Hindsight

Friends

When I was in my second year at University (College to any US readers) I was a very different person. For a start I was straight (or thought I was) and was really quite vanilla. It wasn’t long since I’d had my nipples pierced for the first time which was the event that awakened my masochism, you can read about that elsewhere on this blog.

I was much like any other girl at university really, studying, having fun and making friends whilst living in halls. Then in my second year I lived in a flat with two other girls who I’d met in the first year and this is the time I wanted to talk about in this post. The reason is, whilst I didn’t think much of it at the time or for years afterwards, I have recently come to realise that it was my first experience of dominance.

It wasn’t like this before we moved in together but a dynamic gradually built in the days and weeks after the first term started. One of the other girls I was living with, I’ll call her Christine, started to ask me to do things. It was small things like to make a coffee in the morning when she got up or to get her something from the shops while I was out but she never asked the other girl we lived with or our other friends, it was always me.

I kind of liked it, it made me feel like I was her “best” friend and the one she relied on for things. Being young, that was important to me especially as Christine was the prettiest and most popular of our group. As time went on some of these things became routine, for example I was always up before her and made her a coffee and brought it into her room without being asked, at first she thanked me but then she stopped and we both just accepted the routine.

After a few weeks, rather than asking me to get things while I was out she started leaving me little shopping lists, she would go into my room when I was out or even when I was in the shower and leave them on my bed. Despite the agreed rule that we didn’t go into each others rooms without permission this didn’t really apply to her and my room, or to me and her room because I often went in to her room to drop off the things I’d bought for her.

One time I was heading to the laundry room to do my washing and she saw me, she said something along the lines of “Oh would you be a darling and throw some of my things in with yours?”, I said I would and she said to grab them off the floor in her room then she left. I went back to her room and found her laundry basket almost empty and dirty clothes all over the place on the floor. I remember feeling like I should be annoyed but really not being and instead just going round picking up her dirty clothes and underwear (she was a bit of a messy person!) and then taking them to wash with mine. I washed, dried and folded them all before leaving them on the end of her bed. Again, after a few times of asking me to do her washing it became routine, she stopped asking and I just collected her stuff when I did my own.

I honestly didn’t think much about this, we were really good friends and spent most of our free time together and I didn’t mind doing a few chores for her, that’s what friends are for isn’t it? It wasn’t until nearly Christmas that the other girl who lived with us mentioned it when we were alone, she asked if it bothered me that Christine had me doing all of her chores but never did anything for me. I found myself playing how much I did for her down, “It’s only a few things for a friend, I don’t mind helping her, she’s not good with the domestic stuff is she?”. In hindsight I knew she was right but put it out of my mind, I think subconsciously I didn’t want to answer the question of WHY I didn’t mind it.

Remember I was entirely straight at this point in my life, I’d never had any experiences with other girls and didn’t know much about BDSM, I was at the very beginning of finding out about it all. I was also desperate to be “normal”, I’d discovered that I liked pain and that it turned me on but I didn’t want to be that way. Being “normal” was very important to me at this time in my life.

This all continued after Christmas, we hung out a lot and it was completely normal except that I did everything for us. Made the drinks, fetched duvets for us to lay under while watching movies, whatever needed doing I did it but it was purely platonic.

Then Christine started to get a little, well, slutty! She discovered that she liked all the attention she got from guys and started to have some fun with it and when I say “some” I mean “a lot”! There was a student night at a local club and we went every week and most weeks she picked up a guy to bring back to the flat.

The thing is, she didn’t just pick up guys for her. The first time it happened the guy she was chatting up had a friend, he didn’t want to leave his friend and Christine basically guilt tripped me into chatting to his friend so that we could all go home and she could fuck the guy, I ended up drunkenly giving his friend a blow job.

Over the next few months this also became routine, her choosing a guy on a night out and then choosing one for me too. This is the part that I really should have thought was strange at the time, no one else picked up on it because no one else knew except me and her that she was basically choosing men for me and I was going along with it whether I was attracted to the guy or not.

This only went on for a few months and then she seemed to realise that she was sleeping with too many guys and calmed down a bit, which meant my sex life also went back to normal!

One time whilst I was retrieving her dirty laundry from her bedroom floor I found a vibrator under her bed. Of course I had my own vibrator but mine was a tiny bullet one, hers was a rabbit style one and looked huge to me! I took it out and looked at it, put my hand around its girth to see how big it felt, I was definitely wet thinking about it being used. Then I heard a noise and, jumping, I spun around to face the door but there was no one there. I returned the vibrator to it’s place under the bed and left her room.

On my birthday a month later she gave me a lovely bracelet but when I went to bed that night there was an extra package on my bed, it was a rabbit vibrator just like hers. We never discussed it, she never as much as gave me a knowing smile, but we both knew she’d caught me with hers and we both knew what we got up to in our rooms on our own at night!

The following year we lived in a house with three other girls and although I think Christine tried to keep me doing her chores the other girls wouldn’t have it, they called her lazy and despite me saying I didn’t mind they wouldn’t allow me to do as much for her and we ended up becoming less close, still friends in the same group but not as much of a “group within a group”. We kept in touch after I left university but I never spoke with her again after I left London.

I hadn’t thought about her in many years until Mistress and I were talking when I was at home last week. I’d never considered that time to be anything more than girls living together at university but in hindsight I think she basically Domme’d me, but without any sexual element. She had me wrapped around her little finger and I would have done pretty much anything for her and we were both perfectly happy with it. I don’t think she did it intentionally, I think she was naturally dominant and I was naturally submissive and we just fell into it with each other. I do wonder where she is now and whether she ever got into the lifestyle like I have.

This all came as a bit of a revelation to me recently so I thought I’d share it on here with you all, I hope you enjoy learning a little bit more about my past and what makes me the woman I am today!

4 thoughts on “Hindsight

  1. Sweet really… the insight on yourself and that realisation. Fascinating reading. Thanks for sharing.

  2. It is also very interesting to read about your life, current and your past.

    I get the impression that with this revelation of your uni life, you aren’t looking back at your friendship with her and thinking “that bitch, I was used”, I think you’re looking back at it quite fondly and with new appreciation, almost like learning something new about yourself and liking it. And I could imagine if you ever spoke to this woman again, you then probably thanking her for unknowingly awakening the submissive side to you. Maybe without her you wouldn’t have gone down the road you have taken.

  3. I too have only realized what really happened during certain events in my life when I looked back at them years later. It wasn’t that I didn’t know all the details, just that I didn’t understand the deeper implications until reflecting on them much later, as a more well informed person. Thanks for sharing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s