For much of my youth I was extremely sure about my sexuality, while I held no prejudice against any other sexuality I considered myself to be completely straight right up until I was confronted with the fact, or rather that I acknowledged the fact, that I wasn’t.
In the very first post on this blog, which is actually a post from 2006 that I recovered from a previous (now deleted) blog, I talk about how I am straight but that I like playing with Dominant women because I find it humiliating to be used by another woman. By the next recovered post from 2008 I was coming to the end of my first real D/s relationship with a woman.
The years in between, my early twenties, were very confusing for me as I began to look more deeply at myself and tried to better understand the things I was feeling. The fact I enjoyed the sexual activity I had with non-females but that there was no emotional connection for me, the exact opposite to the narrative I had always written for myself. I began to understand how I naturally separate the physical and emotional elements of sex and most of all began to really understand and accept that I was different.
At the time I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about this and my blog was really an amazing resource for me to pour out my feelings and thoughts and to get feedback from likeminded people, I had nothing like that in my real life not least because I was (and still am to a degree) very private about this side of my life.
There have been times in my life when I have been suicidal just because I am who I am and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone. I think it is wonderful that things like Pride month exist now and that people of all gender identities and sexualities can be more open about who they are and be accepted, I hope this move towards openness and acceptance continues and grows.
It’s because of the changes in the world, as well as the support of a loving partner, that I was able to come out to my family and friends that I am queer, something that I never thought I’d be able to do. And even go as far as to reveal the true nature of mine and Fiona’s relationship to my sister and some close friends.
It took a long time but I am genuinely proud of who I am, how I choose to live my life and who I choose to share it with so I thought this would be a good post to write during Pride Month.
In other happy news, I’ve managed to retrieve my domain and get my blog back to where it’s supposed to be!