Someone asked me recently what submission means to me and I have my usual answer of ”it’s just the way I am, it’s my natural state”. I sometimes go into more detail about how I struggled with it for a long time and just wanted to be a “normal” girl and all of that stuff I’ve talked about on here before but it’s been a while since I’ve actually thought about this, what it means to me to be a submissive.
Even after putting some more thought into it my stock answer still holds up for the most part. Like being gay, straight, trans, non-binary, etc, etc, etc being submissive isn’t a choice, or I don’t believe it is anyway. I believe it is something that is hard wired into you and it was certainly that way for me, trust me when I say I made great efforts to escape it and, happily, failed.
What I haven’t often talked about and I don’t recall ever writing about on my blog is how the act of submitting feels in the moment. It’s a feeling that I genuinely live for and the reason that all those escape attempts failed, like a heroin addict coming back for that amazing high I am a submission addict.
If you think about it, and I mean really think about it, do you ever let your body entirely relax except for when you are unconscious? I don’t know a great deal about the biology of the human body beyond owning one (I also own a car and know nothing about those!) but I don’t think there is any time in my vanilla life where I am not in some way tensing parts of my body in order to sit a certain way, stand a certain way, walk a certain way. Even when relaxing on a sofa there is still tension in your body, I think that is how all bodies work?
There are occasions in my vanilla life where I have consciously made an effort to let all tension out of my body while lying down and just let it be and it feels really good to do that, but nothing compared with how I feel when I physically submit to another person
In that moment when I have ceded control to the other I feel a sense of peace and relaxation that I’ve never felt in any other situation. Actually now I think about it there is a small element of the same thing when I’m getting my hair cut, getting a piercing or tattoo or going for a doctors appointment where they need to touch you. I guess it’s related to giving control of yourself to them even if, like with the examples above, in a non-sexual way.
When it is in a more intimate setting though the sensations are multiplied dramatically. Standing before Fiona having no idea what she is going to do with me but also knowing she can do whatever she wants with me is such a hard to describe but heady feeling, it puts me in a sort of trance state where all of my senses are heightened and enhanced and all tension bleeds from my body.
The difference between a session when I feel this and one where I don’t is black and white, night and day. This is by no means a feeling I’ve had during every D/s encounter in my life and there have been plenty of sessions with Dominants in the past that I have thoroughly enjoyed without feeling it, but none of them beat the times that I did.
It is a feeling of intense care free well being and contentment and when I feel it I never want to stop feeling it, which of course I always did after the session but with Mistress it is different. The feeling is always there with her, not like it is in an intimate moment but every time I am with her, get a call or message from her or even just think about her I immediately feel it and that is the best thing in the world to me and why I know she is the one for me. My mind are hers at a subconscious level so it only makes sense for me to give my body to her at a conscious one.
What does submission mean to me? Everything
This is kind of rambling post where I’ve just vomited out the thoughts I’ve been having on the subject so apologies for that but I thought maybe you’d find it interesting. I’d very much enjoy any comments from other submissives if they feel something similar and from Dominants or Switches on whether they have an equivalent. I think it would be an interesting conversation.
Speaking of conversation my other site The Fet Library now has a free Discord server where people chat about stories and kink and Halo (😊)! If you’d like to join in just click this link, I’m trying to build a little community of like minded people there x