Safe Sex

SSC

In my last post I mentioned some of the things my Mistress is training me in, some of which push the boundaries of my existing limits and someone expressed concern for my safety in the comments so I wanted to address that in this post.

I have always had a strange relationship with limits, yes I do have them despite what people might think but I really REALLY enjoy when they are pushed and broken, it’s part of who I am. That said I would only ever allow someone that I had complete trust in to go beyond those limits.

I’ve been into the BDSM scene for quite a long time now and in the past it was very much focused on the latter two letters of that acronym and if I’m perfectly honest it wasn’t always done safely and it’s only as I’ve got older that I am very much more aware of the need for things to be done safely.

To list just some of the ill-advised things I’ve done in the past:

  • Had unprotected sex with complete strangers on multiple occasions
  • Had unsterilised needles, skewers and fish hooks pierced through my flesh
  • Been left tied up for long periods when the person tying my had no idea how to bind someone safely
  • Been burnt more severely than is safe for play
  • Injected substances into my body without being fully aware if it is safe to do so

Fortunately for me I came through all of the above intact and more or less healthy but I am well aware that things could have been different and the older me is a little ashamed of the younger me for not taking better care of myself.

I’ve suffered fractured bones, infected cuts, severe bruising and more urinary infections than I can count through BDSM but despite of this I don’t regret doing anything I have done over the years, maybe only the lack of precautions I took whilst doing some of it.

My Mistress has a lot of experience in the things we are doing now and I have full trust in her ability to keep me safe whilst she expands my limits in the way that she wants to, for instance you mentioned there are health concerns with “full toilet service”? We are well aware of this and Mistress has already altered my diet and is giving me strong (and expensive!) pro-biotic supplements to improve the condition and resilience of my digestive system well in advance of beginning that activity.

As for the play partners, they may be random strangers to me but they are absolutely not strangers to my Mistress. I am precious to her and she would only loan me to someone that she trusts absolutely to take my safety into account as much as she would herself.

My eye is pretty much healed now so slapping training will be continuing soon and Mistress has also expressed to me that she will soon be giving me a week during which time she intends to torture me daily using nothing but my own orgasms. It sounds both exciting and terrifying!

Dogging week: Wednesday

3

The meeting place for this night was actually quite close to where I live so I got ready and then set off shortly before the 11pm meeting time. The only thing I knew about the person I was meeting was that he was a fairly good-looking, well-built black guy (I’d been sent a picture) and that he would be in a silver BMW, as I pulled into the dark car park of the woodland area I could see the car and parked near to it.

It was quite cold when I stepped out of the car and it was painful to stand on the gravel in my bare feet. As instructed I was wearing a short black body hugging dress over some lacy black lingerie and nothing else, as instructed my keys were the only things I took with me as I approached his car walking gingerly on the gravel.

As I approached the door he climbed out of the car, he looked to be early to mid forties and was wearing jeans, Timberland type boots and a thin jumper. He was quite muscly and was carrying a black bag over his shoulder and was smiling a wide smile as he looked me over in a way that felt invasive, the first thing he said to me was “Keys”.

I handed him my car keys and then he told me to turn around, as soon as I did he wrapped his arms around me pinning my arms to my sides while he pulled me against his body. I could feel his cock growing hard against my back as he roughly fondled my breasts through my clothes, then he pulled my dress up exposing my ass (I was only wearing a thong) and gave my cheek a hard slap before saying “Walk!”.

It felt like we’d been walking in silence along the path for about ten minutes, the only interaction was the occasional hard slap of my ass until he said “stop here and turn around”. I did and saw him standing with my keys in his hand, then without turning his head he flung my keys to the side.

I watched them fly through the air for about eight meters and then disappear into the middle of a huge bush of waist-high nettles, I have to be honest in my head I said “Oh you fucking asshole” but I opened and then closed my mouth without saying anything and looked back at his grinning face, he thought it was hilarious as he motioned to turn round and said “Walk” again.

We walked for another few minutes and then a hand on my shoulder guided me left off the path and into the woods which was really tough on my feet for the next five minutes, then another hand on my shoulder stopped me by a large tree with a rope hanging from one of its branches.

The guy took a length of rope from his bag and said “hands”, I put my hands out in front of me and he wrapped the rope around them and tied it. It wasn’t a complicated or pretty knot but it was sufficient, I couldn’t get free. He told me to stand under the rope dangling from the tree and put my hands in the air, the dangling rope went around my wrist restrains and was pulled until I was just on my tip toes and then tied it off.

I have to admit I was a little scared as he tied a scarf around my head leaving me blind and totally helpless in the hands of a strange man in the middle of the woods. He wasn’t finished though, I felt cold metal against my skin and then heard the ripping as he cut and ripped my dress down the front until it fell off me, then my bra went the same way and my nipples immediately grew hard in the cool air. He grabbed the front of my thong and pulled it up really hard, the thin material pulled between my pussy lips and cut into my pussy painfully, then they pulled it away from my body, obviously in bits, leaving me naked.

I couldn’t tell if it was a whip or a twig that he hit me with but the next ten minutes were spent with him walking around me randomly swatting different parts of my body with something thin that I’d later find out left thin red welts all over me. Once he got bored with that he came up behind me and whispered “stay still for this part” in my ear and then he moved in front of me.

He grabbed one of my breasts and I felt the cold, wet tip of a marker pen on my skin. Obviously I didn’t find out until later what he had written but I’ll describe what he wrote anyway, because I know now. He drew a circle around each of my nipples and wrote “TWIST” above one and “BITE” above the other, then he wrote in large letters on my stomach “I FUCK STRANGERS BAREBACK” before writing “CUM SLUT” on the front of one thigh and “PAIN SLUT” on the front of the other.

d3d3335a1c512f21f735f7c7a63b60dbHe moved behind me and I felt him drawing something large on my back and then colouring it in. It was a huge queen of spades logo that basically covered my entire back. For those who don’t know what that is have a look here. His final decoration was to write “ANAL SLUT” across my ass cheeks, apparently he liked the word “slut”!

Once his artwork was done he went back to whipping, this time I’m sure it was a twig but a bigger one, the strikes were harder and more painful and concentrated on my ass. He gave me about twenty hard hits leaving about ten seconds between each one and by the last my ass was really sore and burning.

He was pretty strong, stood in front of me he gripped my thighs and easily lifted me off the ground and brought me down on his rock hard cock which had no problem sliding into my very wet pussy, what can I say? I’m a masochist!

Rather than thrusting himself in and out of me he fucking me by lifting me up and down, effectively massaging his cock with my pussy. I was completely helpless and was basically a passenger as he used my body to masturbate and then cum inside me before I was even close to an orgasm. That sounds like I didn’t enjoy it but I really did, I was inside my own head loving the humiliation of my body being used entirely for him to pleasure himself.

Once he was done he let go of me and disappeared for a bit, I could feel his cum running out of me and down my thigh as I stood there unable to move. I began to worry he’d left me there but then after a while I heard him approach and his hands were on me again, squeezing my sore ass and then one hand began twisting my nipple as his teeth closed around the other.

He bit down really hard and twisted the other nipple just as severely and I couldn’t do anything except let him and try to make noises to indicate it was getting too much without actually saying so. I’m sure some of you have been bitten before, it’s so painful having your nipples bitten especially when it goes past a certain point, eventually he stopped and I couldn’t help but gasp “fuuuuck” which got a loud laugh from him before his hand went between my legs. Obviously he found a swamp down there and said “like that did we?” before wiping a lot of cummy mess across my mouth.

Then followed more whipping with the twig, it was back to all over me though and he rarely hit my ass again,  most of them landed on my tits which hurt quite a lot. The worst was when one hit the nipple that he had bitten, it was already throbbing and when the twig hit it there was a burst of pain that caused one of the few yelps that escaped me that night.

Eventually the whipping ended, my body was stinging and tingling and aching all over but mainly my arms were really sore by this point, they weren’t about to get any relief though. He moved behind me again and did the reverse of before, grabbing my thighs and lifting me from behind. His cock slid into my pussy easily once again and then he pulled it out, coated in mess and positioned it against my ass.

He was quite slow as he used my weight to lower me onto his cock, the mess from my pussy provided some lubrication but I could still feel my ass stretching around his cock as he lowered me down. Everyone knows the thing about all black guys having huge cocks, I’ve no idea if that is true or not because my experience is limited but this guys was neither huge or small, it was average sized!

He must have been in good shape because once again he used my body like a fleshlight, lifting and lowering my body to fuck his cock. Fortunately for him though he didn’t last too long this time and his cock was soon twitching in my ass before he left me to hang again. He must not have had much cum left to give because nothing came out of me as I hung there waiting again.

He eventually let me down and I basically fell to the floor, my arms and legs were in bits from standing on half tiptoes and having my arms strung up for so long, those pains definitely overshadowed anything else he had done.

After a few minutes I pulled off my blindfold and looked up, he was gone. I panicked a little but then got my senses together and looked for my clothes, I found them behind the tree but when I went to pick them up I realised he’d pissed all over them. I picked them up with the tips of my fingers but realised they were useless anyway and left them as I started to walk back to the car.

I found the path and had a look up and down it to try to make sure no one was coming and then started walking along staying on the grass at the side of the path to save my feet. It was really dark but as I’d been blindfolded for a couple of hours and my night vision was quite well established.

Not quite established enough for finding keys in a patch of nettles in the dark though! It took me about twenty minutes of agonizingly wading through the nettles, searching with my feet to avoid bending down into the nettles and stinging my upper body too.

Fortunately most of them weren’t quite long enough to each my pussy so I only got a few stings on my pussy and ass but my legs were covered. When I remember getting stung by nettles as a child I remember it being more the itchiness that was the problem, but fuck they do sting when they get you,  I had tears running down my face by the time I found the keys, partially from the intense stinging all over my legs and partially from the frustrating of not being able to find the keys.

I didn’t bother to dress to drive home, I just wrapped a towel around me and drove back and then curled up in my bed in my ruined makeup and with his dried cum on my thighs.

Christmas & New Year

Christmas.jpg

I always go home to my mum’s house for Christmas and the only difference this year is that I travelled with my sister, for those that aren’t aware my sister had some trouble in her life and ended up moving in with me earlier in the year so it made sense to go home together.

In previous years I’ve entertained myself by getting people online to set little tasks for me. For example one year I was told to wear a short skirt and to remove my underwear and masturbate with a bullet vibe until I came, all whilst still in my seat. Fortunately no one sat next to me and I was able to put a large coat over my legs so that I could discreetly remove my thong (still very difficult in a train seat!) and slide my hand and vibe up my skirt. It sounds easy but cumming without looking like you’re cumming is incredibly difficult!

Another year, in fact I think this was last year, I knelt on the piss soaked floor of the train toilet and thoroughly cleaned the toilet bowl (inside and outside) with my tongue whilst a butterfly vibe buzzed against my pussy. I think when people tell you to do that or read about it they don’t actually realise how much strength and self control a submissive has to have to force themselves to do that, to lick a strangers piss and pubic hair off a public toilet and swallow it.

Anyway, Christmas was really good and relaxing and I had a lovely time with my family. However during the time between my days in the room and Christmas I’d become really close with Miss Fiona, we’d spent a lot of our time together and things between us had really started to build up fast. So the time apart from her felt really strange and that’s when I started to realise how strong my feelings for her had become.

I really think it happened during the week in the room, no one has ever done anything like that for me before and the amount of love I felt from her at the end of it really affected me. We spoke for over two hours on the phone on Christmas day (much to the amusement of my mother and sister) and we arranged to have “our Christmas” on the 28th.

I bought her a few nice vanilla presents and a couple of less vanilla ones, she bought me a personal shopper experience in the Angel Suite at Victoria’s Secret in London with a very generous budget! It’s an amazing gift and the only caveat is that she has to come with me and will have final say on what I buy, I can live with that!

After the present giving she sat me down (on the sofa, I’m usually on the floor!) with a glass of wine and told me that she had been thinking about it a lot, especially over Christmas and that she wanted to officially collar me. I’ve had this conversation before (obviously) and it’s always a strange one because despite the dynamic you are already in this conversation has to be had on an equal footing.

negotiation

If you’re thinking about the contract negotiation scene from fifty shades (haha) then don’t, it wasn’t in any way like that! We discussed what we would expect from each other and sort of agreed terms, but not like a negotiation, more like two people talking about what they want from a relationship and making sure they both understand where they stand in it.

It was a really good conversation and I think it helped us both put our doubts and concerns about each other to rest. Once all that was out of the way Miss Fiona quite excitedly told me that she wanted to have a collaring ceremony! Nothing crazy just some of our friends coming round for a dinner party with my formal “Collaring” taking place during the evening.

This is something I’ve never really done, not so formally anyway. It sounded like fun though so the date was set for New Years Ever, in attendance would be Miss Hannah and her sub, Sir Davis and his sub Sophie (you don’t know about these two yet but you will when the relevant post goes out, Sophie is the girl I taught lesbian sex to!) and Miss Fiona and myself. Miss Fiona would host the event at her house and arrange everything.

I’m going to write about the events of that evening in my next “non-sex” post next week, I’m hoping by making these posts shorter but more frequent I can keep up the increased post rate that I promised!

Thank you to all the new people who have followed my blog recently, it really makes it worthwhile when I look at the stats and see that people are actually reading this stuff, and thank you for the comments as well, I love reading them and replying so keep them coming.

If you are on twitter I’ve started doing that a bit more, my username is @painslutlois, and if you like tumblr then I also have a blog on there where I mainly repost things that I like and sometimes post a picture of myself!

The Room

6

Many many things happened with me in the last month, some good, some bad but they culminated in me having a really good and positive start to the new year.

Back at the beginning of December I was starting to feel quite unwell, I was having dizzy spells and had fainted a few times including once at work. Then one day my vision started to go blurry and Miss Fiona insisted that I went to see a doctor.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had these symptoms though, a few years ago I went through all of the same things and the cause was essentially stress. At the time I was having personal problems and was under a huge amount of pressure at work though and things weren’t particularly bad this time so I was a little worried if I’m honest.

Miss Fiona made an appointment for me and when I arrived at the doctors she was there waiting to go in with me. At this point our relationship hadn’t really gone that far and this felt a little pushy to me but looking back now it was the start of things getting really good between us. After Miss Fiona had ensured I’d disclosed every tiny detail of the past few weeks the doctor said that I had “Acute Fatigue with a level of Stress” and signed me off work for a week.

It wasn’t actually very convenient to be off work that week, in fact it was impossible so I spoke with one of the partners and agreed to take the following week off as leave rather than being signed off.

As it turned out Miss Fiona had some ideas about how to help me relax and recuperate during my week off, she refused to tell me what they were and instead asked me to submit to her 24/7 for the week. I would stay at her house from Sunday to Saturday and must follow the rules that she set for me.

I was a little dubious about this, as I mentioned we’d had a few dates and were getting on well but our relationship was progressing quite slowly by design and it was a big leap to go from that to something 24/7 especially when I didn’t really know what would be involved. That said I was really starting to harbor strong feelings for her so in the end I agreed to her terms.

On the Saturday Miss Fiona had arranged and paid for me to have colonic hydrotherapy (aka colonic irrigation) which is something I’ve never done. Weirdly considering I’ve had many enema’s I was nervous and more than a little embarrassed by this but the girls there were really nice and talked me through it all. It was an interesting and quite satisfying experience.

collarI arrived at her house at midday on the Sunday and as soon as I was in the door with my suitcase full of clothes and makeup etc she told me I wouldn’t be needing any clothes because I was going to be naked for the entire week apart from the leather collar that she then produced. It had two chains running from a D-ring in the front, each of which had a matching leather cuff on the end.  Whilst still stood just inside the (thankfully closed) front door she had me strip and then turn and kneel so she could fasten the collar around my neck and lock it, then I stood again so she could fasten and lock the cuffs to my wrists.

She held my wrists and pulled my arms straight, only I couldn’t straighten them properly because of the chain and I realised the chains were just long enough to prevent me reaching my pussy. She saw the realisation hit me and grinning before turning and saying “Come”.

She led me upstairs and into her spare bedroom, past the double bed which was covered in a pile of clothes, and into her walk in wardrobe which was empty. It is basically a small room with a solid wooden door and a small window that overlooks her spacious garden. It has rails along both sides of it but all the clothes had been removed and the only thing in the room was a cat’s litter tray, a small inflatable bed and a bottle of water and a glass. After she had explained everything to me whilst I knelt on the floor she closed the door.

These were the my rules for the week:

  • I was not to leave the room without Miss Fiona (the door wasn’t locked)
  • I was not allowed to pleasure myself in any way (the chains were there to help)
  • I had to finished the 2l bottle of water every day (it was replaced each morning)
  • I had to eat whatever food was left for me
  • The litter tray was for me to pee in
  • I would be allowed 30 minutes bathroom time each day
  • We would eat an evening meal together but we could not talk about the arrangements or rules until the following Saturday unless it was urgent

That first day I was really regretting agreeing to the arrangement, within minutes I was bored and after a couple of hours I was getting sorely tempted to open the door. I’d find out later that Miss Fiona had been sat on the other side of the door the whole time waiting to see how I would react.

After a while, I’d lost track of how long, the door opened and she led me downstairs and into the kitchen where she had prepared us a meal. The food was very healthy and I later found out that my diet for the week had been carefully selected with advice from the clinic where I got the colonic. We talked about various things, she makes me laugh a lot which I like and whilst our dynamic is always present she doesn’t make me feel in any way inferior to her, it’s hard to describe but in my opinion it is the perfect way to be dominant.As soon as we’d finished she asked if I needed the bathroom, I didn’t so she lead me back to the room and the door was closed again.

She has smart lights in her house and the closet light is on a motion sensor so that it turns on when you walk in, however I’d find that it was also on a timer so at 9:30 it stopped turning on and there was only the dim ambient light from the window to see by, not that there was anything to see. The bed was surprisingly comfy once I found a position where the chains weren’t under me and I fell asleep shortly after the lights went off which is very early for me.

I only woke up when the door opened the next morning, it was the best sleep I’d had for months. The collar and chains stayed on whilst I used the toilet and had a shower, I dried myself and brushed my hair (I wasn’t allowed to dry it) whilst Miss Fiona showered and then she had me blow dry and brush her hair for her. It was nice to do such a simple task and not have to worry about getting ready for work or what I had to do once I got there, it felt very relaxed.

Once I’d done her hair she put me back in my room and then about half an hour later she opened it again, dressed fully in her work clothes and left a fresh bottle of water, various pieces of fruit and a cling film covered bowl of couscous salad before giving me a kiss and closing the door again.

I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about this before but I have a routine, I wake up in the morning about twenty minutes before I need to be up and my hand slides between my legs and I think about whatever naughty things that get me wet that particular day and I bring myself to a silent satisfying climax before I get up and shower ready to start the day. Then in the evening when I slide into bed I curl up on my side and the same hand slides between my legs to finish my day off the way I like to. This has been my routine for literally years and strange as it may seem, not masturbating is just not natural for me.

Miss Fiona knows all about this, hence the chains and cuffs. Yes she had ordered me not to touch myself but she also knows me well enough to know I’d find that extremely difficult, especially when there is literally nothing else to occupy my mind.

So I laid on the bed in my empty little room and started to fantasize about all sorts of perverted things that I can’t remember now, my hands rubbed across my nipples and then instinctively went for my pussy until the chains stopped them. The other thing that I’m sure I’ve mentioned before is that I need clitoral stimulation to cum, it’s pretty much impossible to get me over the edge in any other way and by this point I was extremely horny and getting increasingly frustrated so I decided to think about something else, it was either that or risk my sanity!

I was drinking a lot more than I usually do because it was one of my rules and also because it was something to do. The problem is that drinking a lot has one inevitable consequence and I couldn’t hold it off any longer. I moved the tray so that I could put a foot either side and then squatted over it and let go. For some reason it made me blush despite the fact that no one was in the room with me, it made me feel a little inhuman. Fortunately she’d left a roll of paper so I wiped and then went back to looking out of the window.

windowThat was pretty much how it went for the first half of the week….get up and use the toilet before having a shower and brushing my hair. Brush and dry Miss Fiona’s hair and then back to my room. Spend the next nine hours mindlessly looking out of the window, day dreaming and having absolutely zero stress. Do some exercise by running on the spot or doing sits up and press ups. Be let out of my room to change my tray and enjoy a healthy meal and some conversation with Miss Fiona and then back to my room for the night and more tie with myself.

There were a few changes starting on Wednesday when she let me come and sit on the floor next to her for half an hour while she watch TV. She laid my head on her knee and gently stroked my hair whilst she watched, occasionally she would dip her finger in her glass of wine and put it to my lips and I would suck it off her finger tip, it tasted divine.

On the Thursday when she left my food and drink for the day she also left a children’s colouring book, a “Frozen” one, and some colouring pencils. It sounds ridiculous but I was so excited by this at the time because it was something for me to do and put my mind to, even if it was a very simple task. I spent most of the day very neatly colouring in pictures of the Elsa and Anna, it was very therapeutic.

On Friday morning Miss Fiona unlocked my cuffs and removed them, disconnecting the chains from my collar which remained in place. She didn’t say anything about it, just removed them and left for work leaving me with a teenagers jewellery making kit. I spent the day making a bracelet for my sister and a really intricate necklace for Miss Fiona and didn’t touch myself once, not because I didn’t want to though. For some reason I was so nervous presenting the necklace to her at dinner but she seemed to really love it and bizarrely that made me so happy that I cried! I cried for about half an hour with no idea why and she held me tight the whole time without asking me any questions or trying to make me talk about it, then she put me back in my room and I fell sound asleep.

In the morning she didn’t let me out, I woke up and there was a one litre bottle of water with a hint of lemon and some fruit already in the room. I ate and drank, enjoying the flavoured water immensely and waited really quite patiently. Eventually the door opened and a naked Miss Fiona lead me to the bathroom where she’d run a very deep bubble bath which she climbed into and then helped me in with her and I laid there against her soaking until we were all wrinkled.

We dried each other afterwards and then climbed into her bed and made slow, sensual, sweet vanilla love to each other for hours.

On the face of it this was just a boring week stuck in a room with nothing to do, I guess a form of torture. That’s how I saw it at the start but as the time passed I literally felt tension seeping out of my body and I just completely relaxed for the first time in a very long time and it made me feel amazing. The detox was also really good and made me feel good, my skin is much better and I feel like I have more energy, I’ve even bought some (adult) colouring books as I find it really helps me to relax a lot.

I have a lot more to tell you all about and I will be writing about them over the coming weeks, I’ve been officially collared by Miss Fiona now and had a sort of formal collaring with a few people there.

I did some thinking about this blog while I was in the room and from today I want to do two posts a week. One like this one which is about my life and what’s going on in it and the other about my BDSM experiences. The initial BDSM posts will be ones that I’ve been promising for ages and then as I do new things I will post about those as well. I can’t promise they will all be long but I do promise to make the effort to post.

I got burned

Not in as in I was insulted, as in I literally got a burn on my arm from an air bag going off after someone drove into the front of my car the weekend before last. As you can see below, this is not the kind of injury my masochistic side enjoys.

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This was at the end of a weekend that started out with significant promise but gradually deteriorated until it was in the same state as my car ended up, written off!

Lets go back to the start of the weekend, Friday night when, after showering, I spent an hour edging myself to make my pussy nice and wet prior to a date with Fiona just as she had told me to do.

I laid on my bed naked and pinched my nipples with one hand whilst rubbing the fingers of my other hand over my clit fantasising various different fantasies. Each time I felt my orgasm coming close I stopped and waited until it receded and then began again until my pussy was literally leaking onto the towel I had placed beneath me.

I kept going until I had just enough time to get ready, then I got dressed in a little black dress with bra but no underwear and did my hair and makeup before going downstairs and standing in the window to wait for her. She had text me to say she was setting off and that when she arrived she wanted to see me in the window with my hand up my dress on the verge of an orgasm.

I watched the taxi pull up as I stood in the window, the lights dimmed so I wasn’t too visible but just visible enough for her to see, with my dress pulled up at the front to reveal my slightly spread legs and my fingers circling my clit. When I was sure she had seen me I straightened my dress and headed out to the car.

As I climbed into the taxi I subtly pulled the back of my dress up so that when I sat down my bare ass went directly onto the seat rather than resting on my clothing, just as I had been told to. It felt dirty, putting my most intimate parts against that seat that had been sat on by a large number of strangers, it was a turn on. Fiona leaned over and kissed me deeply and passionately for a good ten seconds before sitting back down and saying “hi”. I glanced at the drivers mirror and saw him watching and blushed as he looked away and set off towards our destination.

I raised my eyebrows and said “hi to you too”, we’ve agreed not to use any titles or anything in a public setting. As we drove she placed her hand on my knee and then slowly moved it up my inner thigh, it was so unsubtle that it made me smirk until she got about two inches from my pussy and discovered how disgustingly wet I was and said “good girl” and I blushed and noticed the driver take another look at us in his mirror.

My hands were on the seat either side of me for the whole journey, submissive, inviting, just the way I was feeling. Her hand remained at the top of my thigh with her little finger just touching my bare pussy lips and slowly moving backwards and forwards stroking me. I was very conscious that her hand had pushed my dress up so that I was now essentially naked from the waist down but I was fairly sure the driver couldn’t see and no one outside would be able to.

When we arrived Fiona paid the driver and we got out, I pulled my dress down as I climbed out but if the driver had been looking he would have got a great view of my naked ass and I’ve no idea if he was looking or not. I do know that I left a wet patch on his seat which is disgusting but really was Fiona’s fault!

Our destination was a restaurant and we had a nice meal there, she asked me what I wanted and then ordered for both of us in quite a patronising way. She said “I’ll have the goat’s cheese to start and then the bream, she’ll have the calamari and the ravioli”, I wasn’t expecting it and when the girl looked at me as she wrote down my order all I could do was look back and sheepishly smile at her.

We talked about all sorts of normal things and then our starters came and we ate those, then as soon as the plates were cleared she said “I want you to cum for me before the mains come”. It took me by surprise and I just kind of looked at her incredulously and said “what, here?”. Her response was to just smile and nod and then she said “and if you fail you’ll earn something much worse”.

The table we were at was against a wall and it was a table for four with only two of us at it so it provided more cover than it could have, but I was still sat in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Despite that I was extremely horny and excited by what she wanted me to do so I slid my left hand (which was nearest the wall) between my legs and up my dress and began to rub on my already swollen clit.

I’m sure this is true for everyone, male and female, it’s hard to keep a normal face whilst masturbating. At the very least your mouth drops open and your eyes either lose focus or intently focus on one spot so to combat this I stared into Fiona’s eyes and bit my bottom lip, biting a little harder and narrowing my eyes each time the sensations forced me to react.

She watched me intently as I sat across from her masturbating in a restaurant and after a minute she said “don’t stop no matter what” and then seconds later a waiter appeared with our next round of drinks.

I didn’t stop, I definitely didn’t stop but I slowed my fingers enough that I could regain some composure and acknowledge that he was there and say thank you. It was my downfall, because my impending orgasm receded enough that despite my renewed efforts once he’d gone I was still trying to tease myself over the edge when Fiona said “stop” and then moments later our main courses arrived.

It was so frustrating, I hate edging, I hate the feeling of the ecstasy of an orgasm that was so close fading away into oblivion but I had no choice. I removed my fingers, straightened my dress again and picked up my fork. Fiona looked at me and tutted, then carried on as if nothing had happened.

We finished our food and drinks and Fiona asked for bill which she paid. Then she handed me the little wallet that the bill came in and gave me my punishment before walking out of the restaurant and calling a taxi.

I put a generous tip into the wallet and then wrote my name and phone number on a paper napkin that had come with my coffee, underneath my phone number I wrote “Call me x”. I took a deep breath and then with crimson cheeks I intercepted the waitress and handed her the wallet with the napkin on top of it.

The girl, who must have been at least six years younger than me, looked down at the wallet and napkin, then turned the napkin around and read it whilst I stood there like an idiot. As she read it her eyes widened and then she looked up blushing and said “oh, erm, thanks” and then quickly walked away into the kitchen.

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me as I almost ran outside to meet Fiona who’d been watching through the window and was now looking very amused. I said she was mean and she told me that maybe I’d do as I was told next time. As I climbed into the taxi I looked back through the window and saw the waitress looking at me, we both looked away when we made eye contact and then the taxi drove away.

We had previously agreed that I was going to stay at her house, a big step baring in mind how it ended last time I stayed over but with everything out in the open I was past thinking about that. I paid the taxi and followed her up to and through her front door, then she was on me.

She pinned me to the wall with her body kissing me and her hand was between my legs and I was grabbing her ass and it was just passionate vanilla horniness for a couple of minutes, then she pulled my dress over my head. When I tried to do the same for her she stepped back and wagged a finger at me smiling and said “wait there”.

She returned a minute later with handcuffs. She removed my bra and threw it on top of my dress then gently moved my hands behind my back and attached the cuffs to them, I put up absolutely no resistance, there is this feeling when you submit to another person, allow them to control you in a very physical way, that I just love. It takes me to a psychological place that I would just love to live in 24/7.

She held the cuffs with one hand and my hair with the other as she led me upstairs to her bedroom wearing only my heels. When we arrived she sat down on the bed with her legs spread and then pulled me down so I was sort of squatting with my pussy resting on her thigh, then she lent back on her arms and said “cum!”.

It was hot, she pushed with her toes to apply upwards pressure as I ground my pussy into her thigh until I found a good position just above her knee where the pressure on my clit was just right and then I let out a loud uninhibited moan as I came hard against her leg and my legs went wobbly and I collapsed forward into her arms.

She gave me a minute and then she pushed me down off her and onto the floor so that I could see the amount of wetness I’d left on her leg, so much that it had run around her thigh and down the sides of her calf. She told me to clean it, and I did.

I licked every part of her leg that had my mess on it, up her calves, over her knee and thigh, then I continued. A little brazenly for a submissive I licked up her inner thigh until I came to her pussy, which I discovered was as naked as mine had been all night, and then I began running my tongue up her slit and around her clit.

She enjoyed my attentions for about twenty minutes and then I moved it up a gear and with a handful of my hair in her fist she came on my mouth. Then, without hardly ten seconds to recover she yanked my head back and put her face right up close to mine and said “who the fuck said you could do that?”.

I have to admit I was a little shocked by the change of pace and to the reaction to me giving her pleasure. She stood up pulling me with her by my hair and undid my cuffs before saying “bent the fuck over Lois”. I did as I was told as she pulled open a large drawer under the bed, produced a long cane from it and held it to my mouth, I dutifully took the cane with my lips and held it tight.

She moved behind me whilst saying “If we are going to do this you need to relearn discipline, I won’t stand for you trying to take control or topping from the bottom. So you’ve earned yourself ten hard strokes from the cane. What do you have to say?”.

I stood there, legs straight, bent at the waist with my arms straight on the bed and my back slightly arched so my ass was pushed out with her juices drying on my face and tried to speak with the cane in my mouth but she slapped my ass hard and then grabbed the cane which I let go of. Then I said “Yes Miss, I’m sorry.”.

She slapped my other ass cheek and said “Sorry for what?” and then continued to slap each cheek in turn as I said “I’m sorry for trying to take control Miss”. The slaps weren’t too bad but hard enough that I could feel my ass starting to burn by the time she stopped, then she said “Count”.

It’s quite a while since I’ve been caned, properly caned and even when you’re used to it the sharp sudden pain of it is still significant and she didn’t hold back. I heard the cane cut through the air and then her first strike landed right in the middle of my ass and almost knocked me out of position but I maintained it as I sucked in air and took the pain.

The next strike hit about an inch below the first, the one that followed was an inch above the first and then one an inch below the second and finally one right at the top. She is clearly well practised with the cane, each one hit with the same force and I would find out later were perfectly on target.

I’m a sexual masochist, I enjoy pain. I’m turned on by people inflicting pain on me but that doesn’t mean other natural reactions to pain don’t apply to me as well. The swats were hard, my ass was burning and I had tears in my eyes by the time she finished the fifth one. We have discussed safe words already, I knew what to say to stop her but I wasn’t about to, my pussy welling up just as much as my eyes.

The next five felt as though the landed in exactly the same spots as the first five but afterwards, when she was cuddling me on the bed and she let me run my hands over my ass I discovered the first five had been done at an angle and the latter five the opposite angle so that the now raised red welts formed a pretty crisscross pattern across the pale skin of my ass.

I fell asleep in her arms but when I woke up in the middle of the night my arms were handcuffed behind my back again and a little achy, I can’t believe she managed to handcuff me without waking me. I just snuggled back up to her warm body and went back to sleep.

bedhandcuffed

So that was all good, it was an amazing date and I left Fiona’s the next day feeling very happy. I chilled at home for a while laying on my bed (on my front because it was too sore to sit on my ass) and then I got undressed and went to take a shower, this is when things took an unexpected turn.

I was in the shower washing my hair, back to the door and my sister walks straight in, no knock, no warning, just walks straight in. I have no problem with my sister seeing me naked, it wouldn’t be the first time and I didn’t immediately think much of it until I heard her shout “WHAT THE FUCK?!” and I instinctively spun round and put my hands on my ass cheeks.

I finished my hair and got dry enough to put on a dressing gown (robe if you’re American?), I checked out my ass so I would know exactly what she’d seen, it was bad, the welts from the caning were bright red and covered my ass, I couldn’t think of a single plausible excuse for them.

When I went into my room she was sat on my bed waiting for me, for some reason I thought she would be angry but she wasn’t, she was concerned. She came over and hugged me and said “what the fuck happened to you? are you ok?” and I couldn’t help but giggle, which didn’t go down well!

There was no way to lie my way out of it and I really didn’t want to, it gets tiring hiding your real self from everyone and despite her very vanillaness she is my sister and if anyone will accept me for who I am she would. So I told her everything.

Well, not everything! I told her about BDSM (“What, bondage and stuff? Like Fifty Shades?”) and that I was submissive and a masochist and that the welts were from me getting caned. I left out why I got caned and I didn’t tell her about any of the more extreme or bizarre things I’ve done, I figured it was enough of a shock already. I did have to admit that Fiona, who she knew I’d been out with last night, was a Dominant and was responsible for the state of my ass.

The conversation was long and drawn out and went round in circles but I didn’t blame her and I answered everything honestly, it felt good to be completely honest with her even though she seemed horrified at times and angry at others. Eventually wine was involved which helped my ass feel a bit better after I’d been sat on it for hours pretending it wasn’t really sore!

Then the next day the crash happened and she was there ten minutes after it happened and was my big sister again and helped me and looked after me and no more was said about my illicit lifestyle for a good few days.

We’ve discussed it again since, she’s had more questions and she’s promised to keep it to herself but she seems to be coming to terms with it. We’ll see what happens I guess!

If you got this far please leave a comment, I really love reading and responding to them no matter what they are. Questions, suggestion, lewd insults! I just love conversing with the people who actually read what I write x

My viginity

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I’ve been asked so many times how I lost my virginity that I thought I might as well just post the story here.

I was sixteen at the time, some people think that is quite young, others quite old, I guess it depends on your perspective but for me it wasn’t a decision, it was just when it happened.

I was single and at a house party after finishing high school, in the UK high school only lasts until you are 16 and then you have the option of going on to further education at sixth form (aka college) before going on to University. Pretty much everyone from my school year were at the party as well as some older people I didn’t recognise from other schools and after a few drinks (tequila I think) I got talking to one of the older guys.

He seemed nice and after a while, both drunk, we ended up in one of the bedrooms, he locked the door to give us some privacy and then we were kissed and both our hands started to wander as we lay back on the bed.

I didn’t think much of it when he pulled my hands above my head and gripped both my wrists in one of his hands, his other was pushing under my bra roughly fondling my breasts and then under my short skirt rubbing my pussy through my underwear.

It felt good and I wasn’t worried until I tried to free my hands so I could touch him too, he gripped my wrists tighter and shifted his body weight so I was pinned down, he was much bigger than me and I couldn’t move or get away. He pulled my knickers to the side exposing my pussy and rubbing his fingers up and down between my lips.

Looking down I could see he had he jeans pulled down and his cock was out, fully erect and he was moving himself between my spread legs. My underwear was pushed to the side from when he’d been fingering me so he didn’t have any trouble pushing the head of his cock against my opening with one hand still holding my hands and the other squeezing my tits.

I remember being surprised at how easily he pushed his cock into me but it was also really painful and my eyes welled up as I felt my hymen tear and then the fullness inside me before he began to roughly thrust.

He didn’t last long, I was tight and probably felt pretty good to him as he rammed into me over and over until I felt him twitch and heard him grunt as he came inside me. He let go of me then, kneeling up and zipping his jeans back up while I just lay there on the bed with my pushed up so my breasts and pussy were on display. He kissed me and then said he was going to get us a drink and left the room.

I lay there for five minutes before I realised he wasn’t coming back, my pussy was really sore and I venture down there with my fingers to check if there was any damage. It was a swamp of his cum, my juice and blood and without thinking I started to rub my clit using the mess for lube. My other hand moved to my tit and started to pinch and twist my nipple as I brought my self quickly to climax.

Once I’d straightened myself out I walked back downstairs, my pussy felt swollen and sore between my legs and I could feel the mess leaking into my knickers, the guy and all his friends had left the party and I never found out who he was, I didn’t tell anyone about what happened but I think that was the start of making me who I am today.

Of course all that is nonsense! The story of how I lost my virginity isn’t anywhere near as interesting as that, I was at a party after leaving school and had a drunken fumble with a guy from one of my classes, he was just as inexperienced as me but at least he got to cum in the ten minutes it lasted, like most girls for me it was very disappointing but that wouldn’t have made a great post!

I actually don’t believe those events or anything else had any impact on my sexual preferences or my submissive nature and it really frustrates me that popular media feels the need to portray people who are into BDSM as somehow broken or only into it due to some kind of trauma in their life.

Digital detox

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I really don’t know why anyone follows this blog! I’m terribly inconsistent with writing posts and while I’ve apologised more times then I can count for it I’ve never got any better at posting regularly!

My excuse this time is that I needed a bit of a break from my online presence. I don’t want to imply that I’m more than what I am, I’m not any sort of online celebrity like has been suggested by some and despite appearances I’m not a particularly big attention seeker, although I am a little bit 🙂

I have Twitter, Tumblr, Collar Space, this blog, email and it was all getting a bit much to keep up with so I took a break.

It my own choice, not because I was ordered to by any new Mistress that some have speculated I have either! Yes I am still seeing Fiona and yes it is going well but no she didn’t order me to stop speaking to people online or anything like that. In fact she is happy for us to have an open relationship at the moment as she already has “other commitments” as well.

Whilst I haven’t been online in my usual ways recently I have been having some fun, at least one eagle eyed reader saw a post I made on a website relating to something I did a couple of weeks ago which fulfilled a couple of things from my fantasies list.

This is something I’ve thought about doing for a long time but haven’t got round to arranging until recently, or rather having someone else arrange. The premise was this; I would post an advert on a dogging website inviting people to “apply” to use me for whatever they wanted for one night (or actually a few hours) and five successful applicants would get to do what they wanted on five consecutive nights. The applications would go to a third party (who will remain anonymous) and they would organise all the details, all I’d know is where to be and when each night.

Here is the advert, which was written by me but edited and approved by the person who organised it:

I am a female submissive masochist in her early thirties and based in Cambridgeshire who craves cruel humiliation, degradation and rough use by strangers. I have brown hair, am 5′ 9″ with a slim build.To fulfil these needs a Dominant has instructed me to post this advert.

I am looking for singles or couples of any gender/colour/age/weight/etc who would enjoy playing with me one night next week (5th – 9th September 2016) with no strings attached. The Dominant will choose from those who reply to this advert (assuming anyone does!) and I will play with one each night next week.

This is a genuine offer and I am very excited about it.

If this interests you, please reply to this advert before midnight on Thursday and include the following:

  • A little detail about yourself
  • A picture of yourself
  • Broadly what you would like to do with me
  • Where you would like to meet
  • Your email address (important!)

I will forward all replies (without reading them) to the Dominant who will choose the five for me to play with and contact (hence needing your email address) them directly to arrange the details, I will not be involved in the selection process and will be submissive to you when I arrive at the designated meeting place (hotel/woodland/public bathrooms).

Again, this is a genuine offer so only genuine and sensible replies with all the information requested please.

The website that I posted this on has a mailbox and mine was pretty much full for the next few days which ended up equating to twenty “applications” being made, all describing what they wanted to do with me.

I’d obviously discussed this with the person who organised the evenings in advance and I knew he would be finding the people and events that would be the most horrible for me but also vetting the people to make sure I’d be safe and that my identity would be safe, for instance the people involved have no idea about this blog.

The week was amazing, I came away having enjoyed doing some disgusting things, in private and public places all with complete strangers. I am in the process of writing reports for the person who arranged it and he has agreed that I can post them here once he has read them. In the meantime, here is a little description of who I met each night and where:

  • Monday – A mid 30’s Dominant female and submissive male couple in woodland
  • Tuesday – An very overweight male in a hotel bar
  • Wednesday – A very fit an muscly black man in woodland
  • Thursday – A mature slightly overweight lady in a very run down hotel
  • Friday – A cross-dressing man in some parkland

I will be posting more updates in the next week or so and, although I am away for a couple of weeks after that, I hope to schedule these reports to be published while I am away.

I’m fully back online now so feel free to comment on this post or message me by whatever means you want to, I will do my best to reply.