I just wanted to write a short post to say how happy I am that Lois accepted my proposal of marriage.
Our relationship started out on rocky ground as has been well documented here on her blog but has grown into something much more than I think either of us ever intended or expected. Each of us has grown because of the other and I don’t think either of us can now imagine being without the other.
Yes, she is submissive and I am her Domme, she belongs to me and obeys me and all of that, but she is also my partner and my soul mate and I love her dearly and cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with her.
So thank you Lois, for making me the happiest Domme alive and for just being you.
I was really excited last night because Mistress was taking me out for a fancy meal and then we were meeting my sister and friends for some drinks. I knew Mistress had got me a present but it turned out to be something I was definitely NOT expecting!
After we’d eaten the main course, me with my dress arranged so that my naked ass was on the seat as per Mistresses instructions, she stood up looking nervous. I was very confused and my heart started racing because I had no idea what was happening, then she came around the table and knelt in front of me and produced a ring.
I was crying immediately put my hands over my mouth as she said (I’m going to paraphrase a little here as I can’t remember the exact words:
“Lois, you’ve turned my life upside down and I love you for it. You are a beautiful and amazing person and I want to spend my life with you, will you marry me…please.”
I just blurted out “YES!” and wrapped my arms around her and we hugged for what felt like ages until I realised that EVERYONE was staring at us and then they all started to clap and I was so embarrassed and turned bright red. Tears were running down my cheeks as she slid the ring onto my finger and then handed me another identical ring and held out her own finger.
As we sat and waited for our dessert various people at the tables around us congratulated us and it felt like we were the subject of everyone’s conversations, Miss said “Maybe I should have waited until after desert!” and I laughed, probably too loudly!
We held hands basically the whole rest of the meal and I felt like my chest was going to explode with happiness! I know that sounds cheesy but that’s how I felt, and still feel now! Mistress told me that she’d chosen identical rings for us to show that we are completely equal in this……MARRIAGE(!) even if I belong to her.
We left the restaurant and headed to the bar to meet everyone and they all cheered when we walked in and my mum was there too!! Mistress had asked my mum if she could marry me, how adorable is that?! My mum, sister and Miss Hannah all knew she was going to propose to me, only Emma (Miss Hannah’s sub) was surprised at what the big event was.
So now we have to plan a wedding!! How crazy is that?
Not a great deal to share this week unfortunately. I started a new project at work and have been doing upwards of twelve hours a day in the office so not much time for anything more interesting I’m afraid.
Despite my long work hours Mistress is still maintaining my daily ruined orgasm, you’d think that after months it would become easier and less frustrating but nope, I’m basically always in a states of sexual frustration although I have managed to get my head around that enough that my mind doesn’t wander into a sexual fantasy every time I don’t have something to focus on, not every time.
I have to admit that I struggled with it a bit this week, after working a long day having to strip and kneel for Miss to finger my clit to orgasm only to stop at just the right moment so that my body goes through the motions, my pussy throbbing and thrusting against thin air whilst I get none of the release is incredibly frustrating and caused a few tears this week.
Mistress was really good about it, holding me and comforting me afterwards and even made my food for me but still no release for my constantly wet and needy hole.
Tonight we are attending a dinner party, well I say “we” but in actual fact the dinner party is just for the Dominants. My Mistress, Miss Hannah and four others will be in attendance and myself and the other five subs will be serving them, two cooking (not me thankfully) and the other four as waitresses.
Uniforms have been arranged for all of us, I can only imagine what they will be, something suitably skimpy I would imagine to give the Dominants some entertainment whilst they chat and eat. They are hoping to make the dinner party a regular arrangement so that should be fun. I’m looking forward to meeting the other subs (the ones I don’t already know) and having a good evening. I’ve been promised a real orgasm too so that’s something to look forward to!
Anyway, just a short post to let you know I’m still alive, I will write about tonight as soon as I get time next week x
I just wanted to highlight an example of some of the crap I have to deal with just because I write this blog. Most people are very complimentary of it or, if they don’t like it just don’t read it I assume, however some people feel the need to message me and tell me their poor opinion of it.
This happens about once a week or fortnight, below is a recent example from CollarSpace:
j4pippa on 4/9/18 at 11:22 PM:
website is crap
PainSlutLois on 4/9/18 at 11:43 PM:
Are you referring to my blog? If so thank you for taking the time to think about, write and send that insightful feedback. It is much appreciated and I will file it right next the packet that my sandwich came in at lunch time.
j4pippa on 4/10/18 at 1:03 AM:
blog .. website .. yes ..
PainSlutLois on 4/11/18 at 11:26 PM:
Well like i said, thank you for taking the time to put down years of time and effort that is enjoyed and praised by many real dominants when you’re too lazy to even fill in your own profile. Idiot.
j4pippa on 4/12/18 at 2:52 AM:
wtf should i read your crap ?.
is it interesting?
PainSlutLois on 4/12/18 at 9:06 AM:
Wtf means “WHAT the fuck” not “WHY the fuck”. And I don’t care whether you read it or not. However if you haven’t read it how do you know it is crap? Your level of idiocy baffles me.
I know that I shouldn’t let this sort of thing bother me and for the most part I let it just wash over me but I just wanted to highlight it in the vain hope that it might encourage people to just not bother!
Everyone is entitled to their opinion but they don’t necessarily need to share it! If you don’t like this blog then that is fine, carry on with your day and never return to it, I don’t need to know how terrible you think it is!
If you’re still here, thanks for reading and sorry for ranting!
I know I have been quiet the last couple of weeks, sometimes the work/life/blog balance gets skewed a little. First of all though, let’s get something out of the way, recently I was made aware of a photoshopped picture of myself and HitMeHarrder (right) that had been posted on Tumblr and I’d like to say something to the person who made it; It is not flattering, cool, funny or clever to do this. It is creepy, stalkerish and definitely not appreciated by either of us so please desist from this sort of activity and keep those fantasies in your head where they belong from now on.
This sort of thing is the reason I was always reluctant to share images of myself online and the reason I am still deciding whether to pull down any pictures that I have up at the moment. It freaks me out that someone has gone to the time and effort of making this even though it isn’t even a great fake.
Anyway, enough of that…
I used to buy all of my own clothes or rather I should say I used to choose all of my own clothes, I still but them now but I only get to express my opinion not to make the ultimate decision on what I buy.
Recently Mistress and I went on a shopping trip as I needed a few things, we went into the large store and both browsed and picked up a few things before heading to the changing rooms for me to try things on. They don’t ordinarily allow a “friend” to join you in the changing room but Mistress spoke to the attendant and they let her come in with me, I have no idea what she said.
The first thing Mistress does in this situation is to take a large garment, that she has picked up specifically for this purpose, and hang it over the mirror so that I cannot look at myself in the clothes, then I start to try things on.Depending on how busy it is in the changing rooms Mistress will stand outside with the curtain open or closed and wait as I try each item on and show her. As I can’t really see myself properly in the clothes this part is all her decision and she has me turn around and walk around in things, it makes me feel like a child and if other people are there feel quite self-conscious but Mistress doesn’t seem to notice anyone else.
Ordinarily, or I suppose previously as this is my new ordinary, I would only get a few items and to try on. I enjoy shopping but wouldn’t usually try a lot of items on in a store like Mistress has me do.
In one particularly quiet store Mistress was watching me change with the curtain open when the attendant appeared with a dress in a different size, I hadn’t even realised Mistress had sent her for one and could do nothing but blush and smile at the girl as I stood there covering my boobs and wearing only my knickers! The girl also looked a bit embarrassed, the first time, however Mistress kept asking her for things and she kept returning and seeing me in various states of undress and after a while seemed oblivious to what she saw of me. I only realised later that I had large yellow bruises on the back of my thighs!
For those that are interested, here are the clothes that I got that day. Chosen by Mistress, bought by me.
A while ago I described an event where I woke up masturbating and asked you to vote on if you thought I could be held responsible for this. Unsuprising “you” did hold e accountable but I was actually quite surprised that only 75% of you felt that way, so thank you to the other 25%. It did spark some interesting debate on the matter which was fun!
Finally, someone suggested that, as we are just about a quarter of the way through the year I should give you an update on how I am doing with my goals so here we go:
Submit to a permanent body modification of my choosing. Complete
Spend four weeks in chastity. Not Started
Contact and make peace with the person who caused her to leave London. In Progress, I will write about this soon
Give an orgasm to 52 people that she hadn’t met before 2018. On Target, current count is 18
Speak to her mother every other day. On Target, this is just routine at this point
Achieve an average daily views count of 500 on this blog. On Target, but dangerously close as current average is 525
Buy a new house with me (Mistress). In Progress
Have her septum pierced. Not Started
Experience Domming a submissive. Not Started
Achieve two of her fantasies. Not Started
Fully expose her lifestyle to at least one person who has known her in real life for more than five years. Not Started
Exceed her current “most painful torture”. In Progress, Mistress is working on building my pain threshold
If you wish me to expand on any of these points above please let me know in the comments and I will do so.
I’ve mentioned on plenty of occasions how I believe my body betrays me at every available opportunity. To be honest I’m not entirely sure if it is my body itself or if it is my subconscious that is doing the betrayal and my body is just jumping on the band wagon or following orders, it’s hard to tell. It’s a little scary to be honest because I do think that my subconscious has a little too much control over my body.
Normal people leave bodily functions such as breathing and their heart pumping to the parts of their brain that can act without conscious thought and that is fine but I am starting to believe that my own version has slightly larger aspirations than just keeping me alive.
For those that don’t know what muscle memory is I’ll give a definition:
the ability to reproduce a particular movement without conscious thought, acquired as a result of frequent repetition of that movement.
So things like typing or driving use muscle memory heavily so that you don’t have to think about what your hands and feet are doing, you can just concentrate on what you’re writing or where you are going.
Over the past year or so Mistress has been teaching me, more like training me really, to act in the way that she wants. I relish this and take genuine pride in behaving how she expects with very little input required from her especially when I can see that it pleases her. I’ve mentioned before that she can tell me to open my legs and by the time my brain has registered what she has said my legs are already open and recently she told me why.
For months now every time she told me to open my legs (which is quite often by the way!) she has opened them for me as she said the words. Not before, not after but as she spoke the words she pulled my knees apart. I honestly didn’t notice at the time, I’ve long since become used to her touching me and moving my body and just accept it, and it never occurred to me that she was building an association in my subconscious between those words and that action.
Mistress also told me that there are other associations that she has built or is in the process of building in my brain but she refused to tell me what they are, she said it is none of my business. I’m not convinced that is technically true but anyway…
There are other things that I have learnt which are less ingrained but I still believe she has indoctrinated into me. For example if she points at the floor that is a subtle signal for me to kneel at her feet, if she points with the left hand I kneel on the left and vice versa. This sort of thing is very useful for her to assert her control in vanilla settings. At Christmas we were all at my mother’s house, Mistress sat on the sofa and subtly pointed at the floor in front of her. Despite there being several seats free I knelt by her legs much to the confusion of my mother who asked why I didn’t sit on a seat, I just replied that I liked it on the floor which fortunately she accepted without much argument.
Whilst kneeling isn’t something my body does without my input (thankfully!) there is a subconscious element to it. It’s not just following a predefined command, when I see her make that gesture I want to kneel there for her and there is a certain amount of compulsion for me to comply.
Anyway, this is all background and not the point of this post. The reason I went off on this tangent is to demonstrate that I, the neural pathways that constitute the Lois personality, cannot always be held responsible for my actions and therefore it is not my fault that I was awoken on Saturday morning by my own moans with two fingers pushed inside my dripping wet pussy!
Mistress was well and truly awake, propped up on her elbow and had been watching my unconscious masturbation for several minutes when I started to come around (pun intended!). Her first words to me that morning were “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”, which sounds mean but she did have a huge grin on her face when she said it.
I quickly pulled my hand out from under my slip but didn’t know what to do with it, my fingers were coated in juices. Mistress grabbed my hand and wiped my fingers over my face and then she jumped out of bed still holding my wrist and pulling me across it until I almost fell onto the floor out of her side.
I managed to get my feet on the floor and she pulled me around to the foot of the bed and bent me over to lean on it, I knew what was coming and in the hope of winning some favour I reached back and lifted my slip over my ass. This is Mistresses favourite punishment caning position.
In case you weren’t aware I have a bit of a masochist streak so getting whipped, cropped, paddled, flogged and caned isn’t usually an effective punishment or deterrent for me, In fact in less disciplined times I may have intentionally earned such “punishments” however they have usually started with maybe some flogging, then a few paddles and then once I’m warmed up the hot sting of the cane.
Mistresses punishment canings are somewhat different in that they begin with twenty or so full forced swats to my unprepared ass and then end. Whilst I’m usually wet when she’s finished (I refer you back to my opening statement regarding my bodies constant betrayals) they are definitely a punishment and neither the act itself nor trying to sit down at any point in the following few hours is enjoyable…….well maybe a tiny bit! Sssshhhh!
So my Saturday started with a bang, twenty bangs, but then the whole incident seemed to be forgotten. Mistress and I went to Miss Hannah’s house that evening (I may write about that later) and then had quite a relaxing Sunday. However that evening I learn the real punishment for my transgressions.
Mistress claims that this isn’t a punishment but rather an aid to assist in my training to be a better submissive and to control my “wanton sluttiness” better. Every night since Sunday at 10pm I have been locked in my chastity belt until 7am the next morning.
Apparently I have put on a little weight (although I am still within the narrow weight guidelines that Mistress has prescribed for me) because the belt feels quite tight, especially around my pussy which feels sort of “squashed” when I have the belt on. This is a custom-made, very effective chastity belt so it definitely preventing my wandering fingers in the night but it certainly doesn’t allow a comfortable sleep.
Mistress says that if I’m good I will only have to wear it a week but if “the issue” recurs then “we” might need to look at a longer term solution. She left it at that which kind of scares the crap out of me and leaves me massively turned on to be honest!
So, to you the jury, can I honestly be held responsible for the actions of my so-called subconscious? Is it really me who is culpable for the nocturnal masturbation’s of my unconscious body? Or should these charges be thrown out with prejudice?