Friends past and present

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As I mentioned some people have expressed an interest in reading more about my normal life and quite often I mention people from my past in passing of in blog posts and people don’t know who they are. So, I thought it would be of interest to write about some of them.

Tom

About ten years ago I used to visit a very sadistic person called Tom, he had no interest in me as friend, partner or lover but he enjoyed playing with my body and did some quite creative and painful things to me. I haven’t been in touch with him in years.

Joanne

She was my first real full time Domme and the person who help me realise that I liked girls, although that was probably as much for her benefit as mine. She was very dominant and very sadistic and I was really happy with her.

She is the person who had my pubic hair permanently removed, she had me tattooed (although I later had it removed) and she (forcibly) introduced me to inter-species sex!

In 2008 Joanne was offered a temporary position in Australia for six months which turned into a permanent position which was too good to refuse and that basically ended our relationship.

She took with her various videos of me that I’ve never seen and have completely lost control of but I trust her to keep them safe.

Luke

I’ve known Luke longer than anyone else I know in the BDSM lifestyle, he is a true friend and I trust him implicitly. He has no interest in me romantically, as far as I know, and we rarely spend time together socially (although it’s fun when we do) but we have played together on many occasions.

Luke is a really twisted sadist, extreme is his default and loves to push the bounds of what is acceptable even within this very liberal of communities.

He is the person who has been organising the fulfilment of my fantasies and is also the person who removed part of my clit hood and inserted an obscenely large ring through my clit piercing and soldered it shut.

Hannah

When I was with Joanne she was very close friends with another Domme and that Domme had a sub, Hannah was that sub. Our Mistresses spent a lot of time together therefore we spent a lot of time together.

For the enjoyment of our dominants we pleasured each other and other people, we spent time sleeping in cages together, were left bound together and did everything that sister subs do together.

I lost touch with Hannah when Joanne and I split and when we got back in touch she was more of a switch and became more and more dominant as time went by. We played a little together but it never developed into anything more serious.

Hannah is now completely dominant and has her own sub and I spend time with them both socially quite often. Hannah has written a few posts on this blog and still has access to do so.

Kayleigh

Kayleigh was my Domme for most of 2012, I was very close to her and was upset when it ended.

She is a wonderfully creative, clever and perverted person who seemed to love finding unique ways to torture me that did not involve physically punishment. That said she was also very adept at inflicting physically pain on me as well, although she always managed to do it in unexpected ways.

As well as dominating me in a sexual way Kayleigh controlled my wider life and I loved that too, by forcing me to do certain things she had a profound impact on my life. For example, she forced me to reveal my true sexuality to my friends and family and despite my fears they all accepted me and I loved her for that.

The time I spent with her was probably the most content time of my life.

Blind date

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First of all a small update on the Kayleigh situation, we met up on Tuesday night as I am away for a few days from Thursday. It was like a pleasant catch up for the first half hour then she suggested we get food so we got a table and ordered. Then she said “so you love me?” at which point I got a little flustered and struggled to keep eye contact with her like I had been doing before.

I managed to explain how I felt to her and she was really nice about it, she apologised for how she has made me feel and seemed genuine when she said she didn’t know I still felt that way when she was messing with me. She said that she is with someone but that she would like to be friends but only if I wanted that too and could accept that it wouldn’t be anything more, at least not at the moment. I said I’d think about it while I was away so that’s what I’ll do.

So Saturday, I was really nervous as I drove up to the hotel. I say hotel but it’s really an old pub with about ten rooms attached to it and it is really run down. The “reception” is the bar in the pub and they basically just take payment and give you a key, an actual key not a key card!

Once I’d got the key, along with HUGE wooden keyring that you could probably kill someone with, I headed to the room which was extremely chintzy (British version) and old fashioned, it had quite a musty smell as well but on the plus side it was extremely cheap!

I took the cameras and toys I had been told to bring out of the bag and put them on the bed along with my “outfit” and got undressed then stashed by bag safely in the wardrobe with my phone and clothes in it.

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I’d already had a shower and got myself ready at home with a bit of make-up and my hair tied back in a tight pony tail and was wearing a black thong, garter belt and some thigh high stockings that I had bought for the occasion. On the excellent advice of a friend I was went with lingerie over being naked but bought some cheap stuff rather than risking my expensive Victoria’s Secret stuff getting ruined by whoever was going to be joining me in the dingy room, it still looked good though even if I do say so myself.

Luke had provided two cameras which would record the whole thing for him, which is part of the deal I made with him for arranging all of these fantasy scenarios, the agreement is that he gets videos and pictures but purely for his personal use. I placed one camera on the bedside table facing the bed and then one at the other side of the room as I had been told to and started them both recording very conscious that I was now being filmed virtually naked.

I sat on the bed and strapped my black leather cuffs around my ankles and then wrists and then laid the toys out neatly on the desk including the key to a padlock, then as it was nearly time I knelt on the floor with my feet together and my knees apart and threaded the padlock through the rings on both ankle cuffs. To make sure I definitely wouldn’t see the person who was going to be playing with me I had purchased some adhesive eye patches so I peeled those off and, looking in the mirror, placed them over my eyes and over them put on the eye mask style velvet blindfold I had brought. Finally, with much more difficulty than I had anticipated, threaded the rings from the cuffs onto the padlock and clicked it shut. In the process I really hurt my shoulder so was in pain before it even started!

Due to the way I had bound myself I was forced to lean back on my arms resting my hands on my ankles and with my knees spread wide I’m sure I looked very much like I was presenting myself. I was already getting horny from the anticipation and my nipples were hard, standing out from my breasts that were already being pushed out by my position.

With my sight entirely removed I was very conscious of every sound and a few loud bangs made me jump and then giggle knowing it would look very silly on the video, I was very on edge! Eventually I heard the door open, close and then the key turn in the lock.

My heart was beating pretty fast as I waited, I could hear the person moving around me and I could feel their eyes on me in my extremely exposed position, then I felt the air move very close to my face, they were testing my blindfold which was absolutely effective and it made me feel very nervous, like I was going to get punched in the face and I wondered if I should have stipulated no punching, it’s really not my thing.

No punches came though and instead I heard them move behind me and then two hands cupped my breasts and I knew immediately that it was a man whose hands now squeezed my breasts and pinched my already erect nipples, hard, hard enough to eventually make me gasp and bite my lip.

He left one hand crushing my left nipple whilst the other travelled down between my spread legs to feel the already damp underwear covering my pussy, he ran his finger over my clit and then traced the outline of my clit ring a few times. His hand them left my pussy and return to my breasts a second later to attach a clamp to the nipple he had been pinching and then another to my right nipple.

They were the set of nipple and clit clover clamps that I’d left out but rather than putting the remaining clamp on it’s designated spot he pulled it from behind me and continued to pull it until I realised he was leading me somewhere. He didn’t say a word, just kept pulling on the chain whilst I awkwardly started to walk on my knees feeling like I looked utterly ridiculous.

It took ten minutes to reach our destination, he very patiently kept the chain taut and my nipples crushed as I made my way to where he wanted me, which as it turned out was the bathroom (I laddered my stockings on the door plate so I’m glad I didn’t wear my expensive stuff!). I knelt in the bathroom for a minute, just waiting, my pussy was warm and wet and my heart was beating fast, I yelped as he picked me up from behind with remarkable ease placing one hand round my chest and one between my legs and then he put me down on my front in the bath with my arms and legs bent behind me in so I was in a transitional hog-tie position although a very tight and uncomfortable one as my ankles and wrists were held very close together.

He hadn’t removed the clamps so my tits were crushed into them because I couldn’t hold myself up in any way. He tried a few times to pull and rip my thong but apparently Ann Summers used some strong lace because they were just pulled roughly between my lips and didn’t give. He disappeared for a moment then returned and I felt metal against my pussy and then the crotch of my thong disappeared (doubly glad I didn’t wear my expensive stuff!) and my ring fell to the floor of the bath sending a jolt through me. I heard the buzz of the vibe just before it touched my ring and sent amazing feelings through my pussy.

Whoever this person was Luke had obviously told them how to push my buttons, he placed the vibe through the ring and pushed it just a little into my pussy leaving the ring resting on top of it which had the effect of causing vibrations in the entrance to my hole as well as intense clitoral stimulation and it didn’t take long before I was close to orgasm, then he turned on the tap.

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The freezing cold water poured into the bath by my head, splashing my face and very quickly covering my nipples and working its way up to my pussy…and face. I’m not really a fan of breath play, it’s not something I’ve ever been interested in trying but at this point I didn’t have a choice. I lifted my head as the water rose to keep my mouth and nose out of it but at the same time he turned the vibrator up to a higher setting and despite the situation and the cold water it was having the inevitable effect on my body.

I don’t remember ever being in a situation quite like that before, where I’m panicking and on the verge of cumming at the same time. I was pushing my head back as far as I could when the water reached my lips and then I heard him speak for the first time, he said “deep breath” and I had just enough time to follow the order before his hand came down on the back of my head and forced me under the cold water whilst his other hand pressed the vibe directly against my clit which pushed me over the edge.

This was definitely a first, I’ve never cum whilst being submerged in water before and it was amazing and scary all at once.

This write up is continued here


I’m very sorry, I wanted to get this whole thing written before I went away but there was a snafu with my holiday money and I’m really stressed out and I just don’t have time to finish it so I’m going to leave it there and pick up where I left off in my next post next week, something to look forward to anyway!

Implosion

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Sorry! I kind of lost it a little bit the last few days, I blame the alignment of the Earth with the Moon and Mars. I’ve no idea if that happened or not but it’s as plausible as any other reason I can think of for the sudden reignition of very strong feelings that have been dead and buried for so long.

I have now, I think, pulled myself together a little and possibly regained rational thought. I spoke to Kayleigh over text on Thursday night and she was really nice about everything despite admitting being quite shocked to receive my message out of the blue. We talked a bit and it turns out she is currently seeing someone, a vanilla someone, although it’s still fairly new.

She did ask if I wanted to meet up and go for a drink to talk so we have agreed to meet up next week one night so we will have to see what happens then. It would be nice to just have a friendship with her to be honest, even if that’s all it can be.

Oh, and she still had the address for this blog so has read everything on it, which is a little mortifying! So if you comment about her please don’t be mean, she is really a lovely person and I never meant to portray her as anything less.

In the meantime, there is tonight to get ready for!

Busy week

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So I’ve started to try and update my blog a bit more and have been a little more active on my Tumblr as well. This is something I am going to try and maintain although updates likely won’t always be as frequent as this in all honesty. I’ll likely update when I have something worth writing going on in my life.

Right now, no such thing exists in my sex life (but keep posted because Saturday promises to be interesting!) but I’ve managed to put myself in a massively awkward position emotionally so I thought I’d write about that. Some people have expressed an interest in me writing about none sex stuff so hopefully this will be worth reading but if you are only interested in reading about my sexual exploits this is going to be a disappointing post for you!

Still here? OK. I wrote a post the other day which digressed into a bit of rant about my ex girlfriend and Mistress Kayleigh whom I broke up with in December 2012 following which I made several questionable choices in regards to my sex life. I met Kayleigh at a New Years Eve party at the end of 2011, beginning of 2012 so we weren’t actually together that long but they were some of the best months of my life and I fell head over heels in love with her, then she broke up with me.

I’ve done plenty of playing and had relationships of a sort with various people since then but I’ve stayed away from becoming to connected with anyone and have focused my life mainly on my career, which has paid off quite nicely career wise but in recent months I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely and nothing I’ve done to abate that has been successful.

Through writing the post the other day I started to think about Kayleigh, a lot, looking at pictures of us together, reading letters she’d sent me, reading back my blog entries about the two of us and I came to the conclusion that, unbelievably after so long, I’m still in love with her.

Once I came to this conclusion I spoke to several people about it, vanilla friends, kink friends, online friends, even my sister (who is currently living with me) and the consensus amongst all of them was pretty much “let it go, it’s been too long and she’s not good for you”, my Domme friend Hannah (who put me in the chastity belt for three months) went as far as to say she is “toxic” for me.

So last night I text Kayleigh and told her I was still in love with her and that I think she is my soul mate and I desperately want her back.

That was over seventeen hours ago and so far I’ve heard nothing back. I feel horrendous, I barely slept and I’ve checked my phone every few minutes since I sent the message, I’ve even reset it a couple of times just in case it wasn’t working. I have no idea whether I’m glad I sent it or not, right now I just wish she’d reply!

So anyway, that’s where I am right now, on the verge of either crying or exploding, or, possibly, happiness?

Stranger danger

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Firstly, I changed the theme on here again, no real reason other than I get bored and fancy a change every now and again, hope you like it!

Months ago, I added a list of fantasies to this blog that I was hoping to make a reality with the help of my friend Luke and I actually knocked one off the list fairly swiftly just before Christmas, however it turns out six months has passed since then and I haven’t gotten any further!

This is much to the frustration of Luke who has put quite a lot of effort into trying to organise things only for me to be busy, out of the country or just generally unhelpful. I’m sorry Luke, life has been a challenge of late and I’ve been on a bit of a roller coaster emotionally through various different things that have happened. I think basically I have lost myself a bit.

I’ve been single since I broke up with Kayleigh which means I’ve been single for 1258 days which breaks down to nearly three and a half years, now that is depressing! You know how they say time heals all wounds, it’s not true. I’ve been in love before and I’ve had long term relationships before and in the scheme of things I wasn’t even with Kayleigh that long but I’m still not over her, not properly.

Partially this is probably due to the fact that she has never completely left my life, despite us not being together and despite the fact I know she has been in at least one relationship since me, she still pops back into my life every now and again to fuck with my head and put me back to square one. The last time was at the end of last year when she “popped round” to catch up, we were literally just having coffee together but she ended up removing my top tying my arms up behind me and making me eat her pussy. Once she came she left, with my arms still tied. I thought she was joking but after a couple of hours I realised she wasn’t coming back and I’d have to escape the rope myself, which took another couple of hours.

I was so horny and excited when she was tying me and I was eager to taste her again but then when I realised she wasn’t coming back I was absolutely devastated, I felt absolutely ridiculous sitting there waiting for her like a good little sub, kidding myself she still felt something for me.

Hannah says she is toxic for me and I should keep her out of my life forever but there is part of me that knows that if she comes calling again I’ll let her do the same thing to me again. She might be toxic but so are alcohol and drugs and people get addicted to those right?

So anyway, I’ve wildly digressed from what I intended this post to be about but suffice to say I’m still quite fucked up over Kayleigh because I think I’m still in love with her and the “concentrating on work” for the past three years has just been my way of trying to deal with it and waiting for her to realise that she still loves me too.

I’m so pathetic!

The actual point of this post is that I enjoyed my little play session with the homeless guy so much that it got me back interested in knocking some of these fantasies off the list. I contacted Luke and we got some things arranged and I’m quite excited.

Next Saturday night I am staying at a (very cheap) hotel about an hours drive from where I live. I will have instructions on what to do once I arrive but it will include me blindfolding myself and waiting to submit to an entire night of whatever the person Luke has arranged wants. I don’t have all the details yet but it is definitely happening on Saturday and it will definitely be someone I have never met before (and never will meet).

I go on holiday for a few days the following week and then at the beginning of July there is large a BDSM party being arranged by an acquaintance of Luke’s and as long as he can organise it I am going to fulfil my fantasy of being an ornament at that party. He hasn’t told me all the details of his plan but the main part of it is that I will be put inside a full body plaster cast for twenty four hours with complete audio and visual sensory deprivation. This sounds horrifically scary and extremely exciting both at the same time.

statueLuke’s description is that he wants me to be a living interactive BDSM statue. The idea of being restrained inside a plaster cast for that length of time seems scary enough, I imagine the muscle pain alone will be agony after a while of being in the same position for a long time but then there is that word “interactive”, which I can only assume means the guests will be able to torture me in some way whilst I’m trapped inside.

I know a few people are really interested in the auction fantasy, that was coming along nicely, arrangements were being made and then I screwed it up by being away for a few weeks and now I don’t know when we’ll be able to remake the arrangements. A few people suggested that there be multiple goes at this and that several people could pay to have me for a week at a time. There is a word for that, prostitution. Whilst I have nothing at all against prostitutes I am not one and Luke isn’t a pimp so that won’t be happening, sorry!

Thank you to those who commented on my previous posts, I really enjoy receiving comments and I always try to answer them, especially if they include questions. I’m really grateful to you for reading my blog and hope you enjoy it, if you do please share it with people who might also be interested on twitter or tumblr or whatever.

For those that don’t know, I also have a Tumblr blog which I update MUCH more often than this one. Mainly I reblog things that I enjoy and answer questions people ask me. If you are interested you can find the blog here.

An update and a little help?

Hi there, I don’t know if anyone is still reading this considering how poor I’ve been at actually writing anything new. I’ve actually been looking back through my old posts and it’s appalling how many times I’ve felt the need to apologise for not keeping this blog up to date!

Things have been happening in my life, I’ve actually completed one of my fantasies! “Which one?” I hear you ask, well this one:

  • Have my body modified (in a sexual way) without my prior knowledge of what will be changed

I do intend to write a detailed account of what happened but who knows if or when that will happen so I’ll skip to the end for now. Some of you will be aware that I have a clit piercing, not a hood piercing, a clit piercing where the ring goes through the glans of the clitoris. When I had the piercing done I was given an 18 gauge ring for it and eventually I settled, or rather someone else settled, on a 12 gauge ring (about 2mm) which was locked in place with a dog tag hanging from it although when that relationship ended I removed the dog tag and just kept the ring. 

Why am I telling you this? Well shortly before Christmas that 12ga ring was forcibly replaced with a two inch diameter, 8 gauge (3.2mm!) ball closure ring (BCR) which had some kind of metal adhesive applied to the ball closure to prevent its removal. Now I know a 1.2mm increase may not sound like a lot but it’s a big jump for a piercing and especially for one in such a delicate part of the anatomy, the insertion of the new jewellery was traumatic to say the least but I was securely bound and blindfolded at the time so could offer no resistance beyond my yelps and screams. 

Putting the gauge aside for a moment just imagine what a two inch diameter ring looks like, it’s big trust me, and heavy. When I’m naked it hangs two inches below my pussy and it doesn’t sit very comfortably when wearing underwear, because it is wide it pushes my labia out into an unnatural position and my pussy no longer looks as “tidy” as it used to. 

The new jewellery also caused a problem in that it was pushing against my clitoral hood but they weren’t finished yet, once the ring was securely in place they proceeded to remove a significant portion of my hood. This is the part that, looking back, really turns me on because my body…my pussy has been permanently changed without my consent and that is something I’ve fantasised about for a long long time. 

The end result, now that everything has healed is that my clit has grown larger and is being constantly forced outward by the ring, my hood doesn’t really cover my it anymore so it is fully exposed all of the time and is insanely sensitive. It is now more comfortable to forgo wearing underwear and if I do wear any they are always wet when they come off. Very little stimulation is required for me to orgasm now, I haven’t had sex since it was done but I imagine it will be an intense experience when it happens!

So that’s the first of my fantasies to be marked off the list. I’m assured planing is well underway for at least some of the others and I know it’s true because I’ve done some “testing” for one of them (which was the pretence I was under when subjected to the above). 

The title of this post mentioned “a little help”, well whilst looking through my old posts I found that pictures were missing from several. This, I’ve discovered, is due to Flickr closing my account where the pictures were hosted which is particularly disappointing as they were the only copies I had of some photos of myself, specifically one from this post which was of my original piercing and another which had my dog tag on it. 

It’s a bit of a long shot but I was wondering if anyone who followed then and still follows now saved a copy of any of those pictures, it’s a little nostalgic but I really would like a copy of them. 

That’s my first post of 2016, I’ll write again soon when I have time and something to write about, in the mean time I update my tumblr regularly so follow me there if you’re interested x