Control and Humiliation

ControlHumiliation

There are two “feelings” that I enjoy a lot, well I say enjoy but what I really mean is love/crave/NEED otherwise I start to feel…I don’t know how to describe it….”wrong”. Those two feelings are the feeling of being controlled by another person and the feel of humiliation.

Control

Mistress controls me in a multitude of ways, there are rules that I must follow all the time and there are jobs that I must attend to so that she doesn’t have to. For instance there is a rule that I must always wear lingerie no matter where I’m going or what I’m doing because she wants me to be “dressed for sex” 24/7 and I do all of the housework and cooking because she decided that she wanted domestic service to be one of the roles I perform for her.

Those are examples of overt ways in which she controls my actions and my appearance but she also controls my behaviour. I don’t mean that she micromanages every interaction I have and friends and colleagues would hardly notice it but through her training my behaviour has definitely changed, especially when I am around her.

I think in general it can be characterised by being more aware of myself, more aware of how I am sitting, how my body is positioned, where I am sitting and also what comes out of my mouth versus what my brain is thinking. I’m not saying I didn’t pay attention to these things before but it feels sort of heightened now, she has altered the way my brain operates in very subtle ways.

I love all of this, I love that she has moulded me to be what she wants from what I wear to what I do and even to how I think. She has influenced every part of my being and I adore her for it, it is everything a Dominant should be. I know any people just want to be a dominant that disciplines a slave and concentrates on the S&M side of things and I used to be very much about that side but this relationship, this deepness of control is what I now realise I have craved all of my life. The fact that I am a masochist and she is a sadist are just icing on the cake!

However, all of the above is now just a part of my everyday life, there is one other aspect that is more noticeable to me and it gets my pussy pulsing every time. When I became her full-time submissive I gave up the usernames and passwords to all of my online systems, iCloud, iMessage, WhatsApp, Email, Tumblr, WordPress, Fetlife, CollarSpace…literally everything, her finger print is even registered on my phone. And if I sign up for something, no matter what it is, I add the details to a system that she controls. I can view and add to it but I can’t delete anything from it (not that I would).

The upshot of this is that if you have messaged me, emailed me, whatever, there is a possibility she has read it. I’m not saying she spends every night trawling through my messages but I do know she looks at them from time to time and reads anything that piques her interest. I have absolutely no privacy from her whatsoever.

The main “system” that she uses and that turns me on though is Find My Friends. I share my location with her but she doesn’t reciprocate and the way she uses it I absolutely love. Once it was set up she never mentioned it again, I’ve never seen her on it and she doesn’t ring me up and tell me she knows where I am or anything like that but I know she watches me.

It comes out in a very indirect way, for instance this lunch time I went to a coffee shop with two colleagues and about thirty seconds after I entered, whilst still queuing, I got a text from her telling me what to order. My insides were clenching up as I ordered exactly what she’d told me and when I got it I sent her a snapchat of it with just a little heart as a response, she texted “Good girl” and that was it.

It was just a small exchange but the implications are huge, she knew I’d left work for lunch, which I do at a random time whenever I am ready, and she knew where I’d gone for lunch. It’s weird, for a vanilla person it would be a huge invasion of privacy but for me all I got was a nice warm protected feeling and wet knickers.

Humiliation

This is not the same as embarrassment at all, I really dislike feeling embarrassed. I don’t like to be laughed at or feel like I am the brunt of some joke, I was bullied at school to some degree (nothing major) and embarrassment brings back those feelings of being excluded and ridiculed which is not something that turns me on.

Embarrassment is when someone sticks something on your back and everyone knows and laughs about it except you, I think it being non-consensual is a big part of it. Humiliation is different, for me at lease, humiliation is allowing something to happen that brings you feelings of shame.

I’ve been naked in front of strangers more times than I can count but I still get that feeling every single time. I still blush, feel the need to avert my gaze and always, always feel that warmth growing between my legs. Mistress knows exactly how to push my buttons and she has this thing that she likes to do in these situations where I am meeting someone for the very first time. She doesn’t do it every time, that would make it predictable, but often enough that I am always nervous that it is coming.

First she introduces me and it is quite normal, a shaken hand or a kiss on the cheek, that sort of thing. Then she will explain that I am her submissive, that I obey what she tells me to do. Bare in mind I don’t know the other person and have no idea if they are in the scene, just aware of the scene or are completely vanilla unless we are in a context that would give it away.

Miss knows a lot of people and we visit her friends and acquaintances quite often, I don’t know in advance if these are vanilla meetings or not, sometimes we have a cup of tea and discuss politics, sometimes I kneel naked and nose-to-nose with a complete stranger, it keeps things interesting.

Anyway, so after introductions she will tell me to undress in some way or another, remove my top of dress or jeans. She never does it for me, that would activate my submissiveness and I would be straight into that mode whereby I let her do whatever she wants with me and she is my entire world. No, she has me do it myself so that I feel the awkwardness of someone I don’t know watching me expose my body, first in my underwear and then inevitably my modified breasts and then my hairless pussy.

It doesn’t end there though, invariably I will be told to “present” a particular part of my body. These are positions which Mistress has taught me and drilled me on until I do them perfectly. For example, if I am told to present my mouth I kneel, up with my knees shoulder width apart, wrists crossed behind the small of my back, head tilted back and mouth open.

Other examples are “display your breasts” which involves pushing my chest out and cupping my breasts whilst turning my head to the side and the more humiliating “present your pussy” whereby I must stand with my legs spread quite wide, arms folded behind my back and sort of thrust my groin out at the person. That one is humiliating because it is just a bizarre position to put your body in, it is lewd, but also because my pussy is almost always glistening with wetness.

The final one is the one I find the most humiliating and therefore possibly the biggest turn on. “Present your ass” involves bending at the waist with legs spread, gripping my ass cheeks and pulling them apart to expose my asshole. I don’t know why but there is something deeply intimate about your asshole and pulling your cheeks apart to display it, feeling the air on it and knowing someone is looking at it is very humiliating for me and doing this in front of anyone, especially a stranger is a huge, horrible, turn on for me.

I say horrible because that’s what it is. I don’t know how this works for other people but for me there is a definite love/hate sort of situation going on with this side of my desires. I love it because I hate it. Inwardly I cringe every time I have to do something like this and parts of my brain scream at me not to degrade myself like this but it’s the fact that I am unable to “normalise” it that maintains the attraction I think.

In other news…

Mistress found a new “cane” that she intends to use on me. It is a long and very thin metal …erm, stick, I suppose. I don’t know where she got it but it looks wicked and is going to sting so much! Here it is resting on a butt plug, no reason other than it was what I had to hand:

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Achievements

Achievements

So it is 2pm on Thursday 10th May 2018 and I have been a very busy girl today and wanted to share everything I have achieved so far today!

I got up at 6am when my fitness band vibrated on my wrist, no snoozing, no second alarm just straight out of bed. I bought a fitness band not to track my steps and things but simply so that I could have a silent alarm that would make me but not Mistress as I have things to do before she wakes up.

I used the toilet and then got in the shower and cleaned myself thoroughly which includes ensuring that no body hair exists anywhere and that both of my holes are washed out with water .Occasionally Mistress will push a finger deep into me and if it comes out dirty then cleaning her finger with my mouth is the least of my worries! That hasn’t happened for a long time though.

After my shower but before dressing I went to the kitchen and prepared some food. Mistresses office location means she has few options for lunch so likes to take something with her, this morning I made a couscous and pomegranate salad whilst some croissant baked in the oven and then I took a croissant and coffee up to her.

Mistress enjoys watching me get ready for work whilst she eats her breakfast. At first it made me feel very self-conscious as she watched me dry my hair and apply my makeup and then get dressed, bending over and hiding nothing. Now though it is almost like a show, I make sure I bend over at just the right angles so that my fiancé can enjoy the best views of every part of my body.

Anyway, once I was dressed she called me over to the bed and opened her legs. There were no orders given, and despite the fact that I had just done my makeup etc, my lips were on hers almost immediately and I was savouring the taste of her as my tongue circled her clit.

She came with her hand on the back of my head so that she could grind her pussy into my face and casually lifted her leg over me and headed for the shower leaving me knelt on the bed.

I brushed my messed up hair again whilst her juices dried around my mouth because I’m not permitted to wipe it off, ever, then I applied my makeup again and changed my underwear which was already soaked through. That seems like a simple thing when you’re wearing a skirt but it really isn’t because I have to wear a matching lingerie set at all times so changing my knickers means also changing my bra and garter belt. I almost didn’t bother but I do like to start the day with at least mostly dry knickers!

When Miss came out of the shower I could see I was in trouble for something, she had that look on her face and it didn’t take me long to remember that I hadn’t picked my wet towel up off the floor in the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and I walked over to her, knelt and then belt over her knee in as graceful a way as possible. She said “Do you know why?” and I responded “Yes Mistress, the towel, I’m sorry” and she replied with “Ten then”.

She lifted my skirt to reveal my ass cheeks (almost all of my underwear is thongs so that my ass cheeks are almost always bare) and I counted out each severe slap of her hand. Punishment spankings are very different from play spankings, there is no warm up, no gentle swats to get me ready or roaming fingers to explore how I’m reacting to the attention, it’s ten hard and fast and then a quick hug before she let me get up so she could get ready.

After doing my hair for the third time I left the house at 7:30 and sat uncomfortably in the car on my freshly reddened ass until I arrived at work.

At 12pm, having done just over four hours of work I left the office for my lunch hour, I rarely take the full hour but I needed to today. I got into a waiting taxi that I had already ordered as per the text I had received at 11am from Mistress, I reviewed some paperwork on the ten minute taxi ride. At my destination I asked the taxi to wait for me and then went down behind some buildings and knocked on the back door of a familiar one.

I was let in by the usual person and led in silence to a small messy office in the corner of the store-room where I pulled my skirt up around my waist and knelt on the floor. The guy has quite good stamina and despite my now well practised skills in fellatio it usually takes about eight minutes before I’m swallowing his cum, this time with his hand buried in my hair.

This “service” that Mistress has me provide has turned sucking cock and swallowing cum into a sort of non-thing for me. The act itself does turn me on but only really because of how humiliating it is to be used in that way by strangers, actually sucking the cock and swallowing is almost like muscle memory now, I can think about other things while I do it and my mouth just does what it is supposed to.

After sorting my hair again and reapplying lipstick I got back into the waiting taxi and had it drop me in town. I got a sandwich and a coke to join my “snack” and took it back to the office to eat with some of my colleagues.

I wonder what the rest of the day has in store for me!

A new story

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I had intended writing about my collaring for today but I’ve been a bit tied up, not literally unfortunately, and haven’t finished writing about that yet and I want to do the experience justice so I’ve going to save it for next week.

Instead I’ve finished a new story that I’ve been working on for a little while, it’s called Stranger on a Train, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It’s a long time since I’ve written any fiction stories so please feel free to give critique, it will help me when I write more stories (there’s at least one more in the works!).

If you want to read any of my other fiction stories you can find them all on the stories page.

Digital detox

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I really don’t know why anyone follows this blog! I’m terribly inconsistent with writing posts and while I’ve apologised more times then I can count for it I’ve never got any better at posting regularly!

My excuse this time is that I needed a bit of a break from my online presence. I don’t want to imply that I’m more than what I am, I’m not any sort of online celebrity like has been suggested by some and despite appearances I’m not a particularly big attention seeker, although I am a little bit 🙂

I have Twitter, Tumblr, Collar Space, this blog, email and it was all getting a bit much to keep up with so I took a break.

It my own choice, not because I was ordered to by any new Mistress that some have speculated I have either! Yes I am still seeing Fiona and yes it is going well but no she didn’t order me to stop speaking to people online or anything like that. In fact she is happy for us to have an open relationship at the moment as she already has “other commitments” as well.

Whilst I haven’t been online in my usual ways recently I have been having some fun, at least one eagle eyed reader saw a post I made on a website relating to something I did a couple of weeks ago which fulfilled a couple of things from my fantasies list.

This is something I’ve thought about doing for a long time but haven’t got round to arranging until recently, or rather having someone else arrange. The premise was this; I would post an advert on a dogging website inviting people to “apply” to use me for whatever they wanted for one night (or actually a few hours) and five successful applicants would get to do what they wanted on five consecutive nights. The applications would go to a third party (who will remain anonymous) and they would organise all the details, all I’d know is where to be and when each night.

Here is the advert, which was written by me but edited and approved by the person who organised it:

I am a female submissive masochist in her early thirties and based in Cambridgeshire who craves cruel humiliation, degradation and rough use by strangers. I have brown hair, am 5′ 9″ with a slim build.To fulfil these needs a Dominant has instructed me to post this advert.

I am looking for singles or couples of any gender/colour/age/weight/etc who would enjoy playing with me one night next week (5th – 9th September 2016) with no strings attached. The Dominant will choose from those who reply to this advert (assuming anyone does!) and I will play with one each night next week.

This is a genuine offer and I am very excited about it.

If this interests you, please reply to this advert before midnight on Thursday and include the following:

  • A little detail about yourself
  • A picture of yourself
  • Broadly what you would like to do with me
  • Where you would like to meet
  • Your email address (important!)

I will forward all replies (without reading them) to the Dominant who will choose the five for me to play with and contact (hence needing your email address) them directly to arrange the details, I will not be involved in the selection process and will be submissive to you when I arrive at the designated meeting place (hotel/woodland/public bathrooms).

Again, this is a genuine offer so only genuine and sensible replies with all the information requested please.

The website that I posted this on has a mailbox and mine was pretty much full for the next few days which ended up equating to twenty “applications” being made, all describing what they wanted to do with me.

I’d obviously discussed this with the person who organised the evenings in advance and I knew he would be finding the people and events that would be the most horrible for me but also vetting the people to make sure I’d be safe and that my identity would be safe, for instance the people involved have no idea about this blog.

The week was amazing, I came away having enjoyed doing some disgusting things, in private and public places all with complete strangers. I am in the process of writing reports for the person who arranged it and he has agreed that I can post them here once he has read them. In the meantime, here is a little description of who I met each night and where:

  • Monday – A mid 30’s Dominant female and submissive male couple in woodland
  • Tuesday – An very overweight male in a hotel bar
  • Wednesday – A very fit an muscly black man in woodland
  • Thursday – A mature slightly overweight lady in a very run down hotel
  • Friday – A cross-dressing man in some parkland

I will be posting more updates in the next week or so and, although I am away for a couple of weeks after that, I hope to schedule these reports to be published while I am away.

I’m fully back online now so feel free to comment on this post or message me by whatever means you want to, I will do my best to reply.

An email

The following is an email I received in response to a query I made of an acquaintance of Fiona’s:


Lois (and Fiona),

The insertion of an NG Tube carries many potential problems, the insertion of multiple NG tubes will carry additional complications and I would strongly advise against anyone but a very experienced medical professional carrying out such a procedure, especially with the larger variant of tube.

The main risk I see is damage to the pharynx or oesophagus especially during the insertion of the second tube but as I mentioned, a medical professional will be able to mitigate that risk. Once the tube(s) are inserted the main issue, baring in mind your stated objective, is vomiting. Vomiting with an NG tube inserted could cause serious complications and the tube(s) should be removed immediately if it occurs, you should be monitored throughout your proposed scene for this reason.

To reduce the chance of vomiting I would advise building a tolerance to the urine, especially stronger urine, by drinking your own daily and gradually increasing the volume as you approach the day of the scene, it may also be beneficial to take some over the counter anti sickness tablets directly before the scene. During the scene it may be a good idea to wear a loosely fitting posture collar as it will help keep your neck straight, which is important.

Good luck.

Regards
Dr xxxxx xxxxxxxx

Self torture result

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Today I am exhausted and very sore, my stomach muscles are aching so badly that there is no comfortable position for me to be in, it’s like I’ve done about a thousand sit ups. I’m also incredibly freaked out by something that happened last night but I’ll come back to that.

When I got home from work I got a bit of food and then went out to the shed and cleared some space amongst the gardening stuff so that there was room for me and space to run rope to the restraint points that I put in there ages ago. Then I took some gardening gloves and walked to a nearby alley which usually has nettles in it, I collected some in a bag and took them back and laid them on the floor of the shed. I then ran an extension cable form the house into the shed for the TENS unit.

Back in the house I went a took a shower, then dried myself and my hair enjoying being able to roam around the house naked while my sister was out. I put on a little makeup so I looked presentable and then prepared the enema.

I had thought about using very cold water for the enema but decided that this was going to be bad enough anyway so went with lukewarm water filling the two litre enema bag all the way up with it then attached the tube and nozzle and hung it up ready.

The next part was quite difficult, I took a piece of red rope and tied a knot in the end, then placed the knot on the back of my head and started to plait my hair and the rope together finally tying it off tightly with a couple of hair ties. Once my hair was all done with a piece of rope dangling from it I opened two condoms and placed them over my locking plug before smearing some vaseline around the neck of the plug when my hole would close around it.

I had purchased some new pads for my TENS unit and I peeled off the coating and placed two at the top and two at the bottom of my abdomen so the shocks would shoot through my muscles causing them to tense each time.

Finally I strapped my leather cuffs around my ankles and wrists and put a few things I would need in a small bag then knelt on the floor and moved to all fours before gently easing the enema nozzle into my ass hole and removing the clamp from the tube.

I quite like the feeling at first, as the liquid begins to flow, its certainly an odd sensation but two litres is quite a lot. It took a few minutes for the majority of the liquid to go into me and then I squeezed the bag and the tube to make sure it was all inside before I removed the nozzle and quickly pushed the plug in ignoring the pain of my ass stretching around it.

lockingplugFor those that have never heard of this locking plug it looks like the pictures to the right, while it is smaller when closed it is still a significant plug and then once the end is pushed down and the “petals” open it feels very large indeed.

Using my thumb I pushed the plunger and felt the plug expand inside me, filling and stretching me painfully and then I fiddled with the padlock until it went through the hole in the plug and I was able to close it and turn the timer eight times, locking the plug and the enema inside myself until morning.

Standing up I looked at myself in the mirror and could see that the liquid had distended my belly quite noticeably although at that point it was only slightly uncomfortable. It occurs to me now that I should have measured myself before and after, maybe next time!

Now that I had everything in place I went downstairs with my bag and, wearing a dressing gown, went into the shed and closed the door. The nettles were already stinging my feet.

I removed the dressing gown and put it in the corner and then took the rope hanging from my hair, passed it through my legs and clit ring and then threaded it through one of the eyes in the ceiling letting it dangle to the floor, then I knelt in the position I would spend the night.

The nettles stung all down my shins and it was particularly painful on the top of my feet so I tried to get my legs in the position they needed to be, feet together and knees spread wide, and then not move them again.

Taking a carabiner from my bag I pulled the rope hanging from the ceiling eyelet and pulled it through until it was taught meaning it came up between my ass cheeks over the plug, between my pussy lips and over my clit, then I tied the carabiner to it about three feet from the ground. I took some more rope from my bag and tied a piece around each knee and then tied them tightly to eyelets on each wall of the shed so that I couldn’t close my legs even  a centimetre.

With my legs bound in position I took a ball gag from my bag, coated it in tabasco sauce and then inserted it and buckled it behind my head, the tabasco already starting to burn in my mouth and on my lips. I attached weighted clamps to both nipples and both of my pussy lips as well, the weights weren’t very heavy but were enough to cause a little pain immediately and a lot after eight hours.

In my shed there are four bricks, the type with three holes through them which I’ve chained together to use as a weight for self bondage, I’ve used it many times for various different things and it was going to be part of this scenario too. I lifted it up, which was a struggle, and managed to hook the chain on it through the carabiner and then slowly lower it as I sat back into position.

Once the bricks were hanging free from the rope they pulled my head back via the rope attached to my hair which also pulled tightly between my legs forcing the plug in deep and the rope to move between might pussy lips and agonisingly over my exposed clit. Now moving my head up would cause the rope to drag over my sensitive pussy and clit painfully.

I plugged the leads from the TENS unit into the pads on my stomach and then plugged it in and set it to pulse for ten minutes then stop for twenty and repeat. Finally I put on a blindfold and then used the other timer lock to fasten my ankles and wrists together and turned the dial six times.

All this preparation probably took longer to write about than actually do which only took about ten minutes and by that time the cramps from the enema had started and I felt like my body was ready to get rid of all this liquid inside me.

When the TENS kicked in for the first time it made things so much worse! I was sat there breathing through my nose, managing the pain and starting to think I need to move my neck when it sent a pulse through my stomach muscles causing them to tense and a massive cramping pain to start inside me. If you’ve ever used a TENS machine for toning your stomach etc you’ll know that its a very uncomfortable feeling and the small electric shocks mess with your muscles and there’s nothing you can do about it. Imagine that whilst you whole stomach area is bloated with water and already cramping all over the place.

Bizarrely once the TENS went on it’s break I actually felt kind of relaxed, kind of, I managed to get used to the stomach pains enough to manage them and the only problem was my neck would get sore being bent back and I’d have to move it and the rope rubbing on my clit really hurt so I had to move it really slowly. Then the TENS kicked back in and it was agony again and all I wanted do was to bend forward and curl up but I could hardly move at all, by now I was regretting the TENS unit addition.

The pains from the clamps on my nipples and pussy had become a dull ache by this point, when I keep clamps on for a long time it goes through stages, they hurt at first and then it calms down as I get used to it and then it goes through a stage that I hate where it kind of goes numb but in a painful way, I don’t know how else to describe it. Then it moves on to a dull ache which is painful but bearable.

crotch-ropeIt continued like that for a few hours except after each TENS session it took longer and was harder to get myself “stable” again because the cramps even without it were pretty bad by then plus my arms and legs were aching from being stuck in the same position and my clit was getting raw from the rope rubbing on it so much, every movement of my head was really painful between my legs. When the TENS activated all of that went away and all I could think about was the pain in my abdomen.

I started at about 10pm and I think it was a little after 1am when I heard something outside the shed and then quickly realised it was a someone. I immediately thought it must be my sister who’d come home rather than stay out and lots of things started shooting through my head about what I could say to explain but realistically my predicament would be somewhat difficult to justify to her.

The door opened and someone walked in and then….nothing, silence. I said my sisters name and then “who’s there” but neither was probably understandable through my gag. It occurred to me I must look a horrendous mess, drool running from the sides of my mouth, my nipples and pussy lips hanging lewdly from the weights, glistening wet pussy completely exposed.

I felt the persons breath on my face just before their lips made contact with my cheek which made me jump back and the rope to rag over my clit and pussy agonisingly. The person had kissed me on the cheek but not on the side like you would a friend, they kissed me just below my eye right on my cheek bone.

I jumped again as they touched my chest and then I realised they were writing on me with something, I didn’t know what to do so I just let them and they scrawled right across the top of my tits. When they stopped I tried to ask “who is it” again but all I got as a response was the sound of the door shutting.

Freaking out would be an understatement! I frantically tried to get out of my cuffs causing more nettle stings and pussy pain but there was no way to get free, I’d done too good a job on myself, I resigned myself to seeing out the timers before I could see what was written and hopefully find out who it was.

Over the next three hours all sorts of options went through my head in between the TENS sessions which brought all of my consciousness to the pain and I couldn’t concentrate on wondering who had seen me and what the potential consequences of it could be.

The last hour and a half was horrendous, the cramping was insane constantly even without the TENS and when it did start up it was almost unbearable and I was crying when the timer released the lock on my hands. I quickly untangled my wrists and gently moved my arms for the first time in eight hours, when my arms could move easier I ripped off the blindfold. Removing the clamps was seriously painful but the worst was when I lifted the bricks and took the pressure off the rope digging into my pussy and clit.

I could see the writing on me was a number but couldn’t read it properly, I peeled off the TENS pads and then got my dressing gown on and slowly went back to the house and up to my room grabbing my phone and taking a picture of the number written in dark red lipstick across my tits. That’s all it was, a mobile phone number, I checked in my phone and it isn’t a number I know either.

I looked at myself in the mirror as I undid my hair, my shins and feet were all red from nettle stings and my clit was red and swollen and a red groove ran through my pussy where the rope had been dug in. My nipples and pussy lips had deep marks where the clamps had pinched them so long and there, on my cheek was a dark red lip print which I also took a picture of.

Whilst I was stood in front of the mirror the lock on my plug clicked open and I spent the next forty five minutes expelling the enema into the toilet which was equally painful and satisfying!

I took a shower and then tried to get some sleep as I had to work a few hours later but struggled as I was equally curious and worried about who had come and seen me. Eventually I managed to get to sleep after gently massaging my swollen clit to orgasm.

I’ve considered deleting my entire online presence today in case it is some stalker who has found my real identity and have subtly asked everyone I can think of (except Kayleigh) and no one is admitting to it. Just now I tried calling the number but there was no answer, I’m at a loss, I hope I find out soon because it’s all I can think about and I’m away this whole weekend with my sister.

Blind date (part 2)

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My sincere apologies that I didn’t managed to finished writing about this before I went away, there were a few pre-holiday complications and I ended up spending most of the day on the phone rather than writing about this which would have been much more interesting!

My holiday was fabulous, a really fun and interesting trip and just the break I needed, I feel much calmer and happier for it. The following is a continuation of this post


This was definitely a first, I’ve never cum whilst being submerged in water before and it was amazing and scary all at once. At first the wave of pleasure rolled over me just as it always does, starting in my pussy and my head simultaneously and radiating through my body right to the tips of my fingers and toes as I moan. Only this time when I moaned my mouth filled with cold water and the warm pleasure of my orgasm mixed with panic as I began to thrash and try to get my head out of the water in vain.

He kept my head held firmly under the water though and all pleasure from my orgasm evaporated as my lungs began to burn and I realised I couldn’t stop myself from drowning. As I realised this there was a sharp pain in my head as he dragged me up out of the water by my pony tail and I gasped in air trying to refill my lungs. As I started to come round a little from my panic I noticed the tingling after glow from the previous pleasure and began to be reminded of the pain of the clamps on my nipples and from being held up only by my hair.

I barely had time to acknowledge these thoughts though before he plunged me back under the water. I didn’t have a burgeoning orgasm to distract me this time but I was oddly calmer. I think I realised he wasn’t going to drown me the second time and I just went with it, holding my breathe as long as I could and then letting it out slowly until my lungs were empty and I started to feel lightheaded again, then I started to panic again and despite resolving not to I thrashed to try and get my head above the water again.

People say that drowning is a very relaxing way to die and that you just drift off, that is not my impression after experiencing the early stages of it. There was no relaxing, once I felt like I was drowning my body just took over trying to save itself and the only thing that mattered was air, relaxed I was not!

There were two more faux drownings after that, leaving me in longer each time and giving me less time to recover between each submersion. By the time he lifted me out of the water and dumped me on the floor I was a wreck, shaking from the cold and the adrenaline gasping in air as fast as I could. Whilst I was still on the floor recovering he released my leg cuffs but reattached the padlock to my wrist cuffs, my legs fell to the floor aching but I was still concentrating on breathing when he pushed his cock deep into my pussy.

He was huge, I’ve been with plenty of guys with various sized cocks but I think this is the biggest I’ve every had. He knelt either side of my splayed legs and lifted my hips, then I briefly felt his tip rub over my clit before he parted my lips and plunged into me. The water helped but I think I was also pretty wet and he wasn’t gentle, his cock rammed up into me and I felt the uncomfortable sensation of him pushing into my cervix just before he pulled back and rammed into me again.

There was no messing around, he obviously enjoyed drowning me a lot because he was rock hard and really fucking me hard with no interest in waiting for me to join in. He didn’t last long, I must have felt really tight on him considering how big he felt to me and about a minute later he rammed into me and I felt his warm cum filling me just before he vacated my cunt and dropped my hips to the floor. He must have barely cum before pulling out of me because I felt his seed run down my pussy as he exited and felt it drip onto my ass and back as he stepped over me.

I lay there for a few minutes, happy for the time to recover a little composure but very horny as I had been close to orgasm when he finished leaving me empty and wanting. When he returned he pulled me up by my hair again but this time I was able to clamber to my feet with my legs freed, he grabbed the chain still attached to my nipple and pulled me along but I screamed as he ripped the clamps straight off my nipples and I felt the exquisite agony of the blood rushing back into them, almost immediately he was in front of me grabbing my nipples and digging his nails into them while I squirmed and gritted my teeth, all the while my pussy getting hotter and wetter.

Not being able to see is very disorienting, I had no idea where I was in the room and every time he moved me I thought I was about to crash into something. As he dragged me over to the bed I could feel his cum dripping out of me and then I fell over his foot and thought I was going face first into the floor but instead landed with my upper body on the bed and my knees on the floor.

I meant to mention at the start but forgot, the bed was an ancient metal framed thing which was once gold coloured but all of gold coating had worn away so it was now mostly grey metal. The mattress was far from comfortable and the sheets looked like they had been washed a few million times. The most positive thing to say about it was that the metal headboard had plenty of roping points.

He had apparently already tied a rope to the headboard because I felt it fall on my back as he threaded it through the padlock holding my wrists together, then he pulled it and my arms were pulled up away from my back and towards the head of the bed into a very awkward and painful position and then he tied off the rope. It was a very clever way to tie me, any movement caused a lot of pain in my arms and shoulders so he’d effectively immobilised me with one rope.

Now that I couldn’t move I jumped when I felt the metal scissors on my back but he was just butting the waistband of my thong so he could pull the ruined garment away, then he used them to wipe away the mess that was dripping from my pussy. There was a moment of nothing and then he told me to open my mouth and predictably the cummy underwear went in before he pushed my chin up and tape was securely sealed my lips. It was a few seconds before I tasted whatever he had smeared on the material, it was a horrendous taste and I tried to push the thong out with my tongue but the tape was strong and I couldn’t part my lips, I could hear him laughing as I moaned trying to get him to remove it before I was sick but he didn’t and I managed to hold it back.

I felt him kneel beside me just before I felt his hands on me, running up my thighs and spreading my legs, his fingers pushing into my pussy and then into my ass as well before withdrawing so he could run his hands up my back and under me to cup and massage my breasts. It’s weird considering he had just fucked me but this was by far the most invasive thing he had done to me so far, his hands probed every part of my body and it felt very personal and intimate in a way that made me feel very violated, then it got worse.

His hair tickled my inner thighs and then his nose gently brushed my lips before his tongue parted them and ran over my clit, dipped into my hole and then over my perineum to my asshole. He ran his tongue around my rear hole for a good couple of minutes before he began to work it into me.

I’ve always considered analingus (or rimming) to be a submissive act but he really managed to turn those tables. With the position I was in, being bound, blindfolded and exposed and with him being a complete stranger to me, the fact he had his tongue pushed deep into my most personal area felt very violating and degrading, it was like he was saying “I will do whatever I want with your body and there is nothing you can do about it”.

As he continued to tongue my ass he slid two fingers into my pussy and to my shame I was dripping wet, he easily slid a third finger in and began fucking my pussy with his hand, building me up again until I biting down on the foul tasting material in my mouth as I came with his tongue in my ass and hand stretching my cunt.

Whilst he was off doing something and I recovered from my orgasm I found I had to swallow an excess of saliva that was being generated in my gagged mouth, and that whatever was on the gag had given my spit the same vile taste as the thong and I struggled not to gag as I swallowed it.

I screamed more from surprise than pain as something hit my ass with serious force, the gag prevented much noise from escaping though even when the second blow landed and my brain started to catch on to the sensation coming from my ass. I think it was a cane based on the marks I had the next day, he was relentless with it whatever it was and rained down blows all over my ass which was raw and burning almost immediately. He kept on hitting me over and over again for a long time, no asking me to count, no requests of me, just a sustained beating of my ass that had tears soaking the inside of my eye patches. Amazingly I would find out the next day that the skin was never broken although my ass was a mess and sitting is still a little uncomfortable a week and half later.

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When he finally stopped I could hear him panting from the exertion, it must have been quite tiring swinging the cane for such a long period of time, I know it was exhausting to be on the other end of it. I think he sat down for a bit in the chair opposite the bed, it felt like he was staring at me and it made me feel exposed and vulnerable.

If that is what he was doing he obviously liked what he saw because a few minutes later his hard cock pushed between my ass cheeks and found my tight little hole. I think he must have lubed himself because he managed to get the head into me with relative ease and then he just put all his weight behind pushing the rest of himself inside me.

Like I said before he has a large cock and my ass is fairly tight but that didn’t stop his burying it in me until his balls rested against my pussy. I felt like my ass would rip, I’ve never felt so full in my ass before and it was equal parts amazing and agonising, if you’ve never had anything up your ass then it’s hard to describe but it is certainly a unique feeling to be so deeply and fully fucked in there.

He held himself fully inserted for a minute and then began to thrust, I thought he might be more gentle this time but that clearly wasn’t his thing, he began the same rhythm of hard deep thrusts that he had used on my pussy and I moaned into the gag whilst he truly did violate me ass until he came in me for the second time. Just like before he painfully pulled his cock out of me as soon as he came leaving me empty and wanting.

Once again I was left alone for a few minutes and then I felt him tying rope around my leg, just above my knee, then the same on the other leg and then my legs were pulled apart by the rope as he pulled them around the legs of the bed and tied them off. This caused me knees to be spread wider meaning making for a more uncomfortable position but also made me lower down which put more pressure on my arms. He then reach between my legs and I could feel a slight tugging on my large clit ring then it was pulled hard away from me which was so agonisingly painful I can’t describe it. I shouted into the gag and shook my head but he removed his arms and I realised he tied my clit ring to the bed with it pulled in a horrendous way.

I stopped screaming at him when I heard the door shut and then heard only silence.

I assumed he wouldn’t be gone long but after what I guessed was twenty minutes I wasn’t so sure, I found that if I slid my body a little downwards I could relieve some of the pull on my clit which was a lot more bearable. The problem was it put extra pressure on my arms and shoulders but it was worth it to relieve it on my poor little clit.

It seemed like he was gone for hours but in fact I think it was about one hour, the door opened and I turned my head even though I couldn’t actually look at him, I did hear what I thought was a carrier bag though.

His hands were on me again then, groping all over my body in the possessive way that he had done before, probing my wet used holes, he scooped some cum out of my ass with his finger and wiped it on the tape just below my nose so I was treated to the mixed scent of ass and cum then he came close to my ear.

He said “I’m tired now cunt. I’m going to get into this bed and sleep for a while and if you wake me up you will really regret it.” I nodded resigning myself to staying in this painful position for the next few hours and then I felt his hands on me again.

He placed a hand on each of my ass cheeks and I felt they were wet, he ran them all over my ass then down between my cheeks and pushed a finger into my rear hole. The burning started about that time, I’ve no idea what he put on my but it stung horrendously on my caned ass and ass he ran his hands over more places the burning spread to them. He continued from my asshole down between my pussy lips coating my pussy inside and out with the substance until both my pussy and ass were on fire. The last thing he did was to run a finger over my outstretched exposed clit.

I vaguely remember the bed moving as he climbed onto it and definitely heard him laughing as I writhed below his feet.My tearful eyes were wide open behind the patches as I tried not to scream into the gag, I didn’t want to keep him awake and incur a worse fate but it was incredibly difficult when my most sensitive parts burned so severely that I genuinely feared that damage was being done.

The next hour was horrendous, the burning was intense and the position painful and uncomfortable. Any attempt to change position just made it worse for one part of me or another and I ended up retreating to how I was before.

The burning eventually began to fade but the strains on my body continued for the rest of the night and by the time I heard him begin to stir my limbs were painfully numb (if that makes any sense at all) and I was covered in a layer of sweat. He made no effort to talk to me as he climbed out of bed and came round to me.

He undid my clit ring first, then each of my legs and then my arms, when he did those I basically just collapsed to the floor and listened to him chuckling. He ripped off the tape and I spat out the ruined thong and achingly moved my jaw around. It was hard to move my arms and pain shot through them as I forced them back to a normal position eventually getting my body into a foetal position where I stayed until he pulled me up by my pony tail.

My hair was pulled tightly as he led me into the bathroom and into the bath on my knees, I thought he would make me swallow his piss but instead he just let it go in my face and let his dark yellow morning pee run all over my head and hair.

When he was done he pulled out back out of the bath by my hair and walked me into the bedroom again, he padlocked my wrists behind me again and then walked me a bit further. He pinched my left nipple and then a very tight clamp was placed on and I bit my lip to avoid making a noise, then the same on my other nipple. The clamps were the metal teeth of an old wooden coat hanger with clamps to hang trousers from and he let it hang from my nipples twisting them harshly. Then he pulled me forward and then yanked it upward, making me catch my breath, and then obviously hung it from the rail.

I didn’t need to go on tip toes but at the same time I couldn’t stand flat without pulling on my already tightly crushed nipples so I sort of hovered in between whilst he went to the toilet and had a shower before messing around in the room packing his things.

Finally he came and unhooked the hanger and led me by a few steps before forcing me to my knees and pushing his cock into my mouth. I sucked him like a good slut despite the lack of the use of my hands, he filled my mouth and pushed into my throat sometimes but he didn’t cum in the last of my holes. Instead he pulled me over to the bad and laid on it pulling me by the hanger until I straddled him and then guided himself to my pussy before saying “do it slowly and enjoy it”.

I nodded and gently slid down onto him, his thick cock filling me deliciously as I pushed down until my clit ring lay on him. It was tough on my legs without the use of my arms but I slowly fucked him and to be honest it felt amazing, I kept it slow and steady for a good ten minutes until his hands on my hips told me to speed up and then he quickly came inside me again. I’d kept them quiet but I’d already come a couple of times from the fullness and grinding myself into him on the downward thrusts.

When he came he grabbed the hanged and yanked it, I think he intended to rip it off but the clamps were too tight and I ended up just falling on him. He left me there for a minutes and then rolled me off him and led me, again by the hanger, into the bathroom. He knelt me down on the floor and then used my pony tail to bend me over pushing my head down until I realised he was pushing my head into the toilet and the smell told me immediately it hadn’t been flushed.

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I heard him cough up phlegm and then spit and felt it go in my hair, then he closed the seat as best he could with my head in it and then I heard the sound of tape as he wrapped it around me and the seat. He unlocked the padlock on my cuffs and then the last thing I heard was the door to the room opening and closing.

Even with my arms free it took me about twenty minutes to get the tape off and free myself from the toilet. When I had I flushed it and then sat back on the floor and undid all four of my cuffs before eventually dragging myself off the floor and heading for the bed, I was so tired.

I climbed into bed but then had to jump out again, he’d scattered a load of drawing pins (thumbs tacks) under the covers and several were now stuck in my thigh, I brushed them off and brushed them out of the bed and climbed in. I peeled the patches off my eyes and blinked as even the low light seemed bright, then closed my eyes and went to sleep.

I woke up a couple of hours later when I rolled over and drawing pin stuck into my stomach. I got up, showered and tidied the room before I left and headed home.