility she has read it. I’m not saying she spends every night trawling through my messages but I do know she looks at them from time to time and reads anything that piques her interest. I have absolutely no privacy from her whatsoever.

The main “system” that she uses and that turns me on though is Find My Friends. I share my location with her but she doesn’t reciprocate and the way she uses it I absolutely love. Once it was set up she never mentioned it again, I’ve never seen her on it and she doesn’t ring me up and tell me she knows where I am or anything like that but I know she watches me.

It comes out in a very indirect way, for instance this lunch time I went to a coffee shop with two colleagues and about thirty seconds after I entered, whilst still queuing, I got a text from her telling me what to order. My insides were clenching up as I ordered exactly what she’d told me and when I got it I sent her a snapchat of it with just a little heart as a response, she texted “Good girl” and that was it.

It was just a small exchange but the implications are huge, she knew I’d left work for lunch, which I do at a random time whenever I am ready, and she knew where I’d gone for lunch. It’s weird, for a vanilla person it would be a huge invasion of privacy but for me all I got was a nice warm protected feeling and wet knickers.

Humiliation

This is not the same as embarrassment at all, I really dislike feeling embarrassed. I don’t like to be laughed at or feel like I am the brunt of some joke, I was bullied at school to some degree (nothing major) and embarrassment brings back those feelings of being excluded and ridiculed which is not something that turns me on.

Embarrassment is when someone sticks something on your back and everyone knows and laughs about it except you, I think it being non-consensual is a big part of it. Humiliation is different, for me at lease, humiliation is allowing something to happen that brings you feelings of shame.

I’ve been naked in front of strangers more times than I can count but I still get that feeling every single time. I still blush, feel the need to avert my gaze and always, always feel that warmth growing between my legs. Mistress knows exactly how to push my buttons and she has this thing that she likes to do in these situations where I am meeting someone for the very first time. She doesn’t do it every time, that would make it predictable, but often enough that I am always nervous that it is coming.

First she introduces me and it is quite normal, a shaken hand or a kiss on the cheek, that sort of thing. Then she will explain that I am her submissive, that I obey what she tells me to do. Bare in mind I don’t know the other person and have no idea if they are in the scene, just aware of the scene or are completely vanilla unless we are in a context that would give it away.

Miss knows a lot of people and we visit her friends and acquaintances quite often, I don’t know in advance if these are vanilla meetings or not, sometimes we have a cup of tea and discuss politics, sometimes I kneel naked and nose-to-nose with a complete stranger, it keeps things interesting.

Anyway, so after introductions she will tell me to undress in some way or another, remove my top of dress or jeans. She never does it for me, that would activate my submissiveness and I would be straight into that mode whereby I let her do whatever she wants with me and she is my entire world. No, she has me do it myself so that I feel the awkwardness of someone I don’t know watching me expose my body, first in my underwear and then inevitably my modified breasts and then my hairless pussy.

It doesn’t end there though, invariably I will be told to “present” a particular part of my body. These are positions which Mistress has taught me and drilled me on until I do them perfectly. For example, if I am told to present my mouth I kneel, up with my knees shoulder width apart, wrists crossed behind the small of my back, head tilted back and mouth open.

Other examples are “display your breasts” which involves pushing my chest out and cupping my breasts whilst turning my head to the side and the more humiliating “present your pussy” whereby I must stand with my legs spread quite wide, arms folded behind my back and sort of thrust my groin out at the person. That one is humiliating because it is just a bizarre position to put your body in, it is lewd, but also because my pussy is almost always glistening with wetness.

The final one is the one I find the most humiliating and therefore possibly the biggest turn on. “Present your ass” involves bending at the waist with legs spread, gripping my ass cheeks and pulling them apart to expose my asshole. I don’t know why but there is something deeply intimate about your asshole and pulling your cheeks apart to display it, feeling the air on it and knowing someone is looking at it is very humiliating for me and doing this in front of anyone, especially a stranger is a huge, horrible, turn on for me.

I say horrible because that’s what it is. I don’t know how this works for other people but for me there is a definite love/hate sort of situation going on with this side of my desires. I love it because I hate it. Inwardly I cringe every time I have to do something like this and parts of my brain scream at me not to degrade myself like this but it’s the fact that I am unable to “normalise” it that maintains the attraction I think.

In other news…

Mistress found a new “cane” that she intends to use on me. It is a long and very thin metal …erm, stick, I suppose. I don’t know where she got it but it looks wicked and is going to sting so much! Here it is resting on a butt plug, no reason other than it was what I had to hand:

IMG_1504

Orgasms

Orgasms

I see a lot of things on Lois’ tumblr about female orgasm denial. Some of it is valid and some of it is complete nonsense so I wanted to attempt to explain why I initiated my subs current orgasm regime. Some of this Lois is aware of but other parts may be news to her too.

As I’ve mentioned before, and this is definitely not news to her, Lois had completely unlearned anything that she had previously learn about being a submissive. It was in her, I knew that the first time we met but she was undisciplined and far too focussed on her own pleasure than anyone who calls themselves a submissive should be.

It wasn’t entirely her fault I don’t suppose, she had been single for a long time and I think it is hard for a person to maintain what I would call “proper discipline” whilst single and playing with various different people who often are merely playing at being a Dominant themselves.

Let me just stop her to clarify something, being a submissive has nothing to do with being a masochist. Yes often the two often go hand in hand but this is definitely not always the case. Lois happens to be both but the two should not be confused or interchanged, being a masochist means that you enjoy pain, you get pleasure from it in the moment. I myself have enjoyed receiving pain on occasion but I am not even slightly submissive (and yes I have tried and proved this point). Being a submissive is, in my opinion, a deeper calling somewhat akin to a vocation. She IS a submissive and gets deep fulfillment (not pleasure but fulfillment) from submitting to another person and giving that other person what they want.

Whilst I understood the reasons for Lois’ seeming lack of training when we met I wasn’t about to just live with it and so I instigated various rules for her to follow, some had good reasons and others were just to keep her int he mindset that she is not just free to do whatever she wanted anymore. The majority of her free time, her mind and her body now belonged to me which included one particular aspect, orgasms.

Lois has quite a high sex drive and up until we met she was masturbating twice a day, literally twice every single day. Once when she woke up before she got out of bed and once just before she went to sleep. And that doesn’t even count any ad-hoc little adventures she had whilst watching porn or doing whatever with random people. That is a lot in my opinion, especially for a sub and I wasn’t about to let it continue.

I know she has talked about this on here before but I will reiterate what the “regime” that I am referring to entails, the easiest way being to quote our agreement:

([The submissive] is Lois and [the dominant] myself, obviously)

[The submissive] is not entitled to orgasmic release without the express permission of [the dominant] or a third party to whom [the dominant] has granted authority to give permission. [The submissive], with the guidance of [the dominant], will take steps to gain control of her orgasmic release and accidental release will incure a severe punishment of [the dominants] choosing.

[The submissive] will submit to a daily orgasm without release (aka ruined orgasm) to be facilitated by [the dominant].

[The submissive] is entitled to one orgasmic release per seven day period at a time and place of [the dominants] choosing.

[The dominant] has the authority to grant or order orgasmic release at their discretion.

In summary, I tell her when and where she can cum and if she does it without permission I will make sure she regrets it enough to learn to obey her rules.

To understand why I put together the regime of daily ruins with one weekly release you need to understand how men and women differ and why simple chastity is less effective in women than it is in men. The following is what I understand of it and is not necessarily 100% scientifically accurate but it fits with what I have seen in my many years as a Domme to people of various sexual identities.

When you prevent a man from having an orgasm for a long period of time it tends to make him more horny, he begins to see sexual opportunity wherever he goes and often attempts to act on those “opportunities” or, if unable to due to a chastity device for instance, becomes very frustrated which is obviously fun thing to inflict on a sub.

With women, if they don’t orgasm for a long time their sex drive tends to wain and they just become less and less interested in sex which is why a vibrator is a single girl’s best friend. So unless you want to turn your sexy sub girl into a dull housewife then long term chastity is not really the way to go in my opinion.

The way a ruined orgasm works is that you stimulate the persons cock or pussy until their orgasm begins and then cease all stimulation immediately. This is easier to achieve in men because there are more physical signs that it’s time to move your hand, with women I think you need to either be doing it to yourself or know the person pretty well to know when to stop.

I’ve seen a man’s cock jerking around in mid air and not even able to ejaculate from a ruined orgasm which I’m assured is very frustrating and I’ve experienced my own “ruin” and felt the disappointment as my pussy clenched around nothing, going through the physical motions of an orgasm without the wave of pleasure that usually accompanies it, again, frustrating, I won’t be doing that again!

As I mentioned Lois’ sex drive was already very high but I wanted it higher and I wanted it mostly unfulfilled and the daily ruined orgasms are the perfect tool for the job. The build up gets her super turned on and literally dripping wet to the point she now kneels on a tiled floor in the bathroom for it so that the carpet doesn’t get ruined along with her orgasm. In the early days she used to moan and make angry noises when I stopped but these days she takes it with dignity often taking the frustration by digging her nails into her hands or biting her lip.

When it’s done she is simply more horny than she was before and more sexually frustrated and so it goes on until the weekend when I have a sexually supercharged sub on my hands to play with. There is no downside for me.

Lois has described it as like eating your favourite meal every day but never being full which I think is a nice analogy. and a good way for her to feel. We wouldn’t want a sexually satisfied submissive would we?

I hope you find this interesting and hope you discuss it in the comments, I will happily join in if you want to provide your own perspective whether in agreement or disagreement with my own. I know Lois is struggling to find time to write at the moment so hopefully this will be a sufficient filler until she can get back to it.

Good Morning Miss Lois

lesbianlearning

This post refers to things that happened back in December 2016, I started to write this post but didn’t finish it however the events here are relevant to things that I will write about soon so I decided to finish this first.

My Mistresses friend wanted his straight sub to be trained to service girls and between them they had come up with the plan of having me show her the ropes.


I’m a terrible teacher, this is a long running joke amongst my friends and family, if I try to teach anyone anything I end up getting frustrated and annoyed and it usually ends badly. However, teaching another girl to give me sexual pleasure didn’t sound like the worst way to spend a Saturday so I was happy enough to take on the challenge.

After Miss Fiona left in the morning I took a shower and put on some make up, perfume and a little short summer dress. I didn’t bother with underwear, I’d turned the heating up to make sure it was nice and warm I didn’t expect to be wearing my clothes all that long anyway.

The other sub, Sophie, arrived exactly on time at 9am and it was a little awkward as I let her in and showed her into the living room. She was in her late twenties, blonde long hair in a braid, blue eyes and wearing jeans and a pink vest top over her black underwear.

I made us both a cup of tea and sat next to her while we drank and chatted a little about ourselves and our Dominants, she seemed quite embarrassed talking about it and admitted she was very nervous about this. She said she had never felt any attraction to other women at all and wasn’t sure how she felt about being made to do this. She kept tight hold of her cup with both hands long after she’d finished her tea as if it was a shield in front of her.

I reached over and took the cup from her and nudged myself closer as I placed it on the table, then I turned back and slid my hand around the back of her neck and pulled her to me. I kissed her deeply, forcing my tongue into her reluctant mouth and exploring with it as my free hand ran down her back and squeezed her ass cheek.

Eventually I could feel the tension begin to drain from her body and I pulled her tighter against me, my breasts pushing against her bigger ones and her hands, which up until now had stayed flat on the sofa, wrapped around the small of my back and her tongue began it’s own tentative explorations.

The kiss lasted about five minutes and she kept her eyes closed the entire time, I’m not sure if she was imagining her Dom or some other attractive guy or whether she was just getting into it, I’d like to think the latter! I broke it off and whispered in her ear “go up to the bedroom, take your clothes off, put on the blindfold and lie on the bed”, she looked at me blushing and a little flustered and then nodded and left the room.

So far so good, my plan was working:

  1. Get her horny with a passionate kiss, because everyone likes kissing! – Check
  2. Activate her submissive side by ordering her about – Check

I gave her a few minutes to get herself ready and then I followed her upstairs, she was lying on my bed naked and wearing the blindfold as I’d instructed, her legs were tightly closed and her arms were by her sides with her palms up, she was breathing a little heavily.

As I stripped my dress off as I approached her and then I took her ankles in my hands, causing her to jump, and pushed them so she bent her knees and then spread them so that her legs were spread wide and I could see her pussy which was already a little puffy and wet, apparently it had been a good kiss. Time for number three on my checklist:

  1. Give her an orgasm…or two

I gently kissed her inner calf and kept going up, kissing all the way until my cheek brushed her pussy lips as I moved back down and started up the other leg. When I kissed her thighs I could smell and taste the perfume she had sprayed there and was reassured by the fact that she had gone to some effort for me, my final kiss was on her tidy little pussy.

I slid my arms under her legs and held her thighs as I slid my tongue from her ass hole right up deeply between her lips and when I went over her clit she let out quite a loud moan. It is my firm belief that no man can go down on a girl as well as another girl can and I thoroughly introduced Sophie to that concept as I pleasured every part of her pussy with my mouth, fucking her with my tongue and sucking her little clit into my mouth before giving it a gentle bite. She was writhing around on my bed and her flat palms had turned into balled fists grasping handfuls of the duvet as she came with her clit between my lips.

I crawled up her body kissing it as I went, taking a moment to run my tongue around each of her nipples before deeply kissing her again, letting her taste her pussy on my lips and in my mouth. She had her eyes open this time and her cheeks were crimson, I’m not sure if it was from pleasure or embarrassment but she was eagerly kissing me back as I slipped my hand between her legs.

I was careful not to touch her clit directly, it would be too sensitive for now, instead I circled it with my thumb whilst I slowly pushed two fingers in and out of her hole, straight girls are so easy to please!

When I’d got her good and close I rolled over pulling her on top of me and then pushed her head down, She resisted at first until I told her to suck on my nipples and then almost immediately she went to work:

  1. Initiate first contact with another girls body

She was good at it, her tongue circled my nipple teasingly and then she sucked it into her lips and bit gently in the same way I’d done to her. Her mouth was hot and her tongue flicked over my nipple in just the right way, I was very wet.

I let her spend five minutes pleasuring each of my nipples because I knew she was reluctant to take the next step and, well, it felt good! But she was here to learn and I was there to teach so without speaking I placed my hand in her hair and pushed her head down.

  1. Make her take the plunge!

She ran her tongue up my slit barely touching me like she was scared of the taste, the tip of her tongue running just between my lips. The second lick though was stronger, a tiny bit more confident as gently pulled my lips apart with her fingers. I left her to it, she didn’t need instructions yet, she knew what feels good and she went with that, circling my clit with her tongue and then sucking it in replicating her actions with my nipples, it felt good and I let her continue for a while whilst I moaned.

Eventually I pushed gently on her head and said “push your tongue into me, fuck me with it”. To her credit she didn’t hesitate, I don’t know if she was getting into it or if she had just decided to go for it but her tongue pushed into me and I moaned louder. She had me close but I need clit stimulation to cum so I told her to suck my clit, then to bite it and I came and closed my legs round her head and she continued to lick until the tension left my body again.

She crawled back up me, her face was covered in my juices and this time I could tell her red cheeks were from embarrassment, I said “thank you” and kissed her before moving her to my side. I took her hand and pushed it between my open legs placing my hand on top of hers so I could guide her fingers to where I wanted them.

As I did with her I controlled her fingers to circle and rub and then when I was close again I moved my hand between her legs so that we fingered each other. I controlled my orgasm as best I could until I saw she was ready and then we came together, both clamping our legs together on other others hand.

We lay in each others arms for a while after that, I didn’t look at her because I knew she was embarrassed to be in this situation with another girl. I know the first time I was with a woman I was very confused about how good it felt even though at the time I firmly believed myself to be 100% straight.

She spoke first saying “you’re so good at this, it felt so good, I don’t think I’ve come like that before”. I didn’t really know what to say but before I could speak she said “but I’m straight, I fancy men, it’s just….I don’t know, I liked it”. I told her that it didn’t matter, it didn’t have to mean anything, it’s just sex and fingers are fingers.

I felt like her at first until I let go of it, now I can enjoy sex with any gender because I can completely separate out sex from love and emotional connections. I accept that isn’t how everyone sees it and that it isn’t “right” for everyone but it works for me.

    1. Try some more advanced positions

As the picture at the top suggests I wanted to teach her three things; oral, fingering and the last one was “tribbing”. I left this until last because I think it is a lot more intimate than the other two, it is something that I’ve only every really done with someone I am with rather than with play partners and to be honest I was a little reluctant to do it with someone I just met.

It would get us both into trouble if I didn’t do it though so whilst we laid there I explained what we’d be doing next and then I began to kiss her again to get the mood back.

We positioned ourselves facing each other and put our right legs over the others left so that we could move forward until our pussies pushed against each other and then I started to grind. The obvious intimacy comes from rubbing your pussies together but emotionally your faces are very close together, it’s almost impossible not to look into each others eyes as you pleasure each other.

I didn’t want to kiss whilst we did this, it didn’t feel quite right so I made sure I kept my face a safe distance away. It took her a few minutes of only receiving before she got into it enough to start grinding back and then we were both into it full on.

We ground our increasingly wet pussies together for about fifteen minutes before we came and both collapsed back onto the bed.

I left her to take a shower whilst put my dress back on and went down stairs to make us another cup of tea. When she came down she’d gone all shy again, she didn’t seem to want to talk about what we’d happened and I settled for the fact that she said she thought she would be able to make a girl cum now and look like she knew what she was doing whilst achieving that. She thanked me and we hugged before she left.

About a week later Mistress and I attended a party where Sophie’s Dom had her pleasure one of the Dommes, she was highly successful and my Miss was very pleased with me.

Finger discipline

FingerDiscipline

I’ve mentioned on plenty of occasions how I believe my body betrays me at every available opportunity. To be honest I’m not entirely sure if it is my body itself or if it is my subconscious that is doing the betrayal and my body is just jumping on the band wagon or following orders, it’s hard to tell. It’s a little scary to be honest because I do think that my subconscious has a little too much control over my body.

Normal people leave bodily functions such as breathing and their heart pumping to the parts of their brain that can act without conscious thought and that is fine but I am starting to believe that my own version has slightly larger aspirations than just keeping me alive.

For those that don’t know what muscle memory is I’ll give a definition:

the ability to reproduce a particular movement without conscious thought, acquired as a result of frequent repetition of that movement.

So things like typing or driving use muscle memory heavily so that you don’t have to think about what your hands and feet are doing, you can just concentrate on what you’re writing or where you are going.

Over the past year or so Mistress has been teaching me, more like training me really, to act in the way that she wants. I relish this and take genuine pride in behaving how she expects with very little input required from her especially when I can see that it pleases her. I’ve mentioned before that she can tell me to open my legs and by the time my brain has registered what she has said my legs are already open and recently she told me why.

For months now every time she told me to open my legs (which is quite often by the way!) she has opened them for me as she said the words. Not before, not after but as she spoke the words she pulled my knees apart. I honestly didn’t notice at the time, I’ve long since become used to her touching me and moving my body and just accept it, and it never occurred to me that she was building an association in my subconscious between those words and that action.

Mistress also told me that there are other associations that she has built or is in the process of building in my brain but she refused to tell me what they are, she said it is none of my business. I’m not convinced that is technically true but anyway…

There are other things that I have learnt which are less ingrained but I still believe she has indoctrinated into me. For example if she points at the floor that is a subtle signal for me to kneel at her feet, if she points with the left hand I kneel on the left and vice versa. This sort of thing is very useful for her to assert her control in vanilla settings. At Christmas we were all at my mother’s house, Mistress sat on the sofa and subtly pointed at the floor in front of her. Despite there being several seats free I knelt by her legs much to the confusion of my mother who asked why I didn’t sit on a seat, I just replied that I liked it on the floor which fortunately she accepted without much argument.

Whilst kneeling isn’t something my body does without my input (thankfully!) there is a subconscious element to it. It’s not just following a predefined command, when I see her make that gesture I want to kneel there for her and there is a certain amount of compulsion for me to comply.

Anyway, this is all background and not the point of this post. The reason I went off on this tangent is to demonstrate that I, the neural pathways that constitute the Lois personality, cannot always be held responsible for my actions and therefore it is not my fault that I was awoken on Saturday morning by my own moans with two fingers pushed inside my dripping wet pussy!

Mistress was well and truly awake, propped up on her elbow and had been watching my unconscious masturbation for several minutes when I started to come around (pun intended!). Her first words to me that morning were “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”, which sounds mean but she did have a huge grin on her face when she said it.

I quickly pulled my hand out from under my slip but didn’t know what to do with it, my fingers were coated in juices. Mistress grabbed my hand and wiped my fingers over my face and then she jumped out of bed still holding my wrist and pulling me across it until I almost fell onto the floor out of her side.

I managed to get my feet on the floor and she pulled me around to the foot of the bed and bent me over to lean on it, I knew what was coming and in the hope of winning some favour I reached back and lifted my slip over my ass. This is Mistresses favourite punishment caning position.

In case you weren’t aware I have a bit of a masochist streak so getting whipped, cropped, paddled, flogged and caned isn’t usually an effective punishment or deterrent for me, In fact in less disciplined times I may have intentionally earned such “punishments” however they have usually started with maybe some flogging, then a few paddles and then once I’m warmed up the hot sting of the cane.

Mistresses punishment canings are somewhat different in that they begin with twenty or so full forced swats to my unprepared ass and then end. Whilst I’m usually wet when she’s finished (I refer you back to my opening statement regarding my bodies constant betrayals) they are definitely a punishment and neither the act itself nor trying to sit down at any point in the following few hours is enjoyable…….well maybe a tiny bit! Sssshhhh!

So my Saturday started with a bang, twenty bangs, but then the whole incident seemed to be forgotten. Mistress and I went to Miss Hannah’s house that evening (I may write about that later) and then had quite a relaxing Sunday. However that evening I learn the real punishment for my transgressions.

Mistress claims that this isn’t a punishment but rather an aid to assist in my training to be a better submissive and to control my “wanton sluttiness” better. Every night since Sunday at 10pm I have been locked in my chastity belt until 7am the next morning.

Apparently I have put on a little weight (although I am still within the narrow weight guidelines that Mistress has prescribed for me) because the belt feels quite tight, especially around my pussy which feels sort of “squashed” when I have the belt on. This is a custom-made, very effective chastity belt so it definitely preventing my wandering fingers in the night but it certainly doesn’t allow a comfortable sleep.

Mistress says that if I’m good I will only have to wear it a week but if “the issue” recurs then “we” might need to look at a longer term solution. She left it at that which kind of scares the crap out of me and leaves me massively turned on to be honest!

So, to you the jury, can I honestly be held responsible for the actions of my so-called subconscious? Is it really me who is culpable for the nocturnal masturbation’s of my unconscious body? Or should these charges be thrown out with prejudice?

The defence rests Your Honour.

 

Opposites attract

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When I come home from work all I really want to do is to cuddle up to Mistress and chill for a little bit but here lies a small incompatibility between us. When Mistress gets home from work all she wants to do is sit quietly on her own and read the news apps. I think this disparage is environmental, Mistress deals with people all day in her work and when she gets home she doesn’t want to hear me rabbiting on at her as well whereas I can often feel quite solitary in my job either when I’m working from home or sat in my office at work separated from my staff.

When we first moved in together this created a number of “confrontations”, nothing major, unnecessary hurt feelings etc but eventually we talked about it and came to an understanding with each other. Now when Mistress arrives home she goes and sits in a chair that she likes to read in, I curl up by her feet and lay my head on her leg and she strokes my hair whilst she catches up on the news on her iPad. She gets her quiet time and I get the company and attention that I need.

In reality this happens about once or twice a week as our schedules rarely match up that perfectly and there are the annoying realities of housework, meals and working late intrude upon our lives.

However, one day recently the planets aligned and I found myself naked with my head resting on her fully clothed knee as she ran her fingers through my hair absentmindedly and I daydreamed about nothing in particular, just enjoying the feeling in my hair and then contentedness of being at her feet.

I didn’t even realise she’d stopped stroking my hair until I heard the latex glove snap around her wrist and heard her say “open your legs sweetheart”. I obeyed immediately…

Slight sidenote here but my obedience training has come a long way in recent months to the point where certain common commands like “open your legs” happen immediately. I think even before my conscious brain has had time to process what has been asked of me. Its sort of like muscle memory or maybe that she has found a way to directly access the part of my brain that controls my muscles, I don’t know but it is something that I have really started to notice recently, it’s almost disturbing really! Anyway…

and she reached between them with her gloved hand and ran three fingers up my pussy lips, the middle one pushing between them, entering my hole slightly and running over my clit. Then she sat back in her seat again and told me to close my legs and resumed stroking my hair and reading her iPad. I knew what she’d put on me, I smelt it as her hand went past me and I could already feel its effects on the sensitive skin, she’d smeared tiger balm all over my pussy.

As is her way when she inflicts this sort of “casual torture” on me she didn’t say a word about it, there was no big scene or explanation, just a small act that brought me out of any sort of daydream I was having and focused my attention purely on the intense burning now enveloping my pussy.

I stayed there for about ten minutes keeping still but dying to squirm as my pussy burned unbearably until she gestured for me to get up with a gentle push on my shoulder and I got up and headed to the kitchen to make our food. I blushed as I got up, there was no hiding the copious wetness that was all over my thighs.

I’d been in the kitchen for about twenty minutes when she came up behind me, one hand wrapped around me and she kissed my head as the other slid between my legs (which opened at her touch) and she applied another coat if tiger balm over my pussy and this time ended by sliding a finger about an inch into my ass.

She left the room and I leaned both my hands on the counter and screwed my eyes up, the burning was super intense to the point it was almost a stinging feeling. I composed myself though and finished making the food and when Mistress returned we sat down to eat.

We chatted through dinner but I found it hard to concentrate and squirmed around so much that Mistress had to tell me to sit still. My ass just burned and I got used to that after a short while but my pussy was a more severe sensation and I could feel that it had become puffy and could also feel that it was leaking significantly.

After dinner I cleared up in the kitchen, including wiping clean the mess I’d made on my chair and wiping the copious mess that was smeared all over my groin before heading into the lounge to kneel before Mistress.

As I’ve mentioned before, since the start of the year I have only been allowed one orgasm per week and in between I must endure mandatory “ruined orgasms”. This happens after I have cleared up from our meal, I kneel in front of Mistress with my legs spread wide and my hands on my inner thighs right up at the top so that my thumbs are wrapped around my thighs and my index fingers are touching my pussy lips. When Mistress is ready she will then come and kneel behind me and stimulate my clit with her fingers, she is quite skilled at it and gets me close very quickly.

Despite my knowing that she isn’t going to let me cum properly it seems that the intelligent part of my brain can’t keep track of that and I just fall into the trap of enjoying the sensation every time until she takes me past the point if no return and then stops all stimulation. It takes a lot of self control to hold my position and I’ve failed several times, the sensation is crazy and my body has involuntarily bucked and shaken when it happens before now.

This time though my pussy was swollen and overly sensitive and her touches were painful as well as pleasurable, it took longer than usual to get me there and when she ruined it the burning seemed to start all over again and I instinctively slapped both hands over my pussy. Not to try and save my orgasm, just to, I don’t know, protect it somehow!

She waited patiently for me to resume my position and then started her stimulation’s again. I managed to hold my position this time but tears of frustration rolled down my cheeks as my pussy tensed fruitlessly and she pulled me into a long embrace.

As punishment for moving I slept in the cage that night after Mistress had applied more tiger balm to my nipples, pussy and ass. It was not a good nights sleep!

Ruination

Ruination

In the few weeks since I have been home from the states Mistress has discovered something that seems to bring her great joy and it is something, perhaps surprisingly, that I’d never really heard of before.

It started off one morning before we’d even got up, she moved my hands above my head and slid her fingers between my legs which opened eagerly despite me still being half asleep. She found me already a little wet (who knows what I’d been dreaming about!) and gave my pussy a few spanks for “being such a slut”, by which time I was very much awake!

After the spanks she started to circle my clit int he expert way she does and before long I was pushing back at her fingers as she brought me closer and closer. As my hands gripped around handfuls of bed sheet I begged “Oooohh Mistress please can I come?” and she said yes and I let me orgasm go. However, as I did she stopped all stimulation and just held my legs apart.

It’s a bizarre sensation, it’s like your orgasm happens but without the ecstasy, pleasure or release and you’re left feeling incredible unsatisfied and frustrated. That first time I also felt some anger boil up inside me although I didn’t show it, I just let out a panicked and sharp “Noooo!” as my eyes flew open to stare at Mistresses smiling face and she said “Frustrating isn’t it?” and then jumped out of bed leaving me panting and squirming.

I later discovered she’d done it to herself while I was away to see what it was like and had decided there and then it was something she wanted to inflict on me. As regular readers will know, whilst I was single I masturbated twice a day on average and Mistress believes this was extremely self-indulgent and completely unacceptable for a sub. Since I have been hers she has weened me down to cuming only once every other day and only with her permission, usually with her direct involvement.

I’d heard of male ruined orgasms before, basically just stop touching as they cum and their cock spasm and cums but without any continued stimulation it isn’t particularly enjoyable. The same thing for girls was new to me though and I have to say it is really horrible. Every single time I think I won’t let myself get to into it because I know she’s going to ruin it but then every time I get to a point where I’m just all about getting to the orgasm that she then ruins!

She has process for it now, I kneel with my legs spread and the palms of my hands resting right at the top of my inner thighs, basically as close to my pussy as they can get without touching it. Then she uses her expert skills to bring me to the edge, waits for me to ask and then ruins it, it’s torture quite unlike anything I’ve experienced before. It is so hard to maintain my position, my fingers just next to my clit, knowing the slightest touch would prevent the intense frustration.

On Christmas Eve, despite my Mother and Sister being in the house with us she gave me multiple ruins and I was particularly grumpy that night. Then. on Christmas morning after a massively frustrating day before she gave me a real orgasm and I had to bite the pillow to stop me screaming it was so good and I spent the day in the best mood ever!

At the moment I am getting daily ruins and one orgasm per week, it’s really hard to cope with but I am managing so far. A couple of times she has accidentally pushed me over the edge and not stopped in time, those are possible the most fun orgasms because they are naughty but not my fault, event though I get pussy slaps for them.

So that is Mistresses new favourite thing and unfortunately she is getting really good at it, I haven’t had a real orgasm all week and am looking forward to her allowing me one over the weekend, I’m smiling just thinking about it!

A few people have tried guessing which goal I have succeeded in completing already, some got it right and some didn’t but I will be writing about it soon I promise!