So that happened!

Engagement

I was really excited last night because Mistress was taking me out for a fancy meal and then we were meeting my sister and friends for some drinks. I knew Mistress had got me a present but it turned out to be something I was definitely NOT expecting!

After we’d eaten the main course, me with my dress arranged so that my naked ass was on the seat as per Mistresses instructions, she stood up looking nervous. I was very confused and my heart started racing because I had no idea what was happening, then she came around the table and knelt in front of me and produced a ring.

I was crying immediately put my hands over my mouth as she said (I’m going to paraphrase a little here as I can’t remember the exact words:

“Lois, you’ve turned my life upside down and I love you for it. You are a beautiful and amazing person and I want to spend my life with you, will you marry me…please.”

I just blurted out “YES!” and wrapped my arms around her and we hugged for what felt like ages until I realised that EVERYONE was staring at us and then they all started to clap and I was so embarrassed and turned bright red. Tears were running down my cheeks as she slid the ring onto my finger and then handed me another identical ring and held out her own finger.

As we sat and waited for our dessert various people at the tables around us congratulated us and it felt like we were the subject of everyone’s conversations, Miss said “Maybe I should have waited until after desert!” and I laughed, probably too loudly!

We held hands basically the whole rest of the meal and I felt like my chest was going to explode with happiness! I know that sounds cheesy but that’s how I felt, and still feel now! Mistress told me that she’d chosen identical rings for us to show that we are completely equal in this……MARRIAGE(!) even if I belong to her.

We left the restaurant and headed to the bar to meet everyone and they all cheered when we walked in and my mum was there too!! Mistress had asked my mum if she could marry me, how adorable is that?! My mum, sister and Miss Hannah all knew she was going to propose to me, only Emma (Miss Hannah’s sub) was surprised at what the big event was.

So now we have to plan a wedding!! How crazy is that?

Shopping

Shopping

FakeI know I have been quiet the last couple of weeks, sometimes the work/life/blog balance gets skewed a little. First of all though, let’s get something out of the way, recently I was made aware of a photoshopped picture of myself and HitMeHarrder (right) that had been posted on Tumblr and I’d like to say something to the person who made it; It is not flattering, cool, funny or clever to do this. It is creepy, stalkerish and definitely not appreciated by either of us so please desist from this sort of activity and keep those fantasies in your head where they belong from now on.

This sort of thing is the reason I was always reluctant to share images of myself online and the reason I am still deciding whether to pull down any pictures that I have up at the moment. It freaks me out that someone has gone to the time and effort of making this even though it isn’t even a great fake.

Anyway, enough of that…

I used to buy all of my own clothes or rather I should say I used to choose all of my own clothes, I still but them now but I only get to express my opinion not to make the ultimate decision on what I buy.

Recently Mistress and I went on a shopping trip as I needed a few things, we went into the large store and both browsed and picked up a few things before heading to the changing rooms for me to try things on. They don’t ordinarily allow a “friend” to join you in the changing room but Mistress spoke to the attendant and they let her come in with me, I have no idea what she said.

The first thing Mistress does in this situation is to take a large garment, that she has picked up specifically for this purpose, and hang it over the mirror so that I cannot look at myself in the clothes, then I start to try things on.Depending on how busy it is in the changing rooms Mistress will stand outside with the curtain open or closed and wait as I try each item on and show her. As I can’t really see myself properly in the clothes this part is all her decision and she has me turn around and walk around in things, it makes me feel like a child and if other people are there feel quite self-conscious but Mistress doesn’t seem to notice anyone else.

Ordinarily, or I suppose previously as this is my new ordinary, I would only get a few items and to try on. I enjoy shopping but wouldn’t usually try a lot of items on in a store like Mistress has me do.

In one particularly quiet store Mistress was watching me change with the curtain open when the attendant appeared with a dress in a different size, I hadn’t even realised Mistress had sent her for one and could do nothing but blush and smile at the girl as I stood there covering my boobs and wearing only my knickers! The girl also looked a bit embarrassed, the first time, however Mistress kept asking her for things and she kept returning and seeing me in various states of undress and after a while seemed oblivious to what she saw of me. I only realised later that I had large yellow bruises on the back of my thighs!

For those that are interested, here are the clothes that I got that day. Chosen by Mistress, bought by me.

A while ago I described an event where I woke up masturbating and asked you to vote on if you thought I could be held responsible for this. Unsuprising “you” did hold e accountable but I was actually quite surprised that only 75% of you felt that way, so thank you to the other 25%. It did spark some interesting debate on the matter which was fun!

Finally, someone suggested that, as we are just about a quarter of the way through the year I should give you an update on how I am doing with my goals so here we go:

  • Submit to a permanent body modification of my choosing.
    Complete
  • Spend four weeks in chastity.
    Not Started
  • Contact and make peace with the person who caused her to leave London.
    In Progress, I will write about this soon
  • Give an orgasm to 52 people that she hadn’t met before 2018.
    On Target, current count is 18
  • Speak to her mother every other day.
    On Target, this is just routine at this point
  • Achieve an average daily views count of 500 on this blog.
    On Target, but dangerously close as current average is 525
  • Buy a new house with me (Mistress).
    In Progress
  • Have her septum pierced.
    Not Started
  • Experience Domming a submissive.
    Not Started
  • Achieve two of her fantasies.
    Not Started
  • Fully expose her lifestyle to at least one person who has known her in real life for more than five years.
    Not Started
  • Exceed her current “most painful torture”.
    In Progress, Mistress is working on building my pain threshold

If you wish me to expand on any of these points above please let me know in the comments and I will do so.

Arguing with a Domme

Arguing2

Couples argue, it’s part of being in a relationship, I mean if you got along ALL of the time it would be boring. Those aren’t my words, they’re the words of a vanilla friend who’d fallen out with her boyfriend over something and nothing but I completely agree with her, arguments happen.

However I’m not in a vanilla relationship and if you were to go by some of the more misogynistic opinions on my Tumblr feed then my opinion, as a sub and even as a woman, doesn’t matter in the slightest. That’s fantasy though, I live in the real world.

In the real world I have a high stress job where I have to make decisions all day and my opinion is not only important but is sought by those beneath and above me in the company structure. All of which is sort of irrelevant because I’m not a submissive at work, I’m a submissive at home.

At home I’m subservient in nearly every way to my Mistress, she chooses what I wear, what I eat, what I buy and where I sleep. She chooses who I fuck! When you list it out like that it makes me sound like a mindless zombie just following orders and not thinking for myself but that’s also not true, I don’t just turn off my intelligence and opinions at the front door, it would drive me insane if my opinion was never considered when decisions are made that effect me.

One of the things I love about my Mistress is that she always listens to my opinion, I get to have an input on most things because she values my opinion and in fact she has told me on more than one occasion that my intelligence is one of the things that she finds most attractive about me. At the end of the day Mistress is the one who makes the decisions but the fact that I’ve had an input is important, I don’t think I could be with someone who wanted to run my life for me unilaterally despite how appealing it may sound as a fantasy.

I feel I got sidetracked! The point of the post is that despite our dynamic it’s not all me following orders and her telling me what to do and what to think. Tonight, we had both had a challenging day at work and were a bit…tetchy, a small thing set us off. I was making our evening meal when she came in and poured herself some orange juice and left the bottle on the side, I picked it up and put it back before somewhat vigorously closing the fridge door and things escalated a bit from there.

Was it an overreaction caused by being tired? Probably. Was it unreasonable for me to expect her to put the bottle away rather than making more work for me (the person who tidies the whole house)? No (Her words). Did we both react badly and say unnecessary things? Yes. Did I get caned afterwards? Yes, but not for arguing, that was mutual and Mistress would never punish me for raising an issue with her, the caning was for “slamming the fridge door like a petulant child” or in other words, for being disrespectful to my Mistress. Which is fair enough, my discomfort when sitting today will hopefully pop back into my mind when I feel the need to act that way again.

This is a meandering rant of a post so for that I apologise. I think the point I am trying to make is that whilst we have a slightly less common dynamic than is “normal” and the balance of authority is asymmetrical, we are still a normal couple with equal importance and meaning in the relationship, I think that is something that is often lost amongst all of the bluster and fantasy of D/s relationships.

 

Updates

Updates

A few updates, firstly about this site. The eagle eyed amongst you will have noticed that I have my own domain for the blog now. I used to have a wordpress blog before this one but ended up deleting it, it was painslutlois.wordpress.com and when I restarted blogging back in 2012 I wanted that back but once its been used and deleted you can’t get it back from wordpress so I ended up using secretsubslut.wordpress.com which has served me well.

However, now that I have targets I am trying to make my blog a little more visible and attract more readers to check it out. To that end I upgraded wordpress and got myself a new domain name, www.painslutlois.com, I’ve no idea if it will help me get more readers, time will tell I guess but hopefully it will help.

I’ve also added a search to the site so that if you’re looking for some old content I posted it should be easier to find, a couple of people have asked about it and now you have it!

Secondly life updates, I am back fully at work now and busy although thankfully it doesn’t look as if I’ll need to go back to the states for the moment. Mistress is continuing with her love of ruined orgasms and despite having an amazing one on Saturday I am already desperately frustrated and horny.

On Saturday Mistress took me to watch the The Last Jedi and we played a little game, I wore my lush vibrator and every time Rey came on screen she turned it on full, only turning it off when her scene finished. It was great fun trying to stay outwardly calm whilst my pussy went crazy and I was super horny by the end!

That’s all for now, I’ll write something more interesting as soon as I can x

Goals – part one

51660F61-0784-4916-90ED-1CE9C75BF66A

Everybody should have goals but submissives in particular need them in my opinion, and I don’t just mean BDSM related goals despite that being the focus here. Submissives have, at their core, a fundamental need to please people, the feeling they get from doing that drives them even if they don’t know it. Achieving a goal, even one set by themselves can elicit similar feelings, as it can in non-submissive people.

Lois has many vanilla goals which have driven her to success academically and career-wise, she is a very self driven person in that respect. However, this has often been at the expense of her person life, relationships and health.

Specifically regarding her BDSM “career”, for want of a better word, those of you who have followed her for a long time will no doubt have noticed that when she is single she loses all focus and randomly flits between different BDSM activities often escalating into more extreme, taboo and dangerous areas the longer she is without direction. For examples see her posts immediately prior to our relationship.

In my opinion she has grown as a submissive and as a person under my guidance over the last year and I fully intend to continue this throughout 2018. To this end we have agreed twelve goals that she is to achieve before the end of the year. It isn’t one a month and there is no order to them, she simply must achieve them all this year.

  • Submit to a permanent body modification of my choosing.
  • Spend four weeks in chastity.
  • Contact and make peace with the person who caused her to leave London.
  • Give an orgasm to 52 people that she hadn’t met before 2018.
  • Speak to her mother every other day.
  • Achieve an average daily views count of 500 on this blog.
  • Buy a new house with me.
  • Have her septum pierced.
  • Experience Domming a submissive.
  • Achieve two of her fantasies.
  • Fully expose her lifestyle to at least one person who has known her in real life for more than five years.
  • Exceed her current “most painful torture”.

Some of these are more person goals, for instance her mother asked me to try to get her to call more so that will be one of my goals achieved as well. Others are for her personal growth and obviously there are some fun sex ones too. I think you’ll agree it is a well-rounded set of goals for Lois and that those of your who comment or speak with her will encourage her to achieve them.

Perfect surprise

Hands

As you know I am currently in New York for work and have been here for about two months at this point. At first it was exciting, I love cities and this city in particular (it’s not the first time I’ve stayed here for work) but after this long of being on your own it just becomes lonely.

I talk to Mistress daily, obviously, and we have had some fun with the vibrating egg and plug that she sent back with me last time I was home. Those of you who follow me on Tumblr will have seen the effect she can have on me even from across the Atlantic.

The story behind that picture is that she had been torturing me with both plugs set to full for an hour and I was dripping wet and desperate to cum, that’s when I sent that snap to her, two hours later when I still wasn’t allowed to cum I was a drippy shaking mess begging for some relief that she never gave me, not that day anyway!

Anyway, last Friday night I was sitting in my apartment reading, dutifully plugged and waiting for Mistress to contact me, she had told me she would be unavailable for a few hours, when there was a knock at the door. No one has ever knocked at the door so it was a little bit of a surprise but I got up and went to open it.

I’m sure you’ve guessed who it was! I involuntarily burst into tears and they my arms around Mistress forgetting any pretence self-control and she hugged me back just as tightly until finally she pulled my arms from around her and led me back into the apartment.

That night we ate take away food, drank a couple of bottles of wine and had some amazing, passionate but fairly vanilla (for us!) sex and it was the happiest I’d been in weeks!

I won’t go into loads of detail about what we spent the weekend doing, we did a few of the touristy things together and quite a significant amount of shopping. Mistress had fun making me try on outfit after outfit until she found things she liked me in, I of course had no say in what I ended up buying!

The whole time we were out I was wearing both my vibrating egg and plug and she would set them off at random. At least it was random to me, to Mistress I’m quite certain each one was meticulously planned. For instance when I was paying for some items and talking to the checkout person and all of a sudden both vibes went to full speed. Or when I went to the bathroom in a restaurant and was just about to pee when the egg turned on!

One thing I really loved was walking around Manhattan hand in hand with Mistress, kissing her and hugging and no one batting an eyelid. We do walk around holding hands and things at home and most people don’t make any indication they have noticed but there are always a few second glances or whispered “look, they’re lesbians” comments, no one even noticed here. Another thing I love about big cities like New York and London.

Whilst I’ve been here I’ve obviously not played and have certainly not had any pain inflicted on me and Mistress doesn’t want my pain to start going backwards again so on Sunday she used some rope that she had bought and we found somewhere in the apartment where I could have my arms tied above my head.

She’d brought some toys with her and I happily took the ball gag into my mouth as I stood there naked, arms bound, helpless for my Mistress. She started with a flogger, warming the backs of my thighs, my ass, my breasts and finally, after ordering me to spread my legs, my pussy.

Once everywhere was nice and pink she took out her cane. Mistress has a black wooden cane that is her favourite, I’m not sure what type of wood it is but it is a long, smooth black wooden cane with no handle or anything, just a simple cane. She started on my ass with some firm, painful but not severe strikes spaced about an inch apart and then continued down the back of my thighs.

Each swat left a stinging red line where it hit and she gave me just enough time in between for the pain to register before the next one landed. After my rear was nicely marked she pushed her hand between my legs and found it as you would expect, very wet. She smiled, I blushed, then she put her other hand between her own legs and showed me her equally wet fingers before wiping them over my lips.

I watched her smiling eyes as used the cane to stripe my chest, being careful to strike both of them equally with each swat and causing a particularly wide-eyed squeal from me when she hit directly on my nipples and, with my piercings preventing the cane hitting any more flesh, my nipples exploded in pain.

Round two started on my ass again, this time she definitely upped the severity of the impacts and I had to bite down on the gag as I took the pain of each hit. The one which struck at the crease between my ass cheeks and thighs was particularly painful and very uncomfortable for a good few days afterwards. By the time she got back to my breasts she was really in her stride and I watched my drool soaked breasts as she raised angry red welts across them.

The pain was intense and when tears were flowing when she let me down and I fell into her arms. She took me to the bed, sitting me on the end and then pushing me down onto it. She stood back up and said “spread”. Obviously I knew what was coming and it took quite a bit of willpower to open my legs and watch as she lined up the cane and brought it down in a swift flick striking my pussy lip hard. I couldn’t keep my legs from shooting together as I screamed into the gag but she just waited patiently while I recovered my composure and opened them again. When my legs went together again after she caned my other pussy lip I could already feel them beginning to swell up.

She let me lay on the bed for a little while and then she unbuckled and removed my ball gag, quickly replacing it with a dildo gag. This gag has a small cock shaped mouth piece that goes fairly deep into my mouth and then it has a three strap harness that goes around my head. Protruding from the front is a large, thick dildo.

With it in place Mistress straddled my head and I could see there was no lube needed as I felt pressure in my mouth and watched her beautiful pussy open around the dildo and slide down until her lips touched mine. She fucked my face for at least ten minutes, slapping my hands whenever they wondered up her thighs until eventually she pushed deep onto the dildo until she was smothering me whilst her pussy pulsed on my face as she came.

When she removed the gag she reversed it so I could lick it clean before discarding it, my face was covered in her juices, my hair was wet with it and my mouth and nose were full of her taste and scent, it was amazing. She manoeuvred my body until we could slide our pussies together and then she began to grind into me slowly. She slapped my ass whenever I tried to reciprocate, she wanted to be in control and she made it last until I was begging her to let me cum, when she did it was explosive!

On the Monday we didn’t do much, there was an attempted terrorist attack in the city and it put us off travelling to far. Eventually we travelled to the airport together and I said a quite tearful goodbye before travelling back to my apartment which seemed emptier than ever.

The good news is that I am going home tomorrow and it looks like I won’t need to come back so yay!!

Finally, to everyone who took part in the present for my lovely friend HitMeHarrder, thank you. And to everyone that I didn’t manage to invite, my apologies!

Merry Christmas everyone xx

Hindsight

Friends

When I was in my second year at University (College to any US readers) I was a very different person. For a start I was straight (or thought I was) and was really quite vanilla. It wasn’t long since I’d had my nipples pierced for the first time which was the event that awakened my masochism, you can read about that elsewhere on this blog.

I was much like any other girl at university really, studying, having fun and making friends whilst living in halls. Then in my second year I lived in a flat with two other girls who I’d met in the first year and this is the time I wanted to talk about in this post. The reason is, whilst I didn’t think much of it at the time or for years afterwards, I have recently come to realise that it was my first experience of dominance.

It wasn’t like this before we moved in together but a dynamic gradually built in the days and weeks after the first term started. One of the other girls I was living with, I’ll call her Christine, started to ask me to do things. It was small things like to make a coffee in the morning when she got up or to get her something from the shops while I was out but she never asked the other girl we lived with or our other friends, it was always me.

I kind of liked it, it made me feel like I was her “best” friend and the one she relied on for things. Being young, that was important to me especially as Christine was the prettiest and most popular of our group. As time went on some of these things became routine, for example I was always up before her and made her a coffee and brought it into her room without being asked, at first she thanked me but then she stopped and we both just accepted the routine.

After a few weeks, rather than asking me to get things while I was out she started leaving me little shopping lists, she would go into my room when I was out or even when I was in the shower and leave them on my bed. Despite the agreed rule that we didn’t go into each others rooms without permission this didn’t really apply to her and my room, or to me and her room because I often went in to her room to drop off the things I’d bought for her.

One time I was heading to the laundry room to do my washing and she saw me, she said something along the lines of “Oh would you be a darling and throw some of my things in with yours?”, I said I would and she said to grab them off the floor in her room then she left. I went back to her room and found her laundry basket almost empty and dirty clothes all over the place on the floor. I remember feeling like I should be annoyed but really not being and instead just going round picking up her dirty clothes and underwear (she was a bit of a messy person!) and then taking them to wash with mine. I washed, dried and folded them all before leaving them on the end of her bed. Again, after a few times of asking me to do her washing it became routine, she stopped asking and I just collected her stuff when I did my own.

I honestly didn’t think much about this, we were really good friends and spent most of our free time together and I didn’t mind doing a few chores for her, that’s what friends are for isn’t it? It wasn’t until nearly Christmas that the other girl who lived with us mentioned it when we were alone, she asked if it bothered me that Christine had me doing all of her chores but never did anything for me. I found myself playing how much I did for her down, “It’s only a few things for a friend, I don’t mind helping her, she’s not good with the domestic stuff is she?”. In hindsight I knew she was right but put it out of my mind, I think subconsciously I didn’t want to answer the question of WHY I didn’t mind it.

Remember I was entirely straight at this point in my life, I’d never had any experiences with other girls and didn’t know much about BDSM, I was at the very beginning of finding out about it all. I was also desperate to be “normal”, I’d discovered that I liked pain and that it turned me on but I didn’t want to be that way. Being “normal” was very important to me at this time in my life.

This all continued after Christmas, we hung out a lot and it was completely normal except that I did everything for us. Made the drinks, fetched duvets for us to lay under while watching movies, whatever needed doing I did it but it was purely platonic.

Then Christine started to get a little, well, slutty! She discovered that she liked all the attention she got from guys and started to have some fun with it and when I say “some” I mean “a lot”! There was a student night at a local club and we went every week and most weeks she picked up a guy to bring back to the flat.

The thing is, she didn’t just pick up guys for her. The first time it happened the guy she was chatting up had a friend, he didn’t want to leave his friend and Christine basically guilt tripped me into chatting to his friend so that we could all go home and she could fuck the guy, I ended up drunkenly giving his friend a blow job.

Over the next few months this also became routine, her choosing a guy on a night out and then choosing one for me too. This is the part that I really should have thought was strange at the time, no one else picked up on it because no one else knew except me and her that she was basically choosing men for me and I was going along with it whether I was attracted to the guy or not.

This only went on for a few months and then she seemed to realise that she was sleeping with too many guys and calmed down a bit, which meant my sex life also went back to normal!

One time whilst I was retrieving her dirty laundry from her bedroom floor I found a vibrator under her bed. Of course I had my own vibrator but mine was a tiny bullet one, hers was a rabbit style one and looked huge to me! I took it out and looked at it, put my hand around its girth to see how big it felt, I was definitely wet thinking about it being used. Then I heard a noise and, jumping, I spun around to face the door but there was no one there. I returned the vibrator to it’s place under the bed and left her room.

On my birthday a month later she gave me a lovely bracelet but when I went to bed that night there was an extra package on my bed, it was a rabbit vibrator just like hers. We never discussed it, she never as much as gave me a knowing smile, but we both knew she’d caught me with hers and we both knew what we got up to in our rooms on our own at night!

The following year we lived in a house with three other girls and although I think Christine tried to keep me doing her chores the other girls wouldn’t have it, they called her lazy and despite me saying I didn’t mind they wouldn’t allow me to do as much for her and we ended up becoming less close, still friends in the same group but not as much of a “group within a group”. We kept in touch after I left university but I never spoke with her again after I left London.

I hadn’t thought about her in many years until Mistress and I were talking when I was at home last week. I’d never considered that time to be anything more than girls living together at university but in hindsight I think she basically Domme’d me, but without any sexual element. She had me wrapped around her little finger and I would have done pretty much anything for her and we were both perfectly happy with it. I don’t think she did it intentionally, I think she was naturally dominant and I was naturally submissive and we just fell into it with each other. I do wonder where she is now and whether she ever got into the lifestyle like I have.

This all came as a bit of a revelation to me recently so I thought I’d share it on here with you all, I hope you enjoy learning a little bit more about my past and what makes me the woman I am today!