Orgasms

Orgasms

I see a lot of things on Lois’ tumblr about female orgasm denial. Some of it is valid and some of it is complete nonsense so I wanted to attempt to explain why I initiated my subs current orgasm regime. Some of this Lois is aware of but other parts may be news to her too.

As I’ve mentioned before, and this is definitely not news to her, Lois had completely unlearned anything that she had previously learn about being a submissive. It was in her, I knew that the first time we met but she was undisciplined and far too focussed on her own pleasure than anyone who calls themselves a submissive should be.

It wasn’t entirely her fault I don’t suppose, she had been single for a long time and I think it is hard for a person to maintain what I would call “proper discipline” whilst single and playing with various different people who often are merely playing at being a Dominant themselves.

Let me just stop her to clarify something, being a submissive has nothing to do with being a masochist. Yes often the two often go hand in hand but this is definitely not always the case. Lois happens to be both but the two should not be confused or interchanged, being a masochist means that you enjoy pain, you get pleasure from it in the moment. I myself have enjoyed receiving pain on occasion but I am not even slightly submissive (and yes I have tried and proved this point). Being a submissive is, in my opinion, a deeper calling somewhat akin to a vocation. She IS a submissive and gets deep fulfillment (not pleasure but fulfillment) from submitting to another person and giving that other person what they want.

Whilst I understood the reasons for Lois’ seeming lack of training when we met I wasn’t about to just live with it and so I instigated various rules for her to follow, some had good reasons and others were just to keep her int he mindset that she is not just free to do whatever she wanted anymore. The majority of her free time, her mind and her body now belonged to me which included one particular aspect, orgasms.

Lois has quite a high sex drive and up until we met she was masturbating twice a day, literally twice every single day. Once when she woke up before she got out of bed and once just before she went to sleep. And that doesn’t even count any ad-hoc little adventures she had whilst watching porn or doing whatever with random people. That is a lot in my opinion, especially for a sub and I wasn’t about to let it continue.

I know she has talked about this on here before but I will reiterate what the “regime” that I am referring to entails, the easiest way being to quote our agreement:

([The submissive] is Lois and [the dominant] myself, obviously)

[The submissive] is not entitled to orgasmic release without the express permission of [the dominant] or a third party to whom [the dominant] has granted authority to give permission. [The submissive], with the guidance of [the dominant], will take steps to gain control of her orgasmic release and accidental release will incure a severe punishment of [the dominants] choosing.

[The submissive] will submit to a daily orgasm without release (aka ruined orgasm) to be facilitated by [the dominant].

[The submissive] is entitled to one orgasmic release per seven day period at a time and place of [the dominants] choosing.

[The dominant] has the authority to grant or order orgasmic release at their discretion.

In summary, I tell her when and where she can cum and if she does it without permission I will make sure she regrets it enough to learn to obey her rules.

To understand why I put together the regime of daily ruins with one weekly release you need to understand how men and women differ and why simple chastity is less effective in women than it is in men. The following is what I understand of it and is not necessarily 100% scientifically accurate but it fits with what I have seen in my many years as a Domme to people of various sexual identities.

When you prevent a man from having an orgasm for a long period of time it tends to make him more horny, he begins to see sexual opportunity wherever he goes and often attempts to act on those “opportunities” or, if unable to due to a chastity device for instance, becomes very frustrated which is obviously fun thing to inflict on a sub.

With women, if they don’t orgasm for a long time their sex drive tends to wain and they just become less and less interested in sex which is why a vibrator is a single girl’s best friend. So unless you want to turn your sexy sub girl into a dull housewife then long term chastity is not really the way to go in my opinion.

The way a ruined orgasm works is that you stimulate the persons cock or pussy until their orgasm begins and then cease all stimulation immediately. This is easier to achieve in men because there are more physical signs that it’s time to move your hand, with women I think you need to either be doing it to yourself or know the person pretty well to know when to stop.

I’ve seen a man’s cock jerking around in mid air and not even able to ejaculate from a ruined orgasm which I’m assured is very frustrating and I’ve experienced my own “ruin” and felt the disappointment as my pussy clenched around nothing, going through the physical motions of an orgasm without the wave of pleasure that usually accompanies it, again, frustrating, I won’t be doing that again!

As I mentioned Lois’ sex drive was already very high but I wanted it higher and I wanted it mostly unfulfilled and the daily ruined orgasms are the perfect tool for the job. The build up gets her super turned on and literally dripping wet to the point she now kneels on a tiled floor in the bathroom for it so that the carpet doesn’t get ruined along with her orgasm. In the early days she used to moan and make angry noises when I stopped but these days she takes it with dignity often taking the frustration by digging her nails into her hands or biting her lip.

When it’s done she is simply more horny than she was before and more sexually frustrated and so it goes on until the weekend when I have a sexually supercharged sub on my hands to play with. There is no downside for me.

Lois has described it as like eating your favourite meal every day but never being full which I think is a nice analogy. and a good way for her to feel. We wouldn’t want a sexually satisfied submissive would we?

I hope you find this interesting and hope you discuss it in the comments, I will happily join in if you want to provide your own perspective whether in agreement or disagreement with my own. I know Lois is struggling to find time to write at the moment so hopefully this will be a sufficient filler until she can get back to it.

Engagement

Engagement2

I just wanted to write a short post to say how happy I am that Lois accepted my proposal of marriage.

Our relationship started out on rocky ground as has been well documented here on her blog but has grown into something much more than I think either of us ever intended or expected. Each of us has grown because of the other and I don’t think either of us can now imagine being without the other.

Yes, she is submissive and I am her Domme, she belongs to me and obeys me and all of that, but she is also my partner and my soul mate and I love her dearly and cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with her.

So thank you Lois, for making me the happiest Domme alive and for just being you.

Newton’s third law

Wasabi

Yesterday afternoon I received a text message from Lois containing a link to a video of a restrained girl having wasabi put inside her nostrils, the rest of the video is basically her suffering whilst being taunted by the dominant girl who did it to her.

I sometimes wonder what possesses subs, and in particular Lois, to send me things of this nature. Is it not obvious that my first thought is going to be that she is suggesting I do the same to her? And if that is so would that not be considered topping from the bottom?

Lois claimed, after the fact, that she definitely had not been suggesting I do this to her and only sent it because she thought I would enjoy it. Either way, I told her to purchase some wasabi on the way home from work.

In researching this after the fact I’ve discovered that wasabi reacts with the mucus in your nasal passages rather than with your tongue and it is quite a severe reaction. Neither I nor Lois like it so neither of us have had much interaction with it but the burning in your nose even when you just smell it is noticeable.

When she arrived home I changed her day collar for her leather one and then sent her to get changed and whilst she was gone I retrieved some items to restrain her. She arrived back a few minutes later wearing a blue vest top and some jeans that her ass looks particularly fetching in.

After getting her wrists cuffed I used a carabiner to fasten her wrists to a high up cupboard door in the kitchen, then I strapped her favourite ball gag in her mouth as I expected her to be quite vocal about this. Just before the gag went in she looked at me and said “please don’t” and her faced told me she genuinely didn’t want to do this so after inserting the gag and strapping it shut I kissed her head and said “do it for me?” and she nodded.

The effect of the wasabi was quite immediate, I didn’t even put much in each nostril but her eyes were instantly wide and she started making a strange noise through her gag. Similarly to in the video (which you can find by search for (Rain DeGrey wasabi by the way) she started to flap her hands around although she couldn’t move them much. Her cheeks started to go pink and her eyes started to tear up and then when she screwed them shut the tears ran down her cheeks.

I’m going to leave a space here where Lois can write how she was feeling at this time…

This is not an enjoyable sort of pain despite my pussy’s betrayal! I think I was wet because I was being forced to endure it rather than because of the pain but really who knows what goes on in my crazy brain!

That stuff is horrible to eat and much much worse to have up your nose, it burns all the way up into your nasal passage and stings your eyes, it’s a horrible sensation. All I wanted was to get it out of my nose but I was completely hopeless to achieve that.

I could also taste the disgusting stuff for over an hour afterwards and it completely ruined the nice pasta that I made for us. However I did thank Mistress for putting me through this trial as everything she has me do makes me stronger and a better sub.

I watched her intently for about ten minutes as she switched between almost hanging from her cuffs and drooling on the floor to flailing around and trying to blow her nose clear. It was almost as if the burning was coming in almost unbearable waves.

Eventually I took pity on her and let her down but before I did I reached down the front of her jeans, predictably she was very wet.

She looked a bit of a mess when I let her down, tears, snot and makeup streaked her face and she’d drooled all over herself but I still pulled her into me, held her tight and told her how amazing she is before sending her to clean herself up, I also needed to change my top!

Goals – part one

51660F61-0784-4916-90ED-1CE9C75BF66A

Everybody should have goals but submissives in particular need them in my opinion, and I don’t just mean BDSM related goals despite that being the focus here. Submissives have, at their core, a fundamental need to please people, the feeling they get from doing that drives them even if they don’t know it. Achieving a goal, even one set by themselves can elicit similar feelings, as it can in non-submissive people.

Lois has many vanilla goals which have driven her to success academically and career-wise, she is a very self driven person in that respect. However, this has often been at the expense of her person life, relationships and health.

Specifically regarding her BDSM “career”, for want of a better word, those of you who have followed her for a long time will no doubt have noticed that when she is single she loses all focus and randomly flits between different BDSM activities often escalating into more extreme, taboo and dangerous areas the longer she is without direction. For examples see her posts immediately prior to our relationship.

In my opinion she has grown as a submissive and as a person under my guidance over the last year and I fully intend to continue this throughout 2018. To this end we have agreed twelve goals that she is to achieve before the end of the year. It isn’t one a month and there is no order to them, she simply must achieve them all this year.

  • Submit to a permanent body modification of my choosing.
  • Spend four weeks in chastity.
  • Contact and make peace with the person who caused her to leave London.
  • Give an orgasm to 52 people that she hadn’t met before 2018.
  • Speak to her mother every other day.
  • Achieve an average daily views count of 500 on this blog.
  • Buy a new house with me.
  • Have her septum pierced.
  • Experience Domming a submissive.
  • Achieve two of her fantasies.
  • Fully expose her lifestyle to at least one person who has known her in real life for more than five years.
  • Exceed her current “most painful torture”.

Some of these are more person goals, for instance her mother asked me to try to get her to call more so that will be one of my goals achieved as well. Others are for her personal growth and obviously there are some fun sex ones too. I think you’ll agree it is a well-rounded set of goals for Lois and that those of your who comment or speak with her will encourage her to achieve them.

Another point of view

CheekKiss

I met my sub under quite unusual circumstances, I’d been following her exploits for some time via this blog and also through a mutual acquaintance, Hannah. Lois and Hannah knew each other as subs a long time ago but drifted apart after Lois parted ways with her then partner. I met Hannah during that time when she was just starting to switch and have been friends with her through her transformation into a Domme.

My interest in Lois was always fairly detached, I enjoyed reading about her exploits but nothing really more than that and then she sort of dropped off my radar when she broke up with her previous Domme (Kayleigh) and stopped writing as much.

I think at some point during that time she reconnected with Hannah and played with her a bit which in turn brought her back to my attention through my conversations with Hannah.

My opinion of Lois at that time in her life is that she was, without wanting to be cruel, broken. She was running around looking for something to fill the void she was left with when she split with Kayleigh without ever dealing with the hurt she felt from it. She’d either play with anyone who offered her a distraction from her own thoughts, irrelevent of whether she got anything from it or she would bury herself in work to the point that it made her ill. I saw an amazing woman, an amazing masochist going completely to waste and in dire need of control and direction.

That might all seem harsh but if you ask her she will agree, she calls it “spiraling”. She sought crazier and more extreme play as a way to keep “happiness” in her life when she couldn’t find it where she really wanted to. People like Lois, submissive and masochistic people, put a huge amount of trust in another person when they submit to them, they literally give their body to them and usually their heart and soul as well. The break up with Kayleigh was devastating for Lois in a way that I don’t think most people can really understand.

I have spoken with Kayleigh since taking Lois and in her defence, she was young and naive, she didn’t know what she had, she was overwhelmed trying to give Lois what she wanted and to grow herself as a person and she basically ran away. She didn’t realise the profound effect it would have on Lois over the following years. I’m not defending her actions but her own struggles do deserve some consideration.

Anyway, I’ve got completely off track, I am not such an acomplished writer as my sub is.

Through talking to Hannah and following Lois’ blog I began to become more fascinated with Lois and ideas began to form in my head about how I would guide her and train her. How I could harness her masochism and submissiveness to my own will and I have to admit I had a fair few interesting dreams about her.

Eventually I spoke with Hannah about my interest in Lois, it had got to a point that I wanted to play with her. We hatched a plan.

I like to mess with a subs head, it’s not just about the physical for me, I like to ilicit the most extreme emotions in them when I play with them. Lois wrote about the time I made her think I was going to nail her hands to a board. I barely touched her through that whole scene but when I held her afterwards she was shaking uncontrollably, she was in floods of tears and clinging to me like a child. She confessed afterwards she’d experienced a tsunami of emotions at the moment that I’d pulled her into my arms. I loved creating that huge physical and mental reaction in her, and, she asks to borrow my shoes now!

The meeting was carefully orchastrated, I knew of Lois’ plans to have a self torture session in her shed just like everyone else as she had posted all about it on her blog. What Lois likes about self bondage, the way she does it, is the inescapability of it. She has invested a lot of thought in crafting scenarios that are inevitable and I think that is very brave, and possibly foolish! Anyway, I knew she would be locked in a place that I could get to, she would be horny, vunerable and her senses would be hightened.

I sat in my car and watched Lois arrive home from work, looking every bit the normal business woman. When she went inside I moved up to park across from her house where I could see down the side and, vaguely, see her shed. I was wearing all black tight fitting clothes, I’m sure I looked like a burgler or something, it’s fortunate she has no nosey neighbours! I watched as she went to the shed and then returned to the house, then took forever before returning to the shed in a dressing gown.

I left my car and slipped down the side of her house and, as quietly as possible, through the gate and waited in the shadows being careful to position myself so that I wouldn’t be seen if she came back out of the shed. In doing so I was conscious that I was visible from the road, sneaking around is harder work than it looks.

I needed to give her plenty of time get settled into her self bondage scene, it was important for my own plan that she was incapacitated and most importantly blindfolded, before I made my move so once I was sure she was definitely starting I returned to my car and left her to it.

I drove home and spent a couple of hours texting Hannah, I was nervous about how she would react but anxious to get on with it, Hannah suggested leaving it a few hours. Patience is a virtue I usually have in spades and I found it interesting that in this case I was so impatient to get this done.

I arrived back outside her house in the early hours of the morning and parked directly outside her house. There was every chance I’d get caught doing this and had my plan B all ready, basically come clean immediately. I repeated my steps down the side and then with my heart pumping fast and butterflies in my chest, I pulled open the door and stepped inside.

Lois was kneeling in front of me, completely naked and spread wide. Her head was pulled back by the bondage she had put herself in and she had drool dripping from around the gag in her mouth. There were weighted clamps hanging from her nipples and pussy lips and a large ring from her clit. It took me a few seconds to work out what she’d done but then I realised the rope that was holding her head back was also a weighted crotch rope. Her pussy looked red and swollen, and wet, she was quite the sight to behond and it took considerable self restraint not to get involved in this wonderful scene, she looked gorgeous.

She was trying to say something, presumably asking who was there but I couldn’t understand through her gag. I could see her breathing was getting faster, she was freaking out, I smiled. After admiring her handiwork and her body though I stuck to my plan, I bent down close to her holding my breath and then kissed her on the cheek just below her eye leaving a red lipstick mark there so that she’d know that I was female.

She jumped a mile when I kissed her and almost headbutted me, I watched her moaning into her gag, the jerky movement had yanked on her crotch rope and the bricks hanging from it were swinging back and forth, I took pity on her a little and steadied them, then I bent down and took out my lipstick.

I expected this to be difficult, that she wouldn’t stay still while I drew on her chest but after the initial touch of the lipstick she cooperated while I wrote my phone number there. I didn’t know if she was scared or just being submissive but I appreciated her making that easier for me.

When I was done she quite calmly said “who is it” and managed to make it understandable despite the gag, she sounded almost pleading when she said it and it made me smile. I blew her a kiss and left the shed.

I waited outside the shed for at least ten minues, standing silently, to make sure she didn’t freak out so much that she hurt herself trying to get out of her bondage, then I left. I was very excited to have initiated things with her, excited thinking about her still in that shed and in bondage, forced to stay there and think about what had just happened. I imagined her fantasing about who it could be, her pussy dripping with the excitement, the humiliation and the shame of it.

It was a terrible idea.

In hindsight, knowing Lois more intimately and knowing the state of her mind at the time this was a huge mistake and overstep. What I’d intended as a fun and exciting introduction brought back a lot of fears and insecurities she has that I was not aware of at the time.

As planned I didn’t answer her calls straight away, my intention was to keep her guessing for a little longer, maybe call her back when I knew she couldn’t answer and then go silent again when she called back. I wanted her to be desperate and excited to find out who it was.

You should never question Lois’ intelligence or resourcefulness, it only took her a couple of days before she had my name and was yelling at Hannah, and I mean yelling. This was not any meek submissive girl from what I’ve been told, she was furious with Hannah and I felt terrible for damaging their friendship, Hannah was really upset too. She called me and I immediately called Lois.

I won’t go into the detail of that conversation but it started off quite unpleasant but ended in a much more friendly fashion.

A week or so later we went for a meal, Hannah and her sub, myself and Lois. I admit I was quite nervous about meeting her properly, after what had gone on we were hardly on the Domme/sub sort of footing I was hoping we would be so I had no idea how it would go. I was still fairly certain I’d blown any chance with her before we’d even met.

She was dressed a lot more casually than I was, I’d gone for boots and a dress which I think makes me look good and had worn the deep red lipstick that I had drawn on her with, she was in jeans! I don’t have a thing like most male Doms do where subs always have to wear dresses and skirts but this just told me she wasn’t seeing me as potential for dating.

Hannah very craftily motioned Lois into the booth next to her sub and then got in herself so that I would be facing Lois. As soon as we sat down Hannah upped the sexual tension by giving some orders to her sub, basically making her sit and masturbate while the rest of us talked.

I smiled watching the girl squirm and noticed Lois squirming a little herself and it gave me an idea. We all chatted quite civilly for a while, nothing overtly sexual but I was getting a good vibe from Lois and was certainly relaxing so when the food came and Hannah let her sub stop masturbating I suggested that Lois clean her fingers for her.

It was a bit of a risky move, after the drama with our meeting I thought it could go either way but I didn’t see the point in messing around. If she stormed off at least I’d know where we stood and could move on. The girls fingers were coated in her cum and Lois made out like she was going to lick them clean but then wiped them with a napkin at the last moment, I couldn’t help it, a laugh burst out of me.

I’m not sure why I found it so funny, part of me was definitely offended by her lack of respect and her defiance but part of me couldn’t help but be amused. This is because although the act itself was defiant it was plainly obvious that she was trying to make a point and that this was absolutely not her natural instinct or behaviour. I didn’t appreciate Hannah’s sub smirking though and gave her a sterm look, Hannah caned her for it later while I watched.

Hannah gave us a little time on our own later and I was definitely feeling mutual attraction from Lois, she was very attentive when I was speaking and very engaged in the conversation. She has since confessed she was trying to be very “unsubmissive” but I have to say she failed miserably, even if I hadn’t known I would have identified her as a submissive easily.

The night was drawing to a close and I was certain I wanted to spend more time with Lois so I asked and happily she agreed. I felt it was important to understand what I was asking for though so I took her glass of wine and, while she watched, let some saliva run from my mouth into it. A little uncouth I admit but I was improvising with little to work with, as the other two returned I quite serious told her not to disobery me again.

Despite that she didn’t touch her wine and ten minutes later we were getting up to leave. I needed some confirmation that this was going to go the way I wanted so I told Lois to finish her wine, which still had my bubbly spit floating on its surface. This was it for me, if she didn’t drink it I would walk away but she drank it all and the little blushing smile she gave me spoke a thousand words.

Lois was picked up by her sister and the three of us went back to Hannah’s home. After she was caned the sub was sent to bed and Hannah and I spent half the night talking about various things but I kept bringing it back to Lois. I was very excited, more excited than I had been about the scene in a long time. I saw huge potential in her as a sub and knew it would work well with us, we could both give each other what we needed and beyond that I could tell she was an amazing, intelligent, funny person that I could see myself spending a lot of happy time with. I was very excited about our next date.

I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while, giving my side of those turbulent events at the start. I’m no writer, I don’t have Lois’ skills in that area but hopefully it will come across well enough for her fans to enjoy it at least a little. If you did, let me know in the comments and I will maybe try and write my side of some of her other activities at some point.

Fiona