The things

TattooHeader

I tend to write posts about my general life or about specific sessions or scenes that Mistress and I have but today I thought I’d write about a few different, smaller things that Mistress does just to torment me, just because it’s fun.

Once or twice a month Miss has to travel for work, it’s only usually for one night, sort of midday until the next afternoon depending on where she is going, usually a European city. One time she decided that I should stay in the house while she was away and she decided to ensure that I would do so.

About ten minutes before her car picked up her up she produced my locking butt plug, two padlocks and a very long length of metal chain. She took me to the post at the bottom of the stairs and had me pass one end of the chain around it and lock it together with one of the padlocks. Then she had me bend over on the stairs and after using my pussy to lube up the plug she pushed it into me.

A couple of side notes here, firstly my pussy is almost always wet and is nearly the sole source of lubricant for us. Secondly, even closed this plug is quite big and is painful to take, when opened up it feels like you have a football in your ass!

After opening the plug she put the lock onto it and attached the other end of the chain to it and so I was attached by a fifteen metre chain to the post at the bottom of the stairs. There was no discussion about it and I knew better than to question or plead with Miss about it, ten minutes later she was gone.

This wasn’t a major torture although having something that large and heavy in your ass for a long time is quite distracting, it was more of an inconvenience having to trail the chain around with me whenever I wanted to move around the house and sitting in my office chair was a bit uncomfortable but I did have several video meetings whilst I was chained.

That was a fairly mild version of this. Another time is was much more challenging when I was attached in the same way but with a much shorter chain. My wrists were cuffed and attached to a chain that went between my legs and also attached to the plug. I could really move from the bottom of the stairs for just under forty-eight hours.

I was left with a large bowl of water which was too big to lift with my bound hands so I could only lap at the water, a metal dog bowl and a few cans of dog food and a PAYG mobile phone because she wanted to be able to talk to me but not for me to sit there on youtube or tumblr.

It was a bit uncomfortable and the dog food was disgusting but other than that it was just really boring! The highlights were when she called a few times, when the post man came and I got to read the mail and when the paper she had arranged to be delivered arrived, although it was The Sun (a terrible tabloid) which she found the most hilarious part!

Although I am quite a healthy person in that I do plenty of exercise I’m not so good at looking after myself in terms of what I eat and drink, although it has improved since I started cooking for Miss Fiona because she likes to eat healthy and I eat what she wants.

Anyway, to help with this Mistress started to leave me a bottle out in the morning with real, not from concentrate!, fruit juice in it and there was an unspoken understanding that I should ensure it was finished before the end of work, one of my five a day!

This was fine for a couple of months until one day I was in the office and took a drink of my “apple juice”, it was not apple juice and in my surprise I almost spat it out onto my desk. Morning pee is not quite as sweet and tasty as apple juice.

Just like before, nothing was mentioned about this, my bottle was empty when I got home and the next day I had some pineapple juice in it. This happens every now and again, sometimes it is subtle and I hardly notice it, my mango juice is just a bit “off” that day due to Mistresses added ingredient.

About three weeks ago I had a long day of meetings including two with clients and one with the partners of my firm. I had complained to Mistress the evening before that it was going to be a very long and boring day.

DildoPantiesMistress needed to be at work early that day so she left whilst I was still in the shower and it was only after I’d get dried and done my makeup that I went to my underwear drawer and found it empty apart from a pair of latex dildo panties.

The dildo was pretty huge and gave me a very full feeling once I was wearing them. I put on my suit and looked completely normal apart from the blush in my cheeks. I had to practice walking in them for a little while so that I looked completely normal and then I went on with my boring day with my pussy full of rubber.

When I got home I was immensely horny, when the panties came off they had a pool of juices in them and Mistress immediately had me kneel and spread my legs for her. Her fingers felt amazing on my puffy swollen pussy and I actually believed I would get relief right up until she ruined my orgasm and I was left panting and moaning and horny.

The final thing I wanted to recount is when Mistress announced recently that she had booked me a spa treatment as a surprise for “being such a good girl”. I’m not a little but it does give me a lovely feeling when she speaks to me like that.

I arrived at the appointment ready for a massage or a facial and happily announced my name to the receptionist. She replied with a slightly odd smile and said “Oh yes, for the intimate peel?”, my eyes narrowed as thoughts of what that could mean swirled through my mind and I nodded.

There was a consultation first where the woman explained the procedure to me and then she left while I got undressed from the waist down and hopped up onto the table on all fours.

It was somehow even worse than being in this situation in a sexual context, she spread my ass cheeks and applied an ointment all around my ass hole then told me to stay put for ten minutes and then she would come back and “clean me up”, it was mortifying!

Anyway, that is all just some of the random stuff that goes on in my day-to-day life and I must admit I do love it. I love the unexpectedness of it and feeling of being controlled that she keeps present in me even when doing random mundane tasks. She is truly an evil genius of a dominant.

Six months

SixMonths

We are six months into 2018 already, where did that go? It’s been a fairly busy year for me so far though so I thought I would catch you up on the progress of the goals I was set at the beginning of the year.

However before I do that, a few people have mentioned to me that although they enjoy reading about the various goings on in my life they miss the more graphic and sexually oriented posts that used to be more common on here.

I understand, I know you want that stuff but there are two problems. Firstly I have been pretty much posting every week for this whole year which is a massive upswing on previous years. The problem with posting that much is I need to find things to write about and there just aren’t enough sessions to fill up all those posts. Which brings me on to the second problem which is that we haven’t had many proper sessions at all lately due to all sorts of other things that are going on in our lives.

The most interesting thing (from your point of view) that we have done is test out Mistresses new “cane”. Which is actually a very thin but sturdy metal bar that she decided would be good to use as a cane. The thing about canes rather than something like a panel is that they have very little surface area so if you swing a cane and a paddle with the same force the paddle will slow down as it catches the air much more than a cane. Also the force of the impact is spread over the surface of the paddle which is larger than the canes, all of which means the cane hurts more and leaves more of a mark, in my experience.

This metal cane is nasty! Mistress gave me thirty swats in groups of five and after the first I was struggling to hold my position. It’s a really stingy feeling when it hits which isn’t my favourite feeling from an impact toy, it borders on non-fun pain which is why this particular cane is going to be reserved for punishments, or so I’m told.

So, yes I understand you want more of that stuff and I have a couple of ideas of things I can resurrect from the past and write about, the “dogging week” for example, and also Mistress and I intend to do some playing soon which I will also write about, although at the moment it’s just too damn hot for those shenanigans!

In the meantime, my goals update:

goal12Submit to a permanent body modification of my choosing.

This is absolutely complete now. My nipples have been transformed into beautiful little hearts via tattoos around them the same colour as my nipples, and I am so happy with how they turned out. Also, my septum has now been pierced and it currently healing up nicely. We have replaced the ring that I was wearing turned up into my nose with a small plastic thing which is stretching the hole a little wider whilst staying invisible to anyone who sees me.

Spend four weeks in chastity.

This is still pending but is definitely going to happen and I’m not looking forward to it at all. There won’t be a belt or anything, just a complete lack of any sexual contact from anyone. At least it will be a break from the daily ruined orgasms I suppose!

Contact and make peace with the person who caused her to leave London.

This has now happened and I have to say I do feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me. It’s weird because I didn’t really think about it anymore and it didn’t affect me on a day-to-day basis but I do feel…I don’t know, freer.

Give an orgasm to 52 people that she hadn’t met before 2018.

This is still on target and I should easily do it by the end of the year as the current count is 38 which is composed of:

  • 21 men
    • 11 oral
    • 4 vaginal
    • 5 anal
    • 1 hand
  • 16 women
    • 13 oral
    • 2 fingers
    • 1 dildo gag
  • 1 trans
    • 1 oral, anal & vaginal

Speak to her mother every other day.

Not an exciting one but I know it has had a positive effect on my mother. My sister has also started calling her on the days in between so she never goes a day without speaking to one of us. It can feel like a chore at times but once I’m speaking to her I know it is worth it.

FYI, she wants to organise the whole wedding!

Achieve an average daily views count of 500 on this blog.

This is proving a real challenge and I don’t know if I’ll be able to achieve it. At half way through the year I’ve just beat 2017’s total views (which was by far my best year until now) but I’m still coming out at an average of 483 views per day currently. Bearing in mind that 2017’s average was 234 a day that’s still pretty good, just not good enough.

Buy a new house with me (Mistress).

This is happening, it’s a long process with lots of external factors but it all seems to be going through. The house we found is perfect, or at least it will be once we gut half of it, rebuild, redecorate and then build a proper room in the basement to deck out as a dungeon/play room. We expect to have the keys in the next couple of months.

Have her septum pierced.

Done, as I mentioned before the piercing is done and healing and already being stretched in preparation to take a sort of flesh tunnel thing. We are talking to someone about making that permanent, so at least very tight-fitting so if you were to look directly up my nose (why you’d want to I’m not sure) it would look sort of integrated into my nose and won’t move around. Once that’s done Miss will be able to thread whatever she wants through it, padlock, leash etc.

Experience Domming a submissive.

This still hasn’t really got off the ground although I know Mistress is going to force the issue at some point, Miss Hannah has already suggested that she can give me some pointers so I know it is being discussed between Mistress and her Dominant friends.

Achieve two of her fantasies.

This is half done, I have completed a weekend with a trans person and will write about that soon. The other one that WILL be completed this year is to have a Torture Galaxy scene recreated on me. If you aren’t familiar with their work you should check it out, it is very extreme. If you want to suggest one of their scenes in the comments Miss will take opinions into account when deciding which one to undertake.

Fully expose her lifestyle to at least one person who has known her in real life for more than five years.

I’ve not got anywhere with this one, I sort of have a person in mind and have begun to express somewhat more liberal views on sex and sexuality when talking to them in recent weeks but I’ve not even broached the concept of BDSM to them, I’ll keep you informed!

Exceed her current “most painful torture”.

tg_screw

This, I have no doubt, will be achieved in the torture galaxy scene which promises to be brutal and extreme. As depicted to the right he doesn’t hold back with what he inflicts on the girls and I know that Mistress can be every bit as sadistic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dinner party

DinnerParty

A while ago I started to tell you about a dinner party that Mistress and I were involved in but I ran out of time to finish the post because I was going out for my birthday dinner which turned out to be a proposal dinner and you know the rest.

Assuming you’ve read the first part I will carry on where I left off. We’d served drinks and the dominants, three male and three female, were enjoying the service very much as we kept a drink in their hands and provided nibbles (actual food nibbles not what you’re thinking, perverts!).

When it was time to seat the guests three of us approached a Domme each, not our own, and asked politely for them to follow us, then took their drink and led them into the dining room pulling out their chair for them and then unravelling their napkin and placing it across their lap. When we had seated the first group I stayed with them, disappearing into a corner, whilst the other two went back to join Emma (who was still with the three Doms and they repeated the process with the men.

Honestly we put so much effort into the pomp and ceremony of it all but it was worth it because the Dominants loved it! Shortly after we seated them we returned with the starter. The cooks had to stop what they were doing so that we could all take a bowl of the soup and parade into the room carrying it up on one hand, then, in perfect synchronicity with Sophie we laid the bowls in front of them. They all laughed and clapped at our display.

Honestly it probably looked ridiculous, six half naked women marching in with bowls of soup and concentrating so intently on not spilling them and placing them down together.

It only took two of us to maintain the drinks so myself and Emma did that while the two cooks and the other two girls all went back to prepare the main course. I must have been groped by every person sitting at the table in one way or another. One Dom ran his hand up the back of my leg whilst I poured his drink, a Domme did something similar but digging her sharp nails into my inner thigh as she did it. Another Dom tightly squeezed a generous handful of my ass and a Dom and Domme seated next to each other made a valiant attempt to extend my nipples whilst I poured their drinks.

My Mistress reached between my legs from behind and slipped two fingers under the crotch of my thong and then sucked on her wet fingers when she pulled them back out. All the attention had got me good and wet but Mistresses touch was extra special and strangely intimate considering the setting.

The dinner was going without a hitch, we served the main course in the same way as the starter and achieved it flawlessly once more and then once we’d served the desert we all knelt in a row against the back wall as we waited for them to finish.

There were lots of random discussions going on and it wasn’t always easy to hear what was being said but I heard my name several times and at one point my “lesson” with Emma was definitely being discussed as well as my history with Miss Hannah. For those of you that don’t know I have known her for a long time but we met as subs, she was the sub of a friend of my Domme at the time and we spent a lot of time together but lost touch when my relationship ended. When we later reconnected she had become a switch and eventually a full on Domme.

After desert Sophie, one of the other girls and I organised coffee for everyone complete with little mint chocolates and then the subs all retired to the lounge to wait for them to finish, our jobs as cooks and waitresses for the evening was done but our work was far from complete.

The rest of the evening was a mystery to us and there was much speculation between us about how it would go but we all fell silent as the dominants entered the room chatting amongst themselves.

The furniture was arranged so that there were arm chairs and sofas around a coffee table and once seated the dominants all called their subs to kneel in front of them and very quickly every dominant was receiving oral stimulation from their property.

Mistress spread her legs for me, she was wearing a long dress with a high split up on leg so when she spread her legs it slid open to reveal her naked pussy. I immediately buried my head in between her thighs and began to run my tongue between the wet folds and then circle her clit.

After what I later learned was a minute my head was roughly yanked back by my pony tail and Mistress said “Next!”. When I looked around the girl who’d been knelt next to me was crawling to the man that was sat next to her Dom and I quickly realised what was happening. With a quick glance at my Mistresses smiling face I crawled as attractively as I could to fill the other girls place.

The man’s cock was already protruding from his unfastened trousers and glistened with the saliva of his sub, I ran my tongue up it’s length and then took the head into my mouth to begin. I’d barely started to taste his precum when he pulled me off him and and I was sent to the next Dom.

After him there were two Domme’s to satisfy and neither of them were disappointed, both were letting out small moans before they pulled me away and both left evidence of their arousal on my face.

My final spoke in the wheel was a Dom, the host of the party, and I immediately took his well sucked member into my mouth. I figured he was already fairly “ready” so I skipped my usual warm up moves and just pushed my mouth down onto him until my bottom lip was touching his balls and the head was in my throat.

My deep throating skills are definitely improving but I can’t hold it there for long so I took long strokes so that the head of his cock slid out of my throat, got a little attention from my tongue and then slid back in for a few seconds. It became apparent after a couple of minutes that this was our last stop so I quickened the pace and he rested his hand on the back of my head.

I would almost certainly have gagged if he’d cum while his cock was in my throat but thankfully he came while it just in my mouth and I managed to capture every drop of his load even when he pulled my head back and extracted his cock. He looked down at me and said “Don’t swallow” and I nodded as best I could whilst he still held my hair.

I watched Emma bring Mistress to an orgasm with a mix of pride and envy. Pride because I’d taught her how to successfully pleasure a women and she was definitely utilising those now well practised skills and obviously envy because I wished I was giving Miss that pleasure.

To be clear here this wasn’t a shock, we’d discussed the fact that both of us would be with one or more other partners this night and were both comfortable with it. As I have grown closer to Miss I have become more comfortable with the difference between sex and intimacy.

Once all the dominants had finished the host called his sub over and ordered her to take his “offering” from me. I’m not a great fan of that term being used to describe a man’s cum but I manged to keep my amusement off my face as his girl crawled over and half kissed me so that I could let the “offering” pour from my mouth into hers. She dutifully swallowed his cum and no doubt a significant amount of my spit and then smiled at me.

After that the subs were allowed to get drinks of their own, whilst still serving the dominants drinks obviously, and were allowed into the conversations. It’s a funny situation when you are “free to talk” but must maintain the correct level of respect for the dominants around you and not embarrass you owner. We were definitely free to provide our opinions on things but only in a respectful way, which can be difficult when you’ve had several glasses of champagne!

The evening ended with each of the subs having a number written on their ass, mine was four, and then each of the dominants rolling a dice to choose which sub they would take to a bedroom.

I was led away third by a man in his late thirties and taken to one of the bedrooms. He told me to put a pillow on the bed and to lie on my front with my hips on the pillow, I did as I was told and then he climbed on top of me.

He was quite gentle as he pushed his lubed cock into my ass until it was balls deep, I just closed my eyes and bit my lips as he filled me. Then he pulled my hands behind my back and after gripping both wrists with one hand he grabbed my pony tail and pulled my head back.

The weight of him against my ass along with the position of my arms and my head being right back was a very uncomfortable and helpless position, then he started to fuck me and he really started to fuck me hard! It was that rough that my ass cheeks were actually sore the next day from his body hitting them.

He varied his speed to and intensity but overall it was one of the most intense anal fuckings I’ve ever had. It lasted over ten minutes of constant, albeit at varied ferocity, pounding and when he came he pushed it in so hard that I would have screamed except that I couldn’t breath because he was pulling my head back so hard.

Afterwards he thanked me and left, I used the bathroom to clean up and then waited in the lounge with some of the other people who’d finished before us. It wasn’t long before Mistress returned from her play with one of the other girls and then we left.

After having a shower together at home we climbed into bed and had some amazing intemate sex of our own.

Basement

Dungeon

One of my 2018 goals was to buy a house with Mistress and we have been looking for some time to find the perfect house. It had to be the perfect one as this is the house we intend to spend the rest of our lives in, it isn’t just a stepping stone to something else.

One of the major requirements for this was that it have a large basement because both Mistress and I have always wanted a fully kitted out dungeon in our home. It is surprisingly hard to find urban housing in the UK with a large basement and we were only looking at a small area. We found a few and looked at them but the houses and their basements were too small for what we wanted so we kept looking.

Eventually we found what we wanted, it is a beautiful detached house with a huge basement with a tall ceiling. Apparently the house was built with a basement and then one of the previous owners dug it out even more which is why it has so much headroom which is important for what we intend to use it for.

Unfortunately the house is very expensive and also needs a lot of work doing to it, the basement especially is not currently suitable for anything other than storage. After much negotiation and raiding of savings though we have made an offer and it has been accepted. It is very exciting and also scary, it is way more money than I have ever borrowed or spent on anything ever!

Anyway, that is all just background to this post which is actually about our plans for the underground play room. We have all seen dungeons with the kinds of furniture seen in the picture above and we like all of that but we want our room to have unique pieces of furniture suited to our tastes.

So firstly, I wondered if there is anyone amongst my readership who is involved in building custom dungeon furniture or knows of anyone who is? It would need to be of a high quality and to whatever specifications and designs we come up with.

Secondly I wanted to invite the devious minds who read my blog to suggest some items that we could have built to go in there. We may use your design or combine it with other or our own ideas for things to be used on me when we get the dungeon up and running. You can either describe the idea in detail or draw it and put it in the comments on here or on tumblr. I’m looking for ideas for large and small items or basically anything we can have made that is versatile and reusable, we don’t want to pay for anything to be made that’ll we maybe use once or twice.

My ideas so far are…

A fixture on the wall which can take a wooden pole, a pointed wooden pony type attachment, a spiked pole or electrified one. The idea being I would be tied to the wall on my tip toes with some sort of torture device fixed between my (or someone else’s) legs. It’s better than just a normal wooden pony because you can change the torture and add new ones later on.

A St. Andrews cross but that is adjustable in various ways. One that is can be moved and laid flat so it is like a table that you can be restrained to and also the cross can be changed so that rather than an X shape it is more of a + shape. Basically it means spreading the subs legs much wider once they have been strapped into it. Also the X would be extendable from the point where the limbs are bound meaning it can work for various heights of sub plus the sub can be stretched once bound. The mechanisms would need to be fairly strong and not flimsy so that the cross would stay how the dominant wants it.

Some sort of automated whipping/paddling/caning machine.The idea being I could be strapped in to a chair or something, or strap myself in (but not be able to unstrap myself) and a device would administer corporate punishment to various parts of my body. Ideally this would be controlled remotely via an app or something but that might be too complicated.

Anyway, ideas on a post card to my comments area or any contact method you choose please!

Shopping

Shopping

FakeI know I have been quiet the last couple of weeks, sometimes the work/life/blog balance gets skewed a little. First of all though, let’s get something out of the way, recently I was made aware of a photoshopped picture of myself and HitMeHarrder (right) that had been posted on Tumblr and I’d like to say something to the person who made it; It is not flattering, cool, funny or clever to do this. It is creepy, stalkerish and definitely not appreciated by either of us so please desist from this sort of activity and keep those fantasies in your head where they belong from now on.

This sort of thing is the reason I was always reluctant to share images of myself online and the reason I am still deciding whether to pull down any pictures that I have up at the moment. It freaks me out that someone has gone to the time and effort of making this even though it isn’t even a great fake.

Anyway, enough of that…

I used to buy all of my own clothes or rather I should say I used to choose all of my own clothes, I still but them now but I only get to express my opinion not to make the ultimate decision on what I buy.

Recently Mistress and I went on a shopping trip as I needed a few things, we went into the large store and both browsed and picked up a few things before heading to the changing rooms for me to try things on. They don’t ordinarily allow a “friend” to join you in the changing room but Mistress spoke to the attendant and they let her come in with me, I have no idea what she said.

The first thing Mistress does in this situation is to take a large garment, that she has picked up specifically for this purpose, and hang it over the mirror so that I cannot look at myself in the clothes, then I start to try things on.Depending on how busy it is in the changing rooms Mistress will stand outside with the curtain open or closed and wait as I try each item on and show her. As I can’t really see myself properly in the clothes this part is all her decision and she has me turn around and walk around in things, it makes me feel like a child and if other people are there feel quite self-conscious but Mistress doesn’t seem to notice anyone else.

Ordinarily, or I suppose previously as this is my new ordinary, I would only get a few items and to try on. I enjoy shopping but wouldn’t usually try a lot of items on in a store like Mistress has me do.

In one particularly quiet store Mistress was watching me change with the curtain open when the attendant appeared with a dress in a different size, I hadn’t even realised Mistress had sent her for one and could do nothing but blush and smile at the girl as I stood there covering my boobs and wearing only my knickers! The girl also looked a bit embarrassed, the first time, however Mistress kept asking her for things and she kept returning and seeing me in various states of undress and after a while seemed oblivious to what she saw of me. I only realised later that I had large yellow bruises on the back of my thighs!

For those that are interested, here are the clothes that I got that day. Chosen by Mistress, bought by me.

A while ago I described an event where I woke up masturbating and asked you to vote on if you thought I could be held responsible for this. Unsuprising “you” did hold e accountable but I was actually quite surprised that only 75% of you felt that way, so thank you to the other 25%. It did spark some interesting debate on the matter which was fun!

Finally, someone suggested that, as we are just about a quarter of the way through the year I should give you an update on how I am doing with my goals so here we go:

  • Submit to a permanent body modification of my choosing.
    Complete
  • Spend four weeks in chastity.
    Not Started
  • Contact and make peace with the person who caused her to leave London.
    In Progress, I will write about this soon
  • Give an orgasm to 52 people that she hadn’t met before 2018.
    On Target, current count is 18
  • Speak to her mother every other day.
    On Target, this is just routine at this point
  • Achieve an average daily views count of 500 on this blog.
    On Target, but dangerously close as current average is 525
  • Buy a new house with me (Mistress).
    In Progress
  • Have her septum pierced.
    Not Started
  • Experience Domming a submissive.
    Not Started
  • Achieve two of her fantasies.
    Not Started
  • Fully expose her lifestyle to at least one person who has known her in real life for more than five years.
    Not Started
  • Exceed her current “most painful torture”.
    In Progress, Mistress is working on building my pain threshold

If you wish me to expand on any of these points above please let me know in the comments and I will do so.

Finger discipline

FingerDiscipline

I’ve mentioned on plenty of occasions how I believe my body betrays me at every available opportunity. To be honest I’m not entirely sure if it is my body itself or if it is my subconscious that is doing the betrayal and my body is just jumping on the band wagon or following orders, it’s hard to tell. It’s a little scary to be honest because I do think that my subconscious has a little too much control over my body.

Normal people leave bodily functions such as breathing and their heart pumping to the parts of their brain that can act without conscious thought and that is fine but I am starting to believe that my own version has slightly larger aspirations than just keeping me alive.

For those that don’t know what muscle memory is I’ll give a definition:

the ability to reproduce a particular movement without conscious thought, acquired as a result of frequent repetition of that movement.

So things like typing or driving use muscle memory heavily so that you don’t have to think about what your hands and feet are doing, you can just concentrate on what you’re writing or where you are going.

Over the past year or so Mistress has been teaching me, more like training me really, to act in the way that she wants. I relish this and take genuine pride in behaving how she expects with very little input required from her especially when I can see that it pleases her. I’ve mentioned before that she can tell me to open my legs and by the time my brain has registered what she has said my legs are already open and recently she told me why.

For months now every time she told me to open my legs (which is quite often by the way!) she has opened them for me as she said the words. Not before, not after but as she spoke the words she pulled my knees apart. I honestly didn’t notice at the time, I’ve long since become used to her touching me and moving my body and just accept it, and it never occurred to me that she was building an association in my subconscious between those words and that action.

Mistress also told me that there are other associations that she has built or is in the process of building in my brain but she refused to tell me what they are, she said it is none of my business. I’m not convinced that is technically true but anyway…

There are other things that I have learnt which are less ingrained but I still believe she has indoctrinated into me. For example if she points at the floor that is a subtle signal for me to kneel at her feet, if she points with the left hand I kneel on the left and vice versa. This sort of thing is very useful for her to assert her control in vanilla settings. At Christmas we were all at my mother’s house, Mistress sat on the sofa and subtly pointed at the floor in front of her. Despite there being several seats free I knelt by her legs much to the confusion of my mother who asked why I didn’t sit on a seat, I just replied that I liked it on the floor which fortunately she accepted without much argument.

Whilst kneeling isn’t something my body does without my input (thankfully!) there is a subconscious element to it. It’s not just following a predefined command, when I see her make that gesture I want to kneel there for her and there is a certain amount of compulsion for me to comply.

Anyway, this is all background and not the point of this post. The reason I went off on this tangent is to demonstrate that I, the neural pathways that constitute the Lois personality, cannot always be held responsible for my actions and therefore it is not my fault that I was awoken on Saturday morning by my own moans with two fingers pushed inside my dripping wet pussy!

Mistress was well and truly awake, propped up on her elbow and had been watching my unconscious masturbation for several minutes when I started to come around (pun intended!). Her first words to me that morning were “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”, which sounds mean but she did have a huge grin on her face when she said it.

I quickly pulled my hand out from under my slip but didn’t know what to do with it, my fingers were coated in juices. Mistress grabbed my hand and wiped my fingers over my face and then she jumped out of bed still holding my wrist and pulling me across it until I almost fell onto the floor out of her side.

I managed to get my feet on the floor and she pulled me around to the foot of the bed and bent me over to lean on it, I knew what was coming and in the hope of winning some favour I reached back and lifted my slip over my ass. This is Mistresses favourite punishment caning position.

In case you weren’t aware I have a bit of a masochist streak so getting whipped, cropped, paddled, flogged and caned isn’t usually an effective punishment or deterrent for me, In fact in less disciplined times I may have intentionally earned such “punishments” however they have usually started with maybe some flogging, then a few paddles and then once I’m warmed up the hot sting of the cane.

Mistresses punishment canings are somewhat different in that they begin with twenty or so full forced swats to my unprepared ass and then end. Whilst I’m usually wet when she’s finished (I refer you back to my opening statement regarding my bodies constant betrayals) they are definitely a punishment and neither the act itself nor trying to sit down at any point in the following few hours is enjoyable…….well maybe a tiny bit! Sssshhhh!

So my Saturday started with a bang, twenty bangs, but then the whole incident seemed to be forgotten. Mistress and I went to Miss Hannah’s house that evening (I may write about that later) and then had quite a relaxing Sunday. However that evening I learn the real punishment for my transgressions.

Mistress claims that this isn’t a punishment but rather an aid to assist in my training to be a better submissive and to control my “wanton sluttiness” better. Every night since Sunday at 10pm I have been locked in my chastity belt until 7am the next morning.

Apparently I have put on a little weight (although I am still within the narrow weight guidelines that Mistress has prescribed for me) because the belt feels quite tight, especially around my pussy which feels sort of “squashed” when I have the belt on. This is a custom-made, very effective chastity belt so it definitely preventing my wandering fingers in the night but it certainly doesn’t allow a comfortable sleep.

Mistress says that if I’m good I will only have to wear it a week but if “the issue” recurs then “we” might need to look at a longer term solution. She left it at that which kind of scares the crap out of me and leaves me massively turned on to be honest!

So, to you the jury, can I honestly be held responsible for the actions of my so-called subconscious? Is it really me who is culpable for the nocturnal masturbation’s of my unconscious body? Or should these charges be thrown out with prejudice?

The defence rests Your Honour.

 

Ruination

Ruination

In the few weeks since I have been home from the states Mistress has discovered something that seems to bring her great joy and it is something, perhaps surprisingly, that I’d never really heard of before.

It started off one morning before we’d even got up, she moved my hands above my head and slid her fingers between my legs which opened eagerly despite me still being half asleep. She found me already a little wet (who knows what I’d been dreaming about!) and gave my pussy a few spanks for “being such a slut”, by which time I was very much awake!

After the spanks she started to circle my clit int he expert way she does and before long I was pushing back at her fingers as she brought me closer and closer. As my hands gripped around handfuls of bed sheet I begged “Oooohh Mistress please can I come?” and she said yes and I let me orgasm go. However, as I did she stopped all stimulation and just held my legs apart.

It’s a bizarre sensation, it’s like your orgasm happens but without the ecstasy, pleasure or release and you’re left feeling incredible unsatisfied and frustrated. That first time I also felt some anger boil up inside me although I didn’t show it, I just let out a panicked and sharp “Noooo!” as my eyes flew open to stare at Mistresses smiling face and she said “Frustrating isn’t it?” and then jumped out of bed leaving me panting and squirming.

I later discovered she’d done it to herself while I was away to see what it was like and had decided there and then it was something she wanted to inflict on me. As regular readers will know, whilst I was single I masturbated twice a day on average and Mistress believes this was extremely self-indulgent and completely unacceptable for a sub. Since I have been hers she has weened me down to cuming only once every other day and only with her permission, usually with her direct involvement.

I’d heard of male ruined orgasms before, basically just stop touching as they cum and their cock spasm and cums but without any continued stimulation it isn’t particularly enjoyable. The same thing for girls was new to me though and I have to say it is really horrible. Every single time I think I won’t let myself get to into it because I know she’s going to ruin it but then every time I get to a point where I’m just all about getting to the orgasm that she then ruins!

She has process for it now, I kneel with my legs spread and the palms of my hands resting right at the top of my inner thighs, basically as close to my pussy as they can get without touching it. Then she uses her expert skills to bring me to the edge, waits for me to ask and then ruins it, it’s torture quite unlike anything I’ve experienced before. It is so hard to maintain my position, my fingers just next to my clit, knowing the slightest touch would prevent the intense frustration.

On Christmas Eve, despite my Mother and Sister being in the house with us she gave me multiple ruins and I was particularly grumpy that night. Then. on Christmas morning after a massively frustrating day before she gave me a real orgasm and I had to bite the pillow to stop me screaming it was so good and I spent the day in the best mood ever!

At the moment I am getting daily ruins and one orgasm per week, it’s really hard to cope with but I am managing so far. A couple of times she has accidentally pushed me over the edge and not stopped in time, those are possible the most fun orgasms because they are naughty but not my fault, event though I get pussy slaps for them.

So that is Mistresses new favourite thing and unfortunately she is getting really good at it, I haven’t had a real orgasm all week and am looking forward to her allowing me one over the weekend, I’m smiling just thinking about it!

A few people have tried guessing which goal I have succeeded in completing already, some got it right and some didn’t but I will be writing about it soon I promise!