Control and Humiliation

ControlHumiliation

There are two “feelings” that I enjoy a lot, well I say enjoy but what I really mean is love/crave/NEED otherwise I start to feel…I don’t know how to describe it….”wrong”. Those two feelings are the feeling of being controlled by another person and the feel of humiliation.

Control

Mistress controls me in a multitude of ways, there are rules that I must follow all the time and there are jobs that I must attend to so that she doesn’t have to. For instance there is a rule that I must always wear lingerie no matter where I’m going or what I’m doing because she wants me to be “dressed for sex” 24/7 and I do all of the housework and cooking because she decided that she wanted domestic service to be one of the roles I perform for her.

Those are examples of overt ways in which she controls my actions and my appearance but she also controls my behaviour. I don’t mean that she micromanages every interaction I have and friends and colleagues would hardly notice it but through her training my behaviour has definitely changed, especially when I am around her.

I think in general it can be characterised by being more aware of myself, more aware of how I am sitting, how my body is positioned, where I am sitting and also what comes out of my mouth versus what my brain is thinking. I’m not saying I didn’t pay attention to these things before but it feels sort of heightened now, she has altered the way my brain operates in very subtle ways.

I love all of this, I love that she has moulded me to be what she wants from what I wear to what I do and even to how I think. She has influenced every part of my being and I adore her for it, it is everything a Dominant should be. I know any people just want to be a dominant that disciplines a slave and concentrates on the S&M side of things and I used to be very much about that side but this relationship, this deepness of control is what I now realise I have craved all of my life. The fact that I am a masochist and she is a sadist are just icing on the cake!

However, all of the above is now just a part of my everyday life, there is one other aspect that is more noticeable to me and it gets my pussy pulsing every time. When I became her full-time submissive I gave up the usernames and passwords to all of my online systems, iCloud, iMessage, WhatsApp, Email, Tumblr, WordPress, Fetlife, CollarSpace…literally everything, her finger print is even registered on my phone. And if I sign up for something, no matter what it is, I add the details to a system that she controls. I can view and add to it but I can’t delete anything from it (not that I would).

The upshot of this is that if you have messaged me, emailed me, whatever, there is a possibility she has read it. I’m not saying she spends every night trawling through my messages but I do know she looks at them from time to time and reads anything that piques her interest. I have absolutely no privacy from her whatsoever.

The main “system” that she uses and that turns me on though is Find My Friends. I share my location with her but she doesn’t reciprocate and the way she uses it I absolutely love. Once it was set up she never mentioned it again, I’ve never seen her on it and she doesn’t ring me up and tell me she knows where I am or anything like that but I know she watches me.

It comes out in a very indirect way, for instance this lunch time I went to a coffee shop with two colleagues and about thirty seconds after I entered, whilst still queuing, I got a text from her telling me what to order. My insides were clenching up as I ordered exactly what she’d told me and when I got it I sent her a snapchat of it with just a little heart as a response, she texted “Good girl” and that was it.

It was just a small exchange but the implications are huge, she knew I’d left work for lunch, which I do at a random time whenever I am ready, and she knew where I’d gone for lunch. It’s weird, for a vanilla person it would be a huge invasion of privacy but for me all I got was a nice warm protected feeling and wet knickers.

Humiliation

This is not the same as embarrassment at all, I really dislike feeling embarrassed. I don’t like to be laughed at or feel like I am the brunt of some joke, I was bullied at school to some degree (nothing major) and embarrassment brings back those feelings of being excluded and ridiculed which is not something that turns me on.

Embarrassment is when someone sticks something on your back and everyone knows and laughs about it except you, I think it being non-consensual is a big part of it. Humiliation is different, for me at lease, humiliation is allowing something to happen that brings you feelings of shame.

I’ve been naked in front of strangers more times than I can count but I still get that feeling every single time. I still blush, feel the need to avert my gaze and always, always feel that warmth growing between my legs. Mistress knows exactly how to push my buttons and she has this thing that she likes to do in these situations where I am meeting someone for the very first time. She doesn’t do it every time, that would make it predictable, but often enough that I am always nervous that it is coming.

First she introduces me and it is quite normal, a shaken hand or a kiss on the cheek, that sort of thing. Then she will explain that I am her submissive, that I obey what she tells me to do. Bare in mind I don’t know the other person and have no idea if they are in the scene, just aware of the scene or are completely vanilla unless we are in a context that would give it away.

Miss knows a lot of people and we visit her friends and acquaintances quite often, I don’t know in advance if these are vanilla meetings or not, sometimes we have a cup of tea and discuss politics, sometimes I kneel naked and nose-to-nose with a complete stranger, it keeps things interesting.

Anyway, so after introductions she will tell me to undress in some way or another, remove my top of dress or jeans. She never does it for me, that would activate my submissiveness and I would be straight into that mode whereby I let her do whatever she wants with me and she is my entire world. No, she has me do it myself so that I feel the awkwardness of someone I don’t know watching me expose my body, first in my underwear and then inevitably my modified breasts and then my hairless pussy.

It doesn’t end there though, invariably I will be told to “present” a particular part of my body. These are positions which Mistress has taught me and drilled me on until I do them perfectly. For example, if I am told to present my mouth I kneel, up with my knees shoulder width apart, wrists crossed behind the small of my back, head tilted back and mouth open.

Other examples are “display your breasts” which involves pushing my chest out and cupping my breasts whilst turning my head to the side and the more humiliating “present your pussy” whereby I must stand with my legs spread quite wide, arms folded behind my back and sort of thrust my groin out at the person. That one is humiliating because it is just a bizarre position to put your body in, it is lewd, but also because my pussy is almost always glistening with wetness.

The final one is the one I find the most humiliating and therefore possibly the biggest turn on. “Present your ass” involves bending at the waist with legs spread, gripping my ass cheeks and pulling them apart to expose my asshole. I don’t know why but there is something deeply intimate about your asshole and pulling your cheeks apart to display it, feeling the air on it and knowing someone is looking at it is very humiliating for me and doing this in front of anyone, especially a stranger is a huge, horrible, turn on for me.

I say horrible because that’s what it is. I don’t know how this works for other people but for me there is a definite love/hate sort of situation going on with this side of my desires. I love it because I hate it. Inwardly I cringe every time I have to do something like this and parts of my brain scream at me not to degrade myself like this but it’s the fact that I am unable to “normalise” it that maintains the attraction I think.

In other news…

Mistress found a new “cane” that she intends to use on me. It is a long and very thin metal …erm, stick, I suppose. I don’t know where she got it but it looks wicked and is going to sting so much! Here it is resting on a butt plug, no reason other than it was what I had to hand:

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Achievements

Achievements

So it is 2pm on Thursday 10th May 2018 and I have been a very busy girl today and wanted to share everything I have achieved so far today!

I got up at 6am when my fitness band vibrated on my wrist, no snoozing, no second alarm just straight out of bed. I bought a fitness band not to track my steps and things but simply so that I could have a silent alarm that would make me but not Mistress as I have things to do before she wakes up.

I used the toilet and then got in the shower and cleaned myself thoroughly which includes ensuring that no body hair exists anywhere and that both of my holes are washed out with water .Occasionally Mistress will push a finger deep into me and if it comes out dirty then cleaning her finger with my mouth is the least of my worries! That hasn’t happened for a long time though.

After my shower but before dressing I went to the kitchen and prepared some food. Mistresses office location means she has few options for lunch so likes to take something with her, this morning I made a couscous and pomegranate salad whilst some croissant baked in the oven and then I took a croissant and coffee up to her.

Mistress enjoys watching me get ready for work whilst she eats her breakfast. At first it made me feel very self-conscious as she watched me dry my hair and apply my makeup and then get dressed, bending over and hiding nothing. Now though it is almost like a show, I make sure I bend over at just the right angles so that my fiancé can enjoy the best views of every part of my body.

Anyway, once I was dressed she called me over to the bed and opened her legs. There were no orders given, and despite the fact that I had just done my makeup etc, my lips were on hers almost immediately and I was savouring the taste of her as my tongue circled her clit.

She came with her hand on the back of my head so that she could grind her pussy into my face and casually lifted her leg over me and headed for the shower leaving me knelt on the bed.

I brushed my messed up hair again whilst her juices dried around my mouth because I’m not permitted to wipe it off, ever, then I applied my makeup again and changed my underwear which was already soaked through. That seems like a simple thing when you’re wearing a skirt but it really isn’t because I have to wear a matching lingerie set at all times so changing my knickers means also changing my bra and garter belt. I almost didn’t bother but I do like to start the day with at least mostly dry knickers!

When Miss came out of the shower I could see I was in trouble for something, she had that look on her face and it didn’t take me long to remember that I hadn’t picked my wet towel up off the floor in the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and I walked over to her, knelt and then belt over her knee in as graceful a way as possible. She said “Do you know why?” and I responded “Yes Mistress, the towel, I’m sorry” and she replied with “Ten then”.

She lifted my skirt to reveal my ass cheeks (almost all of my underwear is thongs so that my ass cheeks are almost always bare) and I counted out each severe slap of her hand. Punishment spankings are very different from play spankings, there is no warm up, no gentle swats to get me ready or roaming fingers to explore how I’m reacting to the attention, it’s ten hard and fast and then a quick hug before she let me get up so she could get ready.

After doing my hair for the third time I left the house at 7:30 and sat uncomfortably in the car on my freshly reddened ass until I arrived at work.

At 12pm, having done just over four hours of work I left the office for my lunch hour, I rarely take the full hour but I needed to today. I got into a waiting taxi that I had already ordered as per the text I had received at 11am from Mistress, I reviewed some paperwork on the ten minute taxi ride. At my destination I asked the taxi to wait for me and then went down behind some buildings and knocked on the back door of a familiar one.

I was let in by the usual person and led in silence to a small messy office in the corner of the store-room where I pulled my skirt up around my waist and knelt on the floor. The guy has quite good stamina and despite my now well practised skills in fellatio it usually takes about eight minutes before I’m swallowing his cum, this time with his hand buried in my hair.

This “service” that Mistress has me provide has turned sucking cock and swallowing cum into a sort of non-thing for me. The act itself does turn me on but only really because of how humiliating it is to be used in that way by strangers, actually sucking the cock and swallowing is almost like muscle memory now, I can think about other things while I do it and my mouth just does what it is supposed to.

After sorting my hair again and reapplying lipstick I got back into the waiting taxi and had it drop me in town. I got a sandwich and a coke to join my “snack” and took it back to the office to eat with some of my colleagues.

I wonder what the rest of the day has in store for me!

A new story

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I had intended writing about my collaring for today but I’ve been a bit tied up, not literally unfortunately, and haven’t finished writing about that yet and I want to do the experience justice so I’ve going to save it for next week.

Instead I’ve finished a new story that I’ve been working on for a little while, it’s called Stranger on a Train, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It’s a long time since I’ve written any fiction stories so please feel free to give critique, it will help me when I write more stories (there’s at least one more in the works!).

If you want to read any of my other fiction stories you can find them all on the stories page.

Digital detox

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I really don’t know why anyone follows this blog! I’m terribly inconsistent with writing posts and while I’ve apologised more times then I can count for it I’ve never got any better at posting regularly!

My excuse this time is that I needed a bit of a break from my online presence. I don’t want to imply that I’m more than what I am, I’m not any sort of online celebrity like has been suggested by some and despite appearances I’m not a particularly big attention seeker, although I am a little bit 🙂

I have Twitter, Tumblr, Collar Space, this blog, email and it was all getting a bit much to keep up with so I took a break.

It my own choice, not because I was ordered to by any new Mistress that some have speculated I have either! Yes I am still seeing Fiona and yes it is going well but no she didn’t order me to stop speaking to people online or anything like that. In fact she is happy for us to have an open relationship at the moment as she already has “other commitments” as well.

Whilst I haven’t been online in my usual ways recently I have been having some fun, at least one eagle eyed reader saw a post I made on a website relating to something I did a couple of weeks ago which fulfilled a couple of things from my fantasies list.

This is something I’ve thought about doing for a long time but haven’t got round to arranging until recently, or rather having someone else arrange. The premise was this; I would post an advert on a dogging website inviting people to “apply” to use me for whatever they wanted for one night (or actually a few hours) and five successful applicants would get to do what they wanted on five consecutive nights. The applications would go to a third party (who will remain anonymous) and they would organise all the details, all I’d know is where to be and when each night.

Here is the advert, which was written by me but edited and approved by the person who organised it:

I am a female submissive masochist in her early thirties and based in Cambridgeshire who craves cruel humiliation, degradation and rough use by strangers. I have brown hair, am 5′ 9″ with a slim build.To fulfil these needs a Dominant has instructed me to post this advert.

I am looking for singles or couples of any gender/colour/age/weight/etc who would enjoy playing with me one night next week (5th – 9th September 2016) with no strings attached. The Dominant will choose from those who reply to this advert (assuming anyone does!) and I will play with one each night next week.

This is a genuine offer and I am very excited about it.

If this interests you, please reply to this advert before midnight on Thursday and include the following:

  • A little detail about yourself
  • A picture of yourself
  • Broadly what you would like to do with me
  • Where you would like to meet
  • Your email address (important!)

I will forward all replies (without reading them) to the Dominant who will choose the five for me to play with and contact (hence needing your email address) them directly to arrange the details, I will not be involved in the selection process and will be submissive to you when I arrive at the designated meeting place (hotel/woodland/public bathrooms).

Again, this is a genuine offer so only genuine and sensible replies with all the information requested please.

The website that I posted this on has a mailbox and mine was pretty much full for the next few days which ended up equating to twenty “applications” being made, all describing what they wanted to do with me.

I’d obviously discussed this with the person who organised the evenings in advance and I knew he would be finding the people and events that would be the most horrible for me but also vetting the people to make sure I’d be safe and that my identity would be safe, for instance the people involved have no idea about this blog.

The week was amazing, I came away having enjoyed doing some disgusting things, in private and public places all with complete strangers. I am in the process of writing reports for the person who arranged it and he has agreed that I can post them here once he has read them. In the meantime, here is a little description of who I met each night and where:

  • Monday – A mid 30’s Dominant female and submissive male couple in woodland
  • Tuesday – An very overweight male in a hotel bar
  • Wednesday – A very fit an muscly black man in woodland
  • Thursday – A mature slightly overweight lady in a very run down hotel
  • Friday – A cross-dressing man in some parkland

I will be posting more updates in the next week or so and, although I am away for a couple of weeks after that, I hope to schedule these reports to be published while I am away.

I’m fully back online now so feel free to comment on this post or message me by whatever means you want to, I will do my best to reply.

An email

The following is an email I received in response to a query I made of an acquaintance of Fiona’s:


Lois (and Fiona),

The insertion of an NG Tube carries many potential problems, the insertion of multiple NG tubes will carry additional complications and I would strongly advise against anyone but a very experienced medical professional carrying out such a procedure, especially with the larger variant of tube.

The main risk I see is damage to the pharynx or oesophagus especially during the insertion of the second tube but as I mentioned, a medical professional will be able to mitigate that risk. Once the tube(s) are inserted the main issue, baring in mind your stated objective, is vomiting. Vomiting with an NG tube inserted could cause serious complications and the tube(s) should be removed immediately if it occurs, you should be monitored throughout your proposed scene for this reason.

To reduce the chance of vomiting I would advise building a tolerance to the urine, especially stronger urine, by drinking your own daily and gradually increasing the volume as you approach the day of the scene, it may also be beneficial to take some over the counter anti sickness tablets directly before the scene. During the scene it may be a good idea to wear a loosely fitting posture collar as it will help keep your neck straight, which is important.

Good luck.

Regards
Dr xxxxx xxxxxxxx

Self torture result

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Today I am exhausted and very sore, my stomach muscles are aching so badly that there is no comfortable position for me to be in, it’s like I’ve done about a thousand sit ups. I’m also incredibly freaked out by something that happened last night but I’ll come back to that.

When I got home from work I got a bit of food and then went out to the shed and cleared some space amongst the gardening stuff so that there was room for me and space to run rope to the restraint points that I put in there ages ago. Then I took some gardening gloves and walked to a nearby alley which usually has nettles in it, I collected some in a bag and took them back and laid them on the floor of the shed. I then ran an extension cable form the house into the shed for the TENS unit.

Back in the house I went a took a shower, then dried myself and my hair enjoying being able to roam around the house naked while my sister was out. I put on a little makeup so I looked presentable and then prepared the enema.

I had thought about using very cold water for the enema but decided that this was going to be bad enough anyway so went with lukewarm water filling the two litre enema bag all the way up with it then attached the tube and nozzle and hung it up ready.

The next part was quite difficult, I took a piece of red rope and tied a knot in the end, then placed the knot on the back of my head and started to plait my hair and the rope together finally tying it off tightly with a couple of hair ties. Once my hair was all done with a piece of rope dangling from it I opened two condoms and placed them over my locking plug before smearing some vaseline around the neck of the plug when my hole would close around it.

I had purchased some new pads for my TENS unit and I peeled off the coating and placed two at the top and two at the bottom of my abdomen so the shocks would shoot through my muscles causing them to tense each time.

Finally I strapped my leather cuffs around my ankles and wrists and put a few things I would need in a small bag then knelt on the floor and moved to all fours before gently easing the enema nozzle into my ass hole and removing the clamp from the tube.

I quite like the feeling at first, as the liquid begins to flow, its certainly an odd sensation but two litres is quite a lot. It took a few minutes for the majority of the liquid to go into me and then I squeezed the bag and the tube to make sure it was all inside before I removed the nozzle and quickly pushed the plug in ignoring the pain of my ass stretching around it.

lockingplugFor those that have never heard of this locking plug it looks like the pictures to the right, while it is smaller when closed it is still a significant plug and then once the end is pushed down and the “petals” open it feels very large indeed.

Using my thumb I pushed the plunger and felt the plug expand inside me, filling and stretching me painfully and then I fiddled with the padlock until it went through the hole in the plug and I was able to close it and turn the timer eight times, locking the plug and the enema inside myself until morning.

Standing up I looked at myself in the mirror and could see that the liquid had distended my belly quite noticeably although at that point it was only slightly uncomfortable. It occurs to me now that I should have measured myself before and after, maybe next time!

Now that I had everything in place I went downstairs with my bag and, wearing a dressing gown, went into the shed and closed the door. The nettles were already stinging my feet.

I removed the dressing gown and put it in the corner and then took the rope hanging from my hair, passed it through my legs and clit ring and then threaded it through one of the eyes in the ceiling letting it dangle to the floor, then I knelt in the position I would spend the night.

The nettles stung all down my shins and it was particularly painful on the top of my feet so I tried to get my legs in the position they needed to be, feet together and knees spread wide, and then not move them again.

Taking a carabiner from my bag I pulled the rope hanging from the ceiling eyelet and pulled it through until it was taught meaning it came up between my ass cheeks over the plug, between my pussy lips and over my clit, then I tied the carabiner to it about three feet from the ground. I took some more rope from my bag and tied a piece around each knee and then tied them tightly to eyelets on each wall of the shed so that I couldn’t close my legs even  a centimetre.

With my legs bound in position I took a ball gag from my bag, coated it in tabasco sauce and then inserted it and buckled it behind my head, the tabasco already starting to burn in my mouth and on my lips. I attached weighted clamps to both nipples and both of my pussy lips as well, the weights weren’t very heavy but were enough to cause a little pain immediately and a lot after eight hours.

In my shed there are four bricks, the type with three holes through them which I’ve chained together to use as a weight for self bondage, I’ve used it many times for various different things and it was going to be part of this scenario too. I lifted it up, which was a struggle, and managed to hook the chain on it through the carabiner and then slowly lower it as I sat back into position.

Once the bricks were hanging free from the rope they pulled my head back via the rope attached to my hair which also pulled tightly between my legs forcing the plug in deep and the rope to move between might pussy lips and agonisingly over my exposed clit. Now moving my head up would cause the rope to drag over my sensitive pussy and clit painfully.

I plugged the leads from the TENS unit into the pads on my stomach and then plugged it in and set it to pulse for ten minutes then stop for twenty and repeat. Finally I put on a blindfold and then used the other timer lock to fasten my ankles and wrists together and turned the dial six times.

All this preparation probably took longer to write about than actually do which only took about ten minutes and by that time the cramps from the enema had started and I felt like my body was ready to get rid of all this liquid inside me.

When the TENS kicked in for the first time it made things so much worse! I was sat there breathing through my nose, managing the pain and starting to think I need to move my neck when it sent a pulse through my stomach muscles causing them to tense and a massive cramping pain to start inside me. If you’ve ever used a TENS machine for toning your stomach etc you’ll know that its a very uncomfortable feeling and the small electric shocks mess with your muscles and there’s nothing you can do about it. Imagine that whilst you whole stomach area is bloated with water and already cramping all over the place.

Bizarrely once the TENS went on it’s break I actually felt kind of relaxed, kind of, I managed to get used to the stomach pains enough to manage them and the only problem was my neck would get sore being bent back and I’d have to move it and the rope rubbing on my clit really hurt so I had to move it really slowly. Then the TENS kicked back in and it was agony again and all I wanted do was to bend forward and curl up but I could hardly move at all, by now I was regretting the TENS unit addition.

The pains from the clamps on my nipples and pussy had become a dull ache by this point, when I keep clamps on for a long time it goes through stages, they hurt at first and then it calms down as I get used to it and then it goes through a stage that I hate where it kind of goes numb but in a painful way, I don’t know how else to describe it. Then it moves on to a dull ache which is painful but bearable.

crotch-ropeIt continued like that for a few hours except after each TENS session it took longer and was harder to get myself “stable” again because the cramps even without it were pretty bad by then plus my arms and legs were aching from being stuck in the same position and my clit was getting raw from the rope rubbing on it so much, every movement of my head was really painful between my legs. When the TENS activated all of that went away and all I could think about was the pain in my abdomen.

I started at about 10pm and I think it was a little after 1am when I heard something outside the shed and then quickly realised it was a someone. I immediately thought it must be my sister who’d come home rather than stay out and lots of things started shooting through my head about what I could say to explain but realistically my predicament would be somewhat difficult to justify to her.

The door opened and someone walked in and then….nothing, silence. I said my sisters name and then “who’s there” but neither was probably understandable through my gag. It occurred to me I must look a horrendous mess, drool running from the sides of my mouth, my nipples and pussy lips hanging lewdly from the weights, glistening wet pussy completely exposed.

I felt the persons breath on my face just before their lips made contact with my cheek which made me jump back and the rope to rag over my clit and pussy agonisingly. The person had kissed me on the cheek but not on the side like you would a friend, they kissed me just below my eye right on my cheek bone.

I jumped again as they touched my chest and then I realised they were writing on me with something, I didn’t know what to do so I just let them and they scrawled right across the top of my tits. When they stopped I tried to ask “who is it” again but all I got as a response was the sound of the door shutting.

Freaking out would be an understatement! I frantically tried to get out of my cuffs causing more nettle stings and pussy pain but there was no way to get free, I’d done too good a job on myself, I resigned myself to seeing out the timers before I could see what was written and hopefully find out who it was.

Over the next three hours all sorts of options went through my head in between the TENS sessions which brought all of my consciousness to the pain and I couldn’t concentrate on wondering who had seen me and what the potential consequences of it could be.

The last hour and a half was horrendous, the cramping was insane constantly even without the TENS and when it did start up it was almost unbearable and I was crying when the timer released the lock on my hands. I quickly untangled my wrists and gently moved my arms for the first time in eight hours, when my arms could move easier I ripped off the blindfold. Removing the clamps was seriously painful but the worst was when I lifted the bricks and took the pressure off the rope digging into my pussy and clit.

I could see the writing on me was a number but couldn’t read it properly, I peeled off the TENS pads and then got my dressing gown on and slowly went back to the house and up to my room grabbing my phone and taking a picture of the number written in dark red lipstick across my tits. That’s all it was, a mobile phone number, I checked in my phone and it isn’t a number I know either.

I looked at myself in the mirror as I undid my hair, my shins and feet were all red from nettle stings and my clit was red and swollen and a red groove ran through my pussy where the rope had been dug in. My nipples and pussy lips had deep marks where the clamps had pinched them so long and there, on my cheek was a dark red lip print which I also took a picture of.

Whilst I was stood in front of the mirror the lock on my plug clicked open and I spent the next forty five minutes expelling the enema into the toilet which was equally painful and satisfying!

I took a shower and then tried to get some sleep as I had to work a few hours later but struggled as I was equally curious and worried about who had come and seen me. Eventually I managed to get to sleep after gently massaging my swollen clit to orgasm.

I’ve considered deleting my entire online presence today in case it is some stalker who has found my real identity and have subtly asked everyone I can think of (except Kayleigh) and no one is admitting to it. Just now I tried calling the number but there was no answer, I’m at a loss, I hope I find out soon because it’s all I can think about and I’m away this whole weekend with my sister.

Blind date (part 2)

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My sincere apologies that I didn’t managed to finished writing about this before I went away, there were a few pre-holiday complications and I ended up spending most of the day on the phone rather than writing about this which would have been much more interesting!

My holiday was fabulous, a really fun and interesting trip and just the break I needed, I feel much calmer and happier for it. The following is a continuation of this post


This was definitely a first, I’ve never cum whilst being submerged in water before and it was amazing and scary all at once. At first the wave of pleasure rolled over me just as it always does, starting in my pussy and my head simultaneously and radiating through my body right to the tips of my fingers and toes as I moan. Only this time when I moaned my mouth filled with cold water and the warm pleasure of my orgasm mixed with panic as I began to thrash and try to get my head out of the water in vain.

He kept my head held firmly under the water though and all pleasure from my orgasm evaporated as my lungs began to burn and I realised I couldn’t stop myself from drowning. As I realised this there was a sharp pain in my head as he dragged me up out of the water by my pony tail and I gasped in air trying to refill my lungs. As I started to come round a little from my panic I noticed the tingling after glow from the previous pleasure and began to be reminded of the pain of the clamps on my nipples and from being held up only by my hair.

I barely had time to acknowledge these thoughts though before he plunged me back under the water. I didn’t have a burgeoning orgasm to distract me this time but I was oddly calmer. I think I realised he wasn’t going to drown me the second time and I just went with it, holding my breathe as long as I could and then letting it out slowly until my lungs were empty and I started to feel lightheaded again, then I started to panic again and despite resolving not to I thrashed to try and get my head above the water again.

People say that drowning is a very relaxing way to die and that you just drift off, that is not my impression after experiencing the early stages of it. There was no relaxing, once I felt like I was drowning my body just took over trying to save itself and the only thing that mattered was air, relaxed I was not!

There were two more faux drownings after that, leaving me in longer each time and giving me less time to recover between each submersion. By the time he lifted me out of the water and dumped me on the floor I was a wreck, shaking from the cold and the adrenaline gasping in air as fast as I could. Whilst I was still on the floor recovering he released my leg cuffs but reattached the padlock to my wrist cuffs, my legs fell to the floor aching but I was still concentrating on breathing when he pushed his cock deep into my pussy.

He was huge, I’ve been with plenty of guys with various sized cocks but I think this is the biggest I’ve every had. He knelt either side of my splayed legs and lifted my hips, then I briefly felt his tip rub over my clit before he parted my lips and plunged into me. The water helped but I think I was also pretty wet and he wasn’t gentle, his cock rammed up into me and I felt the uncomfortable sensation of him pushing into my cervix just before he pulled back and rammed into me again.

There was no messing around, he obviously enjoyed drowning me a lot because he was rock hard and really fucking me hard with no interest in waiting for me to join in. He didn’t last long, I must have felt really tight on him considering how big he felt to me and about a minute later he rammed into me and I felt his warm cum filling me just before he vacated my cunt and dropped my hips to the floor. He must have barely cum before pulling out of me because I felt his seed run down my pussy as he exited and felt it drip onto my ass and back as he stepped over me.

I lay there for a few minutes, happy for the time to recover a little composure but very horny as I had been close to orgasm when he finished leaving me empty and wanting. When he returned he pulled me up by my hair again but this time I was able to clamber to my feet with my legs freed, he grabbed the chain still attached to my nipple and pulled me along but I screamed as he ripped the clamps straight off my nipples and I felt the exquisite agony of the blood rushing back into them, almost immediately he was in front of me grabbing my nipples and digging his nails into them while I squirmed and gritted my teeth, all the while my pussy getting hotter and wetter.

Not being able to see is very disorienting, I had no idea where I was in the room and every time he moved me I thought I was about to crash into something. As he dragged me over to the bed I could feel his cum dripping out of me and then I fell over his foot and thought I was going face first into the floor but instead landed with my upper body on the bed and my knees on the floor.

I meant to mention at the start but forgot, the bed was an ancient metal framed thing which was once gold coloured but all of gold coating had worn away so it was now mostly grey metal. The mattress was far from comfortable and the sheets looked like they had been washed a few million times. The most positive thing to say about it was that the metal headboard had plenty of roping points.

He had apparently already tied a rope to the headboard because I felt it fall on my back as he threaded it through the padlock holding my wrists together, then he pulled it and my arms were pulled up away from my back and towards the head of the bed into a very awkward and painful position and then he tied off the rope. It was a very clever way to tie me, any movement caused a lot of pain in my arms and shoulders so he’d effectively immobilised me with one rope.

Now that I couldn’t move I jumped when I felt the metal scissors on my back but he was just butting the waistband of my thong so he could pull the ruined garment away, then he used them to wipe away the mess that was dripping from my pussy. There was a moment of nothing and then he told me to open my mouth and predictably the cummy underwear went in before he pushed my chin up and tape was securely sealed my lips. It was a few seconds before I tasted whatever he had smeared on the material, it was a horrendous taste and I tried to push the thong out with my tongue but the tape was strong and I couldn’t part my lips, I could hear him laughing as I moaned trying to get him to remove it before I was sick but he didn’t and I managed to hold it back.

I felt him kneel beside me just before I felt his hands on me, running up my thighs and spreading my legs, his fingers pushing into my pussy and then into my ass as well before withdrawing so he could run his hands up my back and under me to cup and massage my breasts. It’s weird considering he had just fucked me but this was by far the most invasive thing he had done to me so far, his hands probed every part of my body and it felt very personal and intimate in a way that made me feel very violated, then it got worse.

His hair tickled my inner thighs and then his nose gently brushed my lips before his tongue parted them and ran over my clit, dipped into my hole and then over my perineum to my asshole. He ran his tongue around my rear hole for a good couple of minutes before he began to work it into me.

I’ve always considered analingus (or rimming) to be a submissive act but he really managed to turn those tables. With the position I was in, being bound, blindfolded and exposed and with him being a complete stranger to me, the fact he had his tongue pushed deep into my most personal area felt very violating and degrading, it was like he was saying “I will do whatever I want with your body and there is nothing you can do about it”.

As he continued to tongue my ass he slid two fingers into my pussy and to my shame I was dripping wet, he easily slid a third finger in and began fucking my pussy with his hand, building me up again until I biting down on the foul tasting material in my mouth as I came with his tongue in my ass and hand stretching my cunt.

Whilst he was off doing something and I recovered from my orgasm I found I had to swallow an excess of saliva that was being generated in my gagged mouth, and that whatever was on the gag had given my spit the same vile taste as the thong and I struggled not to gag as I swallowed it.

I screamed more from surprise than pain as something hit my ass with serious force, the gag prevented much noise from escaping though even when the second blow landed and my brain started to catch on to the sensation coming from my ass. I think it was a cane based on the marks I had the next day, he was relentless with it whatever it was and rained down blows all over my ass which was raw and burning almost immediately. He kept on hitting me over and over again for a long time, no asking me to count, no requests of me, just a sustained beating of my ass that had tears soaking the inside of my eye patches. Amazingly I would find out the next day that the skin was never broken although my ass was a mess and sitting is still a little uncomfortable a week and half later.

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When he finally stopped I could hear him panting from the exertion, it must have been quite tiring swinging the cane for such a long period of time, I know it was exhausting to be on the other end of it. I think he sat down for a bit in the chair opposite the bed, it felt like he was staring at me and it made me feel exposed and vulnerable.

If that is what he was doing he obviously liked what he saw because a few minutes later his hard cock pushed between my ass cheeks and found my tight little hole. I think he must have lubed himself because he managed to get the head into me with relative ease and then he just put all his weight behind pushing the rest of himself inside me.

Like I said before he has a large cock and my ass is fairly tight but that didn’t stop his burying it in me until his balls rested against my pussy. I felt like my ass would rip, I’ve never felt so full in my ass before and it was equal parts amazing and agonising, if you’ve never had anything up your ass then it’s hard to describe but it is certainly a unique feeling to be so deeply and fully fucked in there.

He held himself fully inserted for a minute and then began to thrust, I thought he might be more gentle this time but that clearly wasn’t his thing, he began the same rhythm of hard deep thrusts that he had used on my pussy and I moaned into the gag whilst he truly did violate me ass until he came in me for the second time. Just like before he painfully pulled his cock out of me as soon as he came leaving me empty and wanting.

Once again I was left alone for a few minutes and then I felt him tying rope around my leg, just above my knee, then the same on the other leg and then my legs were pulled apart by the rope as he pulled them around the legs of the bed and tied them off. This caused me knees to be spread wider meaning making for a more uncomfortable position but also made me lower down which put more pressure on my arms. He then reach between my legs and I could feel a slight tugging on my large clit ring then it was pulled hard away from me which was so agonisingly painful I can’t describe it. I shouted into the gag and shook my head but he removed his arms and I realised he tied my clit ring to the bed with it pulled in a horrendous way.

I stopped screaming at him when I heard the door shut and then heard only silence.

I assumed he wouldn’t be gone long but after what I guessed was twenty minutes I wasn’t so sure, I found that if I slid my body a little downwards I could relieve some of the pull on my clit which was a lot more bearable. The problem was it put extra pressure on my arms and shoulders but it was worth it to relieve it on my poor little clit.

It seemed like he was gone for hours but in fact I think it was about one hour, the door opened and I turned my head even though I couldn’t actually look at him, I did hear what I thought was a carrier bag though.

His hands were on me again then, groping all over my body in the possessive way that he had done before, probing my wet used holes, he scooped some cum out of my ass with his finger and wiped it on the tape just below my nose so I was treated to the mixed scent of ass and cum then he came close to my ear.

He said “I’m tired now cunt. I’m going to get into this bed and sleep for a while and if you wake me up you will really regret it.” I nodded resigning myself to staying in this painful position for the next few hours and then I felt his hands on me again.

He placed a hand on each of my ass cheeks and I felt they were wet, he ran them all over my ass then down between my cheeks and pushed a finger into my rear hole. The burning started about that time, I’ve no idea what he put on my but it stung horrendously on my caned ass and ass he ran his hands over more places the burning spread to them. He continued from my asshole down between my pussy lips coating my pussy inside and out with the substance until both my pussy and ass were on fire. The last thing he did was to run a finger over my outstretched exposed clit.

I vaguely remember the bed moving as he climbed onto it and definitely heard him laughing as I writhed below his feet.My tearful eyes were wide open behind the patches as I tried not to scream into the gag, I didn’t want to keep him awake and incur a worse fate but it was incredibly difficult when my most sensitive parts burned so severely that I genuinely feared that damage was being done.

The next hour was horrendous, the burning was intense and the position painful and uncomfortable. Any attempt to change position just made it worse for one part of me or another and I ended up retreating to how I was before.

The burning eventually began to fade but the strains on my body continued for the rest of the night and by the time I heard him begin to stir my limbs were painfully numb (if that makes any sense at all) and I was covered in a layer of sweat. He made no effort to talk to me as he climbed out of bed and came round to me.

He undid my clit ring first, then each of my legs and then my arms, when he did those I basically just collapsed to the floor and listened to him chuckling. He ripped off the tape and I spat out the ruined thong and achingly moved my jaw around. It was hard to move my arms and pain shot through them as I forced them back to a normal position eventually getting my body into a foetal position where I stayed until he pulled me up by my pony tail.

My hair was pulled tightly as he led me into the bathroom and into the bath on my knees, I thought he would make me swallow his piss but instead he just let it go in my face and let his dark yellow morning pee run all over my head and hair.

When he was done he pulled out back out of the bath by my hair and walked me into the bedroom again, he padlocked my wrists behind me again and then walked me a bit further. He pinched my left nipple and then a very tight clamp was placed on and I bit my lip to avoid making a noise, then the same on my other nipple. The clamps were the metal teeth of an old wooden coat hanger with clamps to hang trousers from and he let it hang from my nipples twisting them harshly. Then he pulled me forward and then yanked it upward, making me catch my breath, and then obviously hung it from the rail.

I didn’t need to go on tip toes but at the same time I couldn’t stand flat without pulling on my already tightly crushed nipples so I sort of hovered in between whilst he went to the toilet and had a shower before messing around in the room packing his things.

Finally he came and unhooked the hanger and led me by a few steps before forcing me to my knees and pushing his cock into my mouth. I sucked him like a good slut despite the lack of the use of my hands, he filled my mouth and pushed into my throat sometimes but he didn’t cum in the last of my holes. Instead he pulled me over to the bad and laid on it pulling me by the hanger until I straddled him and then guided himself to my pussy before saying “do it slowly and enjoy it”.

I nodded and gently slid down onto him, his thick cock filling me deliciously as I pushed down until my clit ring lay on him. It was tough on my legs without the use of my arms but I slowly fucked him and to be honest it felt amazing, I kept it slow and steady for a good ten minutes until his hands on my hips told me to speed up and then he quickly came inside me again. I’d kept them quiet but I’d already come a couple of times from the fullness and grinding myself into him on the downward thrusts.

When he came he grabbed the hanged and yanked it, I think he intended to rip it off but the clamps were too tight and I ended up just falling on him. He left me there for a minutes and then rolled me off him and led me, again by the hanger, into the bathroom. He knelt me down on the floor and then used my pony tail to bend me over pushing my head down until I realised he was pushing my head into the toilet and the smell told me immediately it hadn’t been flushed.

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I heard him cough up phlegm and then spit and felt it go in my hair, then he closed the seat as best he could with my head in it and then I heard the sound of tape as he wrapped it around me and the seat. He unlocked the padlock on my cuffs and then the last thing I heard was the door to the room opening and closing.

Even with my arms free it took me about twenty minutes to get the tape off and free myself from the toilet. When I had I flushed it and then sat back on the floor and undid all four of my cuffs before eventually dragging myself off the floor and heading for the bed, I was so tired.

I climbed into bed but then had to jump out again, he’d scattered a load of drawing pins (thumbs tacks) under the covers and several were now stuck in my thigh, I brushed them off and brushed them out of the bed and climbed in. I peeled the patches off my eyes and blinked as even the low light seemed bright, then closed my eyes and went to sleep.

I woke up a couple of hours later when I rolled over and drawing pin stuck into my stomach. I got up, showered and tidied the room before I left and headed home.

 

Blind date

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First of all a small update on the Kayleigh situation, we met up on Tuesday night as I am away for a few days from Thursday. It was like a pleasant catch up for the first half hour then she suggested we get food so we got a table and ordered. Then she said “so you love me?” at which point I got a little flustered and struggled to keep eye contact with her like I had been doing before.

I managed to explain how I felt to her and she was really nice about it, she apologised for how she has made me feel and seemed genuine when she said she didn’t know I still felt that way when she was messing with me. She said that she is with someone but that she would like to be friends but only if I wanted that too and could accept that it wouldn’t be anything more, at least not at the moment. I said I’d think about it while I was away so that’s what I’ll do.

So Saturday, I was really nervous as I drove up to the hotel. I say hotel but it’s really an old pub with about ten rooms attached to it and it is really run down. The “reception” is the bar in the pub and they basically just take payment and give you a key, an actual key not a key card!

Once I’d got the key, along with HUGE wooden keyring that you could probably kill someone with, I headed to the room which was extremely chintzy (British version) and old fashioned, it had quite a musty smell as well but on the plus side it was extremely cheap!

I took the cameras and toys I had been told to bring out of the bag and put them on the bed along with my “outfit” and got undressed then stashed by bag safely in the wardrobe with my phone and clothes in it.

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I’d already had a shower and got myself ready at home with a bit of make-up and my hair tied back in a tight pony tail and was wearing a black thong, garter belt and some thigh high stockings that I had bought for the occasion. On the excellent advice of a friend I was went with lingerie over being naked but bought some cheap stuff rather than risking my expensive Victoria’s Secret stuff getting ruined by whoever was going to be joining me in the dingy room, it still looked good though even if I do say so myself.

Luke had provided two cameras which would record the whole thing for him, which is part of the deal I made with him for arranging all of these fantasy scenarios, the agreement is that he gets videos and pictures but purely for his personal use. I placed one camera on the bedside table facing the bed and then one at the other side of the room as I had been told to and started them both recording very conscious that I was now being filmed virtually naked.

I sat on the bed and strapped my black leather cuffs around my ankles and then wrists and then laid the toys out neatly on the desk including the key to a padlock, then as it was nearly time I knelt on the floor with my feet together and my knees apart and threaded the padlock through the rings on both ankle cuffs. To make sure I definitely wouldn’t see the person who was going to be playing with me I had purchased some adhesive eye patches so I peeled those off and, looking in the mirror, placed them over my eyes and over them put on the eye mask style velvet blindfold I had brought. Finally, with much more difficulty than I had anticipated, threaded the rings from the cuffs onto the padlock and clicked it shut. In the process I really hurt my shoulder so was in pain before it even started!

Due to the way I had bound myself I was forced to lean back on my arms resting my hands on my ankles and with my knees spread wide I’m sure I looked very much like I was presenting myself. I was already getting horny from the anticipation and my nipples were hard, standing out from my breasts that were already being pushed out by my position.

With my sight entirely removed I was very conscious of every sound and a few loud bangs made me jump and then giggle knowing it would look very silly on the video, I was very on edge! Eventually I heard the door open, close and then the key turn in the lock.

My heart was beating pretty fast as I waited, I could hear the person moving around me and I could feel their eyes on me in my extremely exposed position, then I felt the air move very close to my face, they were testing my blindfold which was absolutely effective and it made me feel very nervous, like I was going to get punched in the face and I wondered if I should have stipulated no punching, it’s really not my thing.

No punches came though and instead I heard them move behind me and then two hands cupped my breasts and I knew immediately that it was a man whose hands now squeezed my breasts and pinched my already erect nipples, hard, hard enough to eventually make me gasp and bite my lip.

He left one hand crushing my left nipple whilst the other travelled down between my spread legs to feel the already damp underwear covering my pussy, he ran his finger over my clit and then traced the outline of my clit ring a few times. His hand them left my pussy and return to my breasts a second later to attach a clamp to the nipple he had been pinching and then another to my right nipple.

They were the set of nipple and clit clover clamps that I’d left out but rather than putting the remaining clamp on it’s designated spot he pulled it from behind me and continued to pull it until I realised he was leading me somewhere. He didn’t say a word, just kept pulling on the chain whilst I awkwardly started to walk on my knees feeling like I looked utterly ridiculous.

It took ten minutes to reach our destination, he very patiently kept the chain taut and my nipples crushed as I made my way to where he wanted me, which as it turned out was the bathroom (I laddered my stockings on the door plate so I’m glad I didn’t wear my expensive stuff!). I knelt in the bathroom for a minute, just waiting, my pussy was warm and wet and my heart was beating fast, I yelped as he picked me up from behind with remarkable ease placing one hand round my chest and one between my legs and then he put me down on my front in the bath with my arms and legs bent behind me in so I was in a transitional hog-tie position although a very tight and uncomfortable one as my ankles and wrists were held very close together.

He hadn’t removed the clamps so my tits were crushed into them because I couldn’t hold myself up in any way. He tried a few times to pull and rip my thong but apparently Ann Summers used some strong lace because they were just pulled roughly between my lips and didn’t give. He disappeared for a moment then returned and I felt metal against my pussy and then the crotch of my thong disappeared (doubly glad I didn’t wear my expensive stuff!) and my ring fell to the floor of the bath sending a jolt through me. I heard the buzz of the vibe just before it touched my ring and sent amazing feelings through my pussy.

Whoever this person was Luke had obviously told them how to push my buttons, he placed the vibe through the ring and pushed it just a little into my pussy leaving the ring resting on top of it which had the effect of causing vibrations in the entrance to my hole as well as intense clitoral stimulation and it didn’t take long before I was close to orgasm, then he turned on the tap.

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The freezing cold water poured into the bath by my head, splashing my face and very quickly covering my nipples and working its way up to my pussy…and face. I’m not really a fan of breath play, it’s not something I’ve ever been interested in trying but at this point I didn’t have a choice. I lifted my head as the water rose to keep my mouth and nose out of it but at the same time he turned the vibrator up to a higher setting and despite the situation and the cold water it was having the inevitable effect on my body.

I don’t remember ever being in a situation quite like that before, where I’m panicking and on the verge of cumming at the same time. I was pushing my head back as far as I could when the water reached my lips and then I heard him speak for the first time, he said “deep breath” and I had just enough time to follow the order before his hand came down on the back of my head and forced me under the cold water whilst his other hand pressed the vibe directly against my clit which pushed me over the edge.

This was definitely a first, I’ve never cum whilst being submerged in water before and it was amazing and scary all at once.

This write up is continued here


I’m very sorry, I wanted to get this whole thing written before I went away but there was a snafu with my holiday money and I’m really stressed out and I just don’t have time to finish it so I’m going to leave it there and pick up where I left off in my next post next week, something to look forward to anyway!

Blowing a stranger

In my last post, only yesterday, I mentioned that I had some things going on that you might be interested in reading about and as one of them is fresh in my mind I thought I would write about it.

As some of you know, among my wide and varied kinks is a love of being used sexually by complete strangers especially when I am never going to meet that person again and I have also developed a fetish for doing “dirty” things, by which I mean things that I find truly disgusting but am inexplicably turned on by doing. (In actual fact it’s not inexplicable I just don’t feel a need to explain it here and now!).

So, bearing the above in mind, I’ve had this recurring ideal (fantasy I guess) about approaching a homeless guy and offering to perform a sex act on him. For me it would be deeply humiliating and disgusting to suck a dirty homeless stranger’s cock and swallow his cum and for him, well, I’m told I give pretty good head.

Just to clarify, the reason for it being a homeless person is not because I believe people who are homeless are in any way “lesser” than myself, it is simply that they are guaranteed to be a stranger (I don’t know anyone who is homeless, yet) and they are likely to be less clean than your average guy which appeals also.

My problem with bringing this fantasy to reality has always been concerns over my safety, he could be a crazy homeless person, those exist and he may try and hurt me or take things further than I want to. Although the latter is another fantasy of mine it is one that I don’t think you could ever safely fulfil.

I was talking with someone about this fantasy online the other day and they suggested a way to make it a little more viable. Basically the plan was to find someone and approach them with a cup of coffee (or other tasty beverage!) and sit and talk to them a little, assuming they don’t seem like a psychopath I would then steer the conversation onto my kinks and eventually make my proposal. The suggestion was made that I also offer them money, this is less as an incentive for them (although I’m sure it would be) and more as an additional humiliation for me, I would actually be paying to degrade myself in this way.

I already had someone in mind that I know sleeps in an alley behind a restaurant on the other side of the town to where I work, it’s somewhere I pass by often enough to know he resides there but not somewhere I have ever been with friends or colleagues so it’s unlikely I would be recognised there in the unlikely even that we were caught in the act.

After the conversation I was horny enough, and had built up enough confidence to put the plan into action so after work I went to a coffee shop and hung around for an hour or so until all the work crowd had headed home then I bought a couple of coffees to go and headed to where I thought I would find my “candidate”.

The man I had in mind had been homeless for at least a year that I knew of, or at least that’s how long I’ve been seeing him around. He looked to be in his mid forties, had brown hair and beard both of which were usually matted and he usually wore dirty clothes and a long coat, he usually has some form of strong alcoholic drink with him. He is who I’d dreamt about before when I’d pleasure myself to the fantasy of being forced to pleasure a “tramp”.

I looked for him first down the alley where I’d seen him sleeping a few times but he wasn’t there so I looked down the surrounding streets and eventually wondered into a small park that is nearby. The man was sitting on a bench not far into the park with a beer can in his hand.

I nervously walked up and sat down next to him, he said nothing so eventually I plucked up the courage and said “here, I got you this” and held out the coffee. He turned and looked at me blankly for a second and then smiled and said “thank you” before putting the can down on the floor and taking the coffee from me, his fingers felt greasy when they touched mine around the cup.

We both took a sip from our drinks, I was hoping he would start talking but when he didn’t I pushed on, told him my name and ask his. He told me and then I just started talking, about the weather obviously, what else do you talk to strangers about?! He started to loosen up and join the conversation, I told him I hoped he like the coffee and that I didn’t know what he liked so just got the same as me, a vanilla skinny latte, he joked that he didn’t really need to watch his weight.He didn’t question WHY had bought him a coffee and come to speak to him but I’m sure he must have been wondering.

He didn’t have to wonder too long though because I was just about getting to a point where I was ready to reveal my proposal to him. My heart was pounding really fast and my pussy was wet as I started by telling him that I was “a bit kinky” and that I liked to do somewhat unusual things that turn me on. I asked him if he knew about BDSM and he said he knew a bit but had never done anything BDSM related.

I was blushing crazily (for those that don’t know I’m a terrible blusher!) as I was telling him this and even more so when I started to tell him that I have this fantasy of paying a complete stranger to allow me to pleasure them sexually and that I would enjoy them humiliating me by peeing in my mouth as well. I don’t know what he was thinking when I was saying all of this, he didn’t speak and just had a sort of knowing smile on his face.

Eventually, after rambling for some time I got to the point, I told him that I wanted to give him £100 and that in return I wanted him to let me give him a blow job and swallow his cum, then I wanted him to piss into my mouth and on my face, then I would leave. He took it almost in his stride, he was smiling and responded with “are you serious”.

I told him I was and we talked a little about the detail of what I wanted him to do, he asked me if I was police and I assured him I wasn’t and that it was just something I’d always wanted to do and it was really win-win for him. He eventually agreed but said that he couldn’t do it that night as he had somewhere to be and that if he was going to do it he’d want the cash in advance. I agreed to those terms and we arrange to meet at the same time the next day in the alleyway where he usually sleeps.

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I was pretty nervous about the whole thing the next day, I’d dressed for work in some pale Victoria’s Secret underwear, black tights, white blouse and a grey skirt suit and I was wearing some black heels.

Work went by uneventfully and then I head back to the coffee shop to wait for the allotted time, stopping at a cash machine on the way to collect his payment. I seriously considered chickening out while I waited and then it occurred to me that my car was parked quite a walk away and if I went through with it I’d have to walk all the way through town covered in pee! I decided to go and get my car and park it near to the alleyway and once I’d done that I was out of time to worry about whether I would go through with it or not.

I was half expecting to find the alley empty and at first I thought I’d been right to think that but as I went further down I found him around the side of the large bins used by the restaurant that backed onto the alley. I’m not entirely sure why he chose to sleep there because there was split bin bags on the floor with food coming out of them and the bins stunk of rotting food and rubbish. Anyway he was sat on a bunch of blankets, what I assume was his bed, and looked up as I approach and smiled.

“I thought you were full of shit” he said and I blushed and responded “nope” as he got up and stood in front of me. He was wearing the same clothes as I always saw him in, grubby jeans that were originally blue but were now mostly grey, a black t-shirt with a very faded band logo on the front (no idea which band) and a unzipped hoodie which was originally light grey I think, he also wore some trainers with no laces. He said “Do you have the money?”.

I’d left my bag in the car and had the cash rolled up in my hot little hand, I handed it to him and he took it and counted it while I stood there waiting, blushing. Once he was satisfied he pushed the money into his pocket, at this point I half expected him to tell me to leave, I mean what could I have done? Instead he leant back into the corner between the wall and the big bin and gestured for me to start.

I don’t know what I had expected, I think I thought he would get it out or push me to my knees or initiate it in some way, I guess I’m just used to doing things like this with naturally dominant people who take control from the start, I was certainly feeling pretty submissive and my pussy was already soaking the lace of my expensive underwear.

I took a quick look around to make sure no one was there and then I knelt on the floor and reached up to unbutton his grubby jeans. He made no effort to help or hinder me, he simply placed his hands on the wall and bin and watched me as unfastened the button and pulled the zip down. He wasn’t wearing underwear and there was an immediate smell of…well I don’t know how to describe it, it was just a dirty unwashed smell. I reached in and pulled out his semi erect cock which wasn’t huge but wasn’t small either, it was clearly unclean though.

Gripping my hand around the base of it I opened my mouth and took the whole thing in, closing my lips and sucking as I pulled my lips along his length until only the head was still in my mouth and then I ran my tongue over the head in circles before plunging it deep into my mouth again.

I was so horny now and my pussy was dripping wet, so was he evidently as my attentions caused his cock to grow fully erect and I reached into his filthy jeans and cupped his balls as my other hand ran up and down his shaft and I sucked on the head. He lasted about two minutes before I felt him begin to twitch and I made sure my lips were tight around him as he came in my mouth.

There was a lot of it and I couldn’t help but let some spill out of the sides of my mouth and run down my chin before dripping onto my clothes. When I thought he was done I closed my lips as I pulled his cock out of my mouth and then looked up at him but he wasn’t looking, his head was back and his eyes closed. I swallowed the mouthful of cum and then took his cock in again and made sure I’d left it clean, a lot cleaner than it had been before! Then I used my fingers to push the cum on my chin into my mouth as well.

I knelt in front of him for a good minutes, my hands on my thighs desperate to touch myself but not wanting to do it there. Eventually he spoke, “and now you want me to pee on you?” he asked quizzically, I blushed and nodded. His cock was still out but going soft now, he said “Go between the bins, I don’t want it on my stuff” so I got up off my knees and moved into the small gap between the bins, there was a lot of gross food stuff on the floor so I sort of squatted there but he said “no, put your ass on the floor” so I reluctantly let my ass fall to the floor into the mess and sat there with my legs spread in front of him, I could feel the wetness of the food mess soaking through my skirt, tights and underwear.

I was blushing crimson as I looked at him and opened my mouth ready for him to pee into, he didn’t though. He took his cock in his hand and as he started to pee he aimed it at the top of my head and then moved the stream down my face and my chest and then ended it peeing directly onto my pussy, which actually felt quite good!

When he was finished I was soaked all down my front, my hair, my blouse, my skirt, it was everywhere. I looked up at him and wiped my eyes, I was expecting to see glee in his face but he just looked confused, then he put himself away and disappeared from my view.

I took a moment to compose myself and then stood up and tried to wipe any food waste off my ass. When I walked past him he was curled up in his blankets so I just said “thanks” and carried on walking, out of the alley and to my car. I’d put towels over my seat (always thinking ahead!) so I got in my car, took a breath and then set off. I wanted to get away from there but I was so horny so I only drove for a minute and then parked at the deserted back of a store car park.

Pulled my filthy skirt up around my waist I spread my legs and rubbed myself through my tights and wet knickers until very quickly I was cumming.

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I hope you enjoyed reading about this, it is something I’ve wanted to try for such a long time and really scratched an itch I’ve been having recently. I know it’s fucked up but so am I!

Please feel free to comment, I always try and reply and really enjoy reading what people have to say x

A trial

As usual it’s been a while since I’ve written here but some things have gone on in the mean time. I travelled for work for a while and when I got back I felt like I was missing something in my life, I felt lonely.

I decided to seek an online D/s relationship and ended up entering into a two week trial with someone I’ve known online for some time. Whilst I enjoyed the time it did end up being too much for me purely because I was so busy with the rest of my life and unable to keep up with everything that was required of me, which was no more than would be required of any sub. I think what I am trying to say is that it was entirely my fault that it didn’t work out.

Anyway, part of the trial involved me completing tasks for him on a weekend and reporting back and as seen as I haven’t written anything on here in a while I thought it would be good to post the report from one of those tasks.

Just a small disclaimer, during my time with him I wasn’t allowed to capitalise any reference to myself so that is why there are so many small i’s! He also insisted I referred to using the bathroom as “going potty” which I hated!


i started the task on Saturday morning by sealing my pussy lips as per your orders. i took some fishing line and threaded a needle on both ends then, starting at the bottom on either side of my hole i pushed a needle through the sensitive flesh and then brought the needles out, crossed them over and pushed them both inwards through my lips a bit further up. i repeated this another four times on each side, i now know this is not the format you wanted them laced in but that but i did my best with the information you provided. i pulled it all tight so that my lips were sealed together and then knotted the fishing line ends and removed the excess line. The “lacing” ended just below my clit piercing, with the piercing being the size and location that it is the ring sits sort of on top of my outer lips which forced my clit to stand out from my lips also, there is no way to close my lips fully with this ring in.

i was doing a lot of moving around on Saturday and was very conscious of the pinching and pulling going on in my pussy whenever I moved too much. Sometimes i’d move and i felt a sharp pain shoot through my pussy that stopped me in my tracks, other times it was just a dull pain that kept me wet all day. By morning my lips were a little swollen and tender and the first movements, which pulled the line through the holes a little was very painful.

It is hard to describe how it feels for someone like me to experience that type of pain, it hurt’s just like it would hurt anyone but i love the pain, it makes me feel good rather than bad and it makes me so wet even though it can bring me to tears at the same time. It’s odd because not all pain is like that for me, breaking my arm wouldn’t give me an instant orgasm for example, it’s difficult to explain!

Anyway, i had various plans over the weekend as you know but planned on starting the task at about 9am on Sunday morning so was up at 8am getting everything ready. I got all the items i needed out of my toy box and placed them on the bed whilst drinking the required litre of liquid ( a combination of coffee, orange juice and water fyi), i laid a plastic sheet on my (carpeted) bedroom floor and then placed the base of the dog cage where I would be standing so that i didn’t make a mess (which didn’t work but more on that later!).

i didn’t bother getting dressed and did all the preparation naked and wearing my leather ankle and wrist cuffs as well as my matching collar, it made me feel good to be dressed as a sub again as it’s a long time since i’ve been dressed this way. Kayleigh used to like to make me wear just stockings, a garter belt and some heels, she called it my slave uniform 🙂

It was almost time to start so got a little lube and ran it around the inside of my asshole and then smeared some of your delightful hot sauce around the base of the locking plug. i was going to put my shoes on and then insert the plug but i thought it best to be precise in my following of your orders so i bent over the bed with my legs slightly spread and placed the plug at the entrance to my hole, i find applying gentle pressure is the best way to insert a plug and in doing so i felt my ass slowly let the plug slide into me. The plug is quite large even when closed so i had to apply more pressure and take the pain as my asshole was stretched and the plug all of a sudden slid into me and allowed my hole to close around the hot sauce coated base.

Next i gingerly sat on the bed and put on my very high heels, they are shoes but they are like boots and lace up over the top of my foot and are ridiculously high, i concentrated on lacing them up despite the burning sensation now becoming quite severe around my anal entrance.

Following the next part of your instructions required a little ingenuity, after attaching one end of the chain to a ceiling hook it was obvious that there was no way i could reach the ceiling to attach the other end with it already between my legs. Fortunately the chain was long so i ran the free end through the other ceiling hook (they are actually eyelets, i think they are from a four poster bed or something?!) and kept hold of the free end leaving the loop hanging low enough that I could stand over it, then i pulled the free end until it was digging into my crotch. i could have made things easy for myself here by giving myself some slack but i’m serious about this and made sure it was tight into my pussy and then took note of where it would need to attach it to the ceiling. Then i got off it, threaded it through my clit ring and attached it at the correct length to the ceiling hook.

With the chain in place hanging in a U (via my pussy ring) from the ceiling i stepped over it (rather inelegantly i might add) and using a small box i had left at one side got myself in position before kicking the box away and standing up with the chain digging into my already sore and stitched pussy lips and pushing the plug deeper into my burning ass.

i reached behind me and managed to open the plug after a few minutes of struggling, opening the plug is a strange sensation, it opens very quickly so you go from having a full feeling to having a seriously stretched, over full feeling in a split second and it’s a bit of a shock! Anyway, i opened the plug and slid the timer lock through the hole, through the chain and pushed it closed before turning the dial eight times (it’s maximum).

With me standing where i was and the chain positioned how it was the plug has constant pressure on it and the chain was digging into and crushing against my sealed pussy lips, however the angle of the chain meant that it was pressing directly against my clit despite the dangling ring pulling it out a little, but… then i took the weight as per my instructions and hung it from my clit ring. i had said to you that i didn’t think the weight would do much because it would be mostly taken by the chain but i wasn wrong, the weight pulled just enough to pin my clit between the part of the ring that goes through my body and the chain and keep pressure on it the whole time. It wasn’t unbearable painful but it definitely hurt and would be like that for a long time.

As per your final bondage instruction i took the other timer lock and put it through the rings on my cuffs and then through the chain at about head height then locked it setting the timer for five hours. That was it, i was locked there, unable to move or escape for the next eight hours and already in significant discomfort.

my pussy, clit and ass were in considerable pain but after an hour it was my legs that were the hardest to take, shortly followed by my arms. my arms weren’t in so much pain as they were just uncomfortable and i couldn’t find a position in which i could keep them for any length of time but my legs i couldn’t move at all, there was no other position to put them in and the only relief i could give them was to bend my knee and lift one every so often and this actually relieved the pressure on the chain somewhat as long as i could keep my balance, several times i swayed and couldn’t get my leg down before i pushed heavily down on the chain with my pussy causing the weight to sway and grind my clit into the chain.

After three hours the burning in my ass had died down and wasn’t bothering me really, and i’d got used to the fullness there as much as you can get used to having your ass stretched on the inside. my pussy was very tender and feeling bruised, imagine when you’ve got a bad bruise and you poke it and keep your finger on it, that’s what it felt like but in my pussy. i’m not sure how to describe how my clit felt other than “raw”, maybe like being nipped but constantly, for hours.

By the time the lock on my cuffs unlocked the “sexual” pain in my pussy and ass paled in comparison to the muscle pain in my legs and arms, even though the lock had clicked open i couldn’t move my arms properly to unhook them from the lock and let them free and when i eventually did free them they were very stiff and it was painful to straighten them. Eventually i massaged my arms back to life and reached down and unclipped the weight, if you’ve never been clamped you won’t understand this but the very worst part of having parts of your body squeezed for a long time is when the squeezing stops, the blood rushes back in and the pain can be exquisitely horrendous.

This wasn’t quite like that but it was a version of it, the pull on my clit was drastically reduced without the weight which allowed me to adjust my position and lift my clit off the chain which was sweet sweet agony 🙂

The final three hours the only thing i struggled to deal with was my legs, my pussy and ass were sore but that was an enjoyable sort of pain, my legs were just really badly aching and by this time the shoes were really hurting my feet. They are very high shoes and it puts a lot of pressure on the balls of your feet when you wear them for a long time.

About an hour before the timer ran down i needed to potty, i closed my eyes and let my stream go which went through the chain and strayed everywhere, all on the end of my bed and across the carpet! Once i was free there was very little to clean with my mouth but i had to clean up the carpet and wash my clean bedding, it was a pain!

Eventually the time ran down and the lock on my ass clicked open, i reached behind me and removed the padlock and then closed the locking plug, you have no idea how good it felt to feel it retract inside me but also really strange and empty. Next i had to VERY carefully lift my leg over the chain without falling and ripping my clit ring out. my legs were so sore and stiff and it was hard to take my weight on one of them but i powered through the pain and, shaking, got off the chain then climbed on a chair and detached the chain from the ceiling. Then i fell on the bed and stayed there for about twenty minutes just lying there and then after a while moving my legs around.

Once i had recovered a little i started to explore my body with my hands, my pussy had a deep indentation of the chain along it which had only slightly dissipated while i was laid on the bed. my pussy and clit were very pussy, red and sore. i laid on my side and bent my legs up so that i could reach around and slowly pull the plug out of myself which left my hole gaping for some time afterwards.


 

I hope you enjoy reading this, I hope to write more soon as I have a few things going on that might make interesting reading although my life is so crazy at the moment it’s hard to say when that will be!