Updates

Septum

Sorry that it has been a while since I’ve written properly, I actually have loads to write about but have really struggled to find time in the last few weeks. Thank you to Mistress for writing, what I found to be, an interesting post on one of the methods she uses to train me, I hope you enjoyed it too.

So for this post I wanted to give you a few updates and then hopefully later in the week I’ll have another post lined up finishing off something I was telling you about a few weeks back, the dinner party.

First off I have achieved another of my goals for 2018! Can you guess which one? If you guessed a septum piercing them you get ten points, This is something which I have wanted to get for a long time but have been reluctant to do so because I didn’t want it to impact my every day appearance because of work etc.

I didn’t want the piercing for aesthetic reasons, I do think they look good on certain people but I don’t think it is something that would particularly complement my public image. No I wanted one purely for the BDSM aspect of it, I think having a ring in your nose is extremely sexy for a submissive and I’m definitely turned on by the idea of being led around by it or restrained by it.

So this weekend Mistress and I visited a reputable piercing studio and a lovely girl named Kate pierced it for me. The pain really wasn’t much, a bit like if you get knocked in the nose and it made me want o sneeze, or feel like I did anyway. Kate put a horse shoe shaped piece of jewellery in and after showing me how it looked (it’s definitely not something I’d wear visible in normal life) she folded it up for me and it is completely invisible. I walked out looking exactly as I did before which was weird but good.

Since it was done it has felt a bit itchy at times but the main issue is that I’m not supposed to touch it but can’t help myself and Mistress has to keep telling me how unattractive it is to have my fingers in my nose! She is definitely right but I’m not really doing it consciously, in fact I was just doing it now while I was thinking of what to write next!

So that’s the first bit of news, the second is that we have found a buyer for Mistresses house and are edging toward completion on the purchase of our new home together. It takes forever to buy a house but hopefully it won’t be too much longer before we can move in and start renovating it including building our dream dungeon! Once this all goes through that will be another goal checked off the list.

A while back I put up a poll so I could see who was actually reading my blog, unsurprisingly the majority are dominant males but it was actually less of a “dominant lead” then I thought it would be. 42% of people who responded were Doms whilst the next biggest group male switches with 18% and then third was female submissives with 14%. There were 417 votes cast so I think it is a good representation of my readership. I’m sure that’s of no interest to most of you but I found it interesting!

If you have read my about me page and the post referenced there you will know about my troubles from the past. The female friend who I drunkenly slept with, shared intimate details of my sexuality and lifestyle with, who then betrayed me by exposing all of my secrets to all of our group of friends, some of whom where work colleagues.

This was the worst time of my life and a time when I seriously considered taking my own life. Most of my friends stopped talking to me, not “officially” but they stopped returning my calls and answering my messages with more than a few words. The girl who I’d slept with broke all contact with me and I felt like all of my colleagues at work knew all about me as well because some of my (former) friends worked there. I’ve no idea if they did know or not but that is sort of irrelevant when you think they do.

I retreated into myself, stopped going out or doing anything and spent a lot of time crying. I bought pills and knives to end things but never had the courage to go through with it. Then in one of my stronger moments I looked for and found a job outside of London and left my home to start a new life basically.

It was the best thing I could have done, I got a good job where I’ve progressed, I (eventually) found love and I am more open about my life then I have ever been. I didn’t tell my former friends I was leaving London and have never been in contact with any of them, until now.

Through some colleagues I know in London I managed to get hold of contact details for the girl who ruined my life. This was some time ago and it took me a long time to work out what to say when I contacted her but eventually I wrote her an email.

In it I said to her that I wanted to get back in touch as I have reached a point in my life where I want to confront what happened with her as I, and my partner, believe that it still has an effect on me. I honestly didn’t expect a reply but a few days later I got one, a long one!

I’m not going to post any of our communications but the gist of what she said in that first email is that she is deeply sorry for what she did. She said that she couldn’t justify it in any way but that she was young and stupid and scared. She was scared of what we did, confused about what it meant about her own sexuality and freaked out by the “other stuff” that I’d told her about.

She said that she only told a couple of the other girls about my being gay and into BDSM and that she didn’t know why she did it. In hindsight, she said, maybe it was to deflect any focus on herself if I revealed what we’d done together. Apparently one of the other girls told her boyfriend who immediately told the other guys in the group and then everyone knew.

She claims to not have been disgusted or “judgy” of those things although a lot of the others definitely were and she didn’t feel she could speak against them. She only avoided me because she was ashamed and couldn’t face me. She claimed she was devastated when I just disappeared.

When I first read her email I was angry, really angry, it came across as her trying to find justification for her actions but after talking through it with Miss I began to see it in a different light. I think she was a very confused, weak and shallow person when it all happened and that’s what she was trying to justify.

I replied and told her my story, how it felt to be ostracised just for being myself and sharing that with someone I thought I could trust. How it felt to be alone and pushed out by all of my friends and feeling unable to work through paranoia and depression. I really let it all out being very honest about what she did to me, it felt good but I still felt guilty sending it, Mistress pushed me to do so but left it my decision.

It took longer for the reply to come than it had the first time. She said that she had cried reading my message, that she felt truly ashamed of her younger self and wished she could take all that hurt back from me. Her message made me cry too.

We arranged to meet up but for various reasons that didn’t happen until recently and it was truly awkward. The last time I’d seen her we were falling asleep in each other arms so meeting up in a coffee shop after all these years was just very bizarre. She was already there when I arrived and got up when I approached her table, neither of us knew how to greet each other but ended up in a brief hug.

She had obviously rehearsed a speech because she basically vomited it at me as soon as we sat down, she was obviously very nervous but for some reason I wasn’t at all. She said that she wished she could take back what happened but that she can’t and that it had a huge effect on her life as well.

As it turns out she was married but is divorced, why is she divorced? Because she didn’t love her husband and then she thought she fell in love with a work colleague, a female work colleague. Nothing happened between them other than them becoming very close and she started to have feelings for this woman. She still seems to be a very confused person which I can understand, I struggled with my sexuality when I was younger and it can be difficult, especially if you aren’t a strong person.

The upshot of all of this is that I have forgiven her for what she did to me, I felt genuine remorse from her when we met and I felt like it is something that has weighed on her conscience for as long as it has weighed on me. I am happy now though whilst she is still struggling with a lot of things and it felt good to remove this weight from both of us. Also I’ve been way more successful than her career-wise!

In other news my Mistress has set my sister up with a submissive guy and I don’t even know where to start with that!

Oh and, so excited…

HaloInfinite

On holiday

I’m on holiday in Portugal having an amazingly relaxing time and loving every minute, it’s been so long since I’ve relaxed like this. Just me and my (completely platonic) friend chilling in a villa, drinking wine round the pool and not doing much of anything, I’ve even got a bit of a tan!

I’ve got loads to write about and intend to get right on it when I get home, I did intend to leave some posts queued up to be published while I was away but work got crazy before I left and I didn’t manage to do that. Sorry!

They’ll be worth waiting for though, I promise, I’ve done some crazy stuff in the last few weeks!

I’ve also started to write an erotic bdsm themed story, I’m not sure if it will end up worth showing anyone but we’all see, it is about a girl called Macy who sort of accidentally becomes a cuckquean slave.

Anyway, the pool and a bottle of “green wine” are calling so that’s all for now x

A date with a Domme

Hair

She hadn’t told me where we would be going, in fact she hadn’t told me much at all other than she would pick me up at 8pm on Friday. She had confirmed that we’d be going for drinks and food but I really struggled to know what to wear because I didn’t know if that meant a pub, a restaurant or a cafe bar or attire what would be appropriate.

Eventually I settled on a black mid-thigh bodycon dress which has quite a low neckline and shows off my modest cleavage nicely. I considered going commando but I thought my ring would be visible through my dress so instead I wore a nice pink Victoria Secret thong underneath and finished it off with some heeled gladiator style sandals.

Bodycon.jpgThe picture on the right isn’t me, obviously she is way more attractive, but it is very similar to what I was wearing which would be well overdressed for a pub but I went with it anyway. I did my hair in a thick braid and put on some striking but not too heavy eye makeup. I finished my outfit with a long gold necklace.

I was more nervous than I thought I would be, I’ve had many “encounters” and am not normally nervous but I definitely had a little apprehension while I waited for her to arrive, which she did at ten past eight.

I could see her looking me up and down as I walked to the car and it made me hot between my legs. I had wanted her to know I’d made an effort and the smile she gave when I climbed in told me she appreciated it.

There was some relief when I saw that Fiona had dressed at a similar level to me but her dress was a dark maroon and reached her knee and she had a black bolero over it. Her hair is so gorgeous, hence the image at the top, again it isn’t her but that’s basically what her hair looks like and I’m so jealous of how thick it is.

We made small talk in the car about nothing in particular, just work etc. She definitely has that dominant something about her that really appeals to me. I’ve mentioned this before, especially in rants about dominants, but so many men and women profess to be a Dom(me) but simply don’t have the natural aptitude for it. To properly submit to someone I need to feel the dominance oozing out of them without them even speaking, I felt it with Joanne, I felt it with Kayleigh and as I sat in the car next to Fiona being driven to an unknown location I could feel it from her too, and it was intoxicating.

We eventually arrived at an Italian restaurant which is one of the best restaurants in Cambridge, I’ve only ever been once but it was some of the best Italian food I’ve tasted. We exited the car and I walked around the back, as I joined her she took my hand in her warm one and we walked to the restaurant holding hands. I’ve always been very cautious about revealing my sexuality publicly but she is completely confident in herself and I really liked that, it gave me the confidence to be comfortable with it.

The maître d’ took Fiona’s name and then said “This way Miss [Fiona]” and my mind immediately rolled it around in my head, “Miss [Fiona]…Mistress Fiona…Mistress [Fiona]”, and I quite liked it.

Once seated Fiona ordered a bottle of wine and we looked over the menus, I thought she might try and prevent me from choosing my own food but she didn’t. It would have been a very predictable move and it boded well that she wasn’t being predictable, I liked that, she did however ask me what I had chosen and when the waitress came she ordered her own food and then said “and my date with have the Calamiri to start and the Spiedino de Pollo for her main”.

I smiled at the waitress who’s face faltered just for a second as she realised we were on a date and then she smiled back and went off with our order. My date also had a wry little smile on her face, I wasn’t sure whether she was marking her territory or trying to make me blush but I didn’t rise to it, instead I took a sip of the delicious wine to hide my grin.

We chatted as our starters came and we ended up sharing my squid and her Italian meats, it was all delicious. Whilst we waited for the main course I plucked up the courage and asked her about the time she invaded my shed whilst I was tied up inside it, we’d already discussed how it made me feel but I wanted to know how it came about.

She had been at Hannah’s chatting about me (yes I was now blushing plenty) and Hannah had shown her my blog with me talking about my self torture plans. Whilst Fiona had known about me for a long while through Hannah she was very much intrigued by the content of my blog and between them, after a few glasses of wine, they had decided on the plan of her coming to see me while I was tied up. They thought it would be a fun surprise and add an extra element to the “scene”.

Fiona has since read all of my blog (more blushing, sometimes I seriously regret putting myself on the internet!) and said that she would never have done it if she had known what she knows now. I think that is fair.

We chatted about her while we ate our main course, she is fairly senior manager at a large company (she didn’t want me to say any more than that) and is at a comparable level to myself career wise, she also often works long hours and understands the pressures that come with the sort of jobs we both have. I think that my relationship with Kayleigh suffered greatly because of my job so it was very reassuring to know that Fiona is in a similar position.

She lives about half way between my house and Hannah’s place which means she is only ten minutes drive away (which also means she was clearly late on purpose, noted!) so that is handy.

As the night went on I did start to wonder how it would be if we were together, getting ahead of myself is a huge problem for me, with previous relationships I’ve fallen for them very quickly and all of a sudden I’m way ahead of them in terms of where I think the relationship is. I promised myself this time I would rein myself in so I tried to shake the wayward thoughts of how good it could be from my head.

After the main course Fiona ordered a vanilla pannacotta to share, she had no way of knowing this but it’s my favourite desert so bonus points there! It was nice, sitting talking and sharing the food.

She wouldn’t let me pay a penny for dinner so when we went to a nearby bar after coffee I made sure I paid for the drinks (score one for the sub!) and we stood close to each other at the bar and drank them. She has amazing chocolatey brown eyes, I’m a sucker for eyes and she has truly beautiful ones and I caught myself staring into them a few times while she talked.

KissI’m quite sure she caught me too because when we were getting to the end of our drinks she suddenly slid her hand around to the small of my back and pulled me hard against her and kissed me deeply and passionately and it felt like it lasted forever. I didn’t want her to stop but she did and when she pulled backI was suddenly very self conscious and started to look around to see who had seen us but she said my name, loud and commanding and told me to look at her, I did without thinking and she smiled and my worry faded away, I smiled back blushing.

We left the bar after just the one drink (she was driving) and headed back to the car. We drove in silence for a couple of minutes during which I ran over the kiss in my mind and then I involuntarily giggled! I looked up at her but she didn’t react, except for a small smile in the corner of her lips, then she placed her hand on my knee and slid it slowly up my leg pushing my dress up until the side of her hand was resting at the crease between my inner thigh and my pussy, I made no move to stop her, I was so wet.

She left her hand there for the whole journey without speaking of it, I subtly spread my legs a little wider as we chatted but her hand didn’t make any more upward progress. When we arrived back outside my house she said “I’ve really enjoyed tonight, I’d like to do it again” and I enthusiastically (probably too enthusiastically) agreed. She kissed me again, just as passionately and then stopped kissing but kept her face an inch from mine while she reached between my legs (which I freely opened, such a slut!) and ran a finger over my pussy.

She was checking if I was wet, which I obviously was, she smiled, I blushed, then she pecked me on the lips and leaned back saying “Out!”. I got out of the car and closed the door as she wound the window down, I leaned over and she said “So I’m stocky?” then rolled her eyes and pulled the car away.

It took me a second to realise what she was talking about but then I realised she read my blog where I said she was “taller than me and a little stockier but still very feminine in shape” and felt so embarrassed. She is definitely NOT stocky! She has a beautiful shaped body that any woman would die for.

So I had a date…

DateNight

I had a really good time on Friday night, I had a date with Hannah’s Domme friend who’s name is Fiona. We went to a bar for some drinks and then out for a meal and then for more drinks! I’m going to write a full post about it tomorrow hopefully.

I’m still writing up the post about the party and the plaster cast etc but it is taking a while and I haven’t had much spare time and it really does take a lot of time to write those long posts, I will finish it asap though.

That’s it for now, I just wanted to say hello and let people know more is on the way and that I am quite happy and cautiously optimistic about this new person in my life.

Doldrums

Septum

I’ve been very “off” the last few weeks and am only just getting back to feeling like myself, I mentioned it in my last post but thought I was getting back on track at the time, it turns out it went on a lot longer.

A few things have happened whilst that was going on but unfortunately I haven’t felt much like writing so I apologise for that. The first is that I met up with Hannah and her sub along with her Domme friend who paid me a visit in the middle of the night. The second was the party where Luke would fulfil my Forniphilia fantasy and I’m going to fill you in on one of those today.

However, it’s probably not the one you were hoping for! I promise I will write about the part this week but it will have to wait until I have more time later in the week. This week is a little busy for me so I’ll struggle to get it to you any earlier.

So after the turbulent start (Part 1, Part 2 & Part 3) with Hannah’s friend we decided to put it all behind us and all go out for a meal together. It was a fairly casual place so I jeans and a low cut top with a long cardigan and some heels over some nice underwear, I know I’m going to get moaned at for wearing jeans but I decided this Domme had seen enough of me this early in proceedings.

I’m going to describe her now which is a little cringy because I know there is a good chance she will read this but I’ll try and be honest. She is thirty five, taller than me and a little stockier but still very feminine in shape, thin but not skinny. She has long dark brown hair  with a a blonde ombre which is quite thick and wavy, she wore it down when we met and I was very jealous, it’s gorgeous. Her eyes are quite large and dark brown, I found them to be very penetrating and would be easy to get lost in I think.

She was wearing a dark red lip stick and simple but dark make up which only served to emphasise her eyes. She wore a tight black dress that ended just above her knees and was almost met by her knee high boots, barely any skin on show but she still looked very sexy. Suffice to say I was impressed when we met but as I’ve said many times looks are far from the top of my list of perfect partner traits.

The conversation started off fairly easy, Hannah introduced the Domme and I which was a little awkward but neither of us brought up our first introduction until a lot later int he evening. I ended up sat next to Hannah’s sub either by their design or by chance (I’m fairly convinced it was the former) so it was the two subs opposite the two Domme’s in a booth. Hannah made her sub, who was wearing a very short skirt and no underwear, lift her skirt and sit directly on the seat with her naked ass and then told her to discreetly play with her clit and not speak until she was told to stop.

The waiter came and took our drinks order, Hannah ordering water for her now squirming sub, the rest of us having wine. I took the opportunity when the Domme’s weren’t looking to squeeze her knee and give her a reassuring smile but she just gave me a silent gasp back and the look on her face made me wet.

Hannah’s sub (she me to refrain from using her name) is a few years younger than me and is fairly new to the scene although she has been gay her whole life. She has really thrown herself into the sub role and has really blossomed with Hannah to the point that she is quite willing to follow demanding orders such as masturbating at the table of a crowded restaurant. Of course she is not allowed to orgasm without permission and as those who have read about my dealings with her will know, Hannah enjoys denial torture.

It was only once we the food orders had been taken and the starters arrived that Hannah allowed her to stop rubbing herself and ordered her to clean her fingers. The girl was just about to put them in her mouth after gratefully leaving her probably swollen clit alone when the other Domme piped up and said “Why doesn’t Lois clean them for her”.

I couldn’t help but smile, it did cause a nice feeling to run through me that I haven’t felt in a long time, those that aren’t submissive won’t understand but the feeling of being given an order, especially one that is inappropriate for the setting is quite a nice rush. Hannah’s sub offered me her hand blushing because we could all see it was covered in her juices and and I took her wrist and moved her fingers close to my  lips, then I grabbed her napkin and wiped her hand with it leaving it dry and then laid it on her knee.

The Dome laughed and Hannah rolled her eyes before turning to the Domme and saying, quite loudly, “I told you she needs a lot of work”. I just smiled to myself thinking “that will teach you for scaring the shit out of me!” and dug into my calamari, I could see Hannah’s sub stifling a grin as she began to eat too.

After that the night continued without any more play, everyone was allowed to talk normally although H’s sub maintained a much more respectful tone than I did. I wasn’t feeling in the mood to be that way and to be honest they hadn’t earned it from me recently. Maybe I AM in need of some retraining in the art of submission!

After the mains Hannah took her sub off to the bathroom to very unsubtly give me and the Domme some time to talk alone. We got on very well, she is clever and funny and she definitely has that air of dominance about her that I need from someone who wants to dominate me with any success. Eventually she asked if I would like to go out again, just the two of us and I said that sounded good, then as I watched she picked up my half full glass of wine and let some spit run from her mouth into it before placing it back where it was. Then, as Hannah and a slightly dishevelled looking sub returned she said, “I hope next time you will not disobey me” but I didn’t have time to answer.

No one had a desert but we all had coffee so I left my wine where it was, eventually it was time to head home but as we were getting up the Domme said “finish your wine Lois”. I considered it for a second and then lifted the glass and downed the contents before giving her a little smiling blush and turning for the door.

My sister was waiting outside and I didn’t want to give any awkward hugs so I said bye and then I was gone.

I really enjoyed the evening, I love spending time with Hannah and her sub and I got on really well with the Domme and am looking forward to our “date”, I’ll let you know how that goes!

Finally you may wonder what the picture accompanying this post is all about? Well, I am thinking of getting a septum piercing but want to be able to hide it most of the time, only putting it to proper use in play. It’s something I have been looking into and there are options for this, another thing to let you know about next time x

Faux pa

angry

I’ve been quiet this week but not for the reason you might think, I’ll explain what happened with that though.

So as it turns out the person who gate crashed my little enema task was in fact a friend of Hannah’s, a dominant friend of Hannah’s who reads my blog (hi!) and has taken an interest in me and between them they decided this would be an excellent way of introducing themselves. I disagreed.

Mainly because I, as you know, I am extremely protective of my anonymity and before I discovered who was behind this I was really freaking out, to the point that I was on the verge of deleting my entire online presence. Added to that is the fact that I had to figure out on my own who it was which also upset me and the combination of these things left me feeling a little betrayed.

That’s a strong word but it really felt like a huge breach of my trust by Hannah to tell this person who I am and where I live and be involved in what they did that night. That said, it would have been a very exciting experience if I’d had a little information, if I’d been told someone was going to come I would have been way hornier and excited about it.

I’ve discussed all of this with Hannah initially and have since been in contact with the Domme and have discussed it with her two and both agreed it could have been done better and apologies have been offered and accepted and it is all good now.

So that was that, it was a bit of a drama but it was resolved fairly calmly and it isn’t the reason I’ve been quiet this week. The reason for that is just that I’ve been a bit down and in no way horny. The former of those two things happens from time to time and can’t be helped, the latter is very rare for me, I actually went two days without bothering to have an orgasm which I don’t think has happened in some years.

Added to that the fact I had to go to a “Management Assertiveness Seminar” this week which is not only the antithesis of my personality but also not the kind of thing I enjoy and all in all it’s not been the best week.

So, this weekend is going to be a slob about weekend, pizza will be eaten, wine will be drunk and potentially some vanilla fun will be had. Then I’m hoping normal service will resume next week when I will be potentially going out with Hannah, her sub and her Domme friend to mend bridges and hopefully have a nice night.

Plus, the weekend after next (9th July) is the big party where Luke intends to encase me in plaster for a day, so we’ve all got that to look forward to!

The plot thickens

police

If you’re ever tied up, naked and blindfolded and someone walks in on your and writes a phone number on your chest in lipstick and you want to know who it was, come to me, because I’m an investigative genius! (Feeling quite pleased with myself!)

So I had the number of my unexpected visitor but despite calling it several times no one ever answered so I was stumped and frankly quite freaked out by it. I’d been away with family over the weekend so I hadn’t had any time to do anything about it until I got home last night.

First I Googled the number but that didn’t come up with anything, then I tried to do a phone number lookup but that didn’t help either. Then I had an idea, I put the number in my phone and then opened a chat to it in WhatsApp and there is was, a name, her name.

So I Googled her name and that came up with loads of results so I went onto Facebook and searched for her and what do I find? A friend of Hannah’s with that very same name!!

Hannah has been dodging my calls since last night but she can’t avoid me forever!