Things with Fiona

sad

I’ve not mentioned Fiona in a while and that’s mainly because things stalled somewhat after quite a promising start, well actually I guess it was a bit of a rocky start but then a good restart?

I wrote about one date we went on but there were a few others after that and I was feeling quite positive about things with her, we were talking a lot and we had sex once and that was when the problem arose.

I’m not sure why she chose that moment to reveal this piece of information but the morning after I’d stayed at her place she told me that she had a couple that she had played with regularly for over a year, she was Dominant to both of them and played a role in their relationship on a day to day basis, it was a significant commitment she had made.

I can’t really pinpoint the exact reason but this upset me more than it maybe should have, I made an excuse shortly afterwards and left. In hindsight that was a childish reaction and I should have talked to her about it there and then, instead I got into my car and drove home almost in tears.

I felt like she had grossly betrayed my trust and allowed things to go further than she should have without telling me, it felt like only telling me after we had slept together was manipulative and that she’d done it that way in order to make it harder for me leave once she’d told me and I was hurt that she was carrying on with me whilst “playing” with someone else behind my back.

I don’t know how much of that is rational or justified but I reacted badly to it, those who have following my blog for a while probably think that I react to things like this badly, you’re not alone, almost everyone who knows me thinks the same, I think the same. I blanked her for a week, ignoring her calls and texts, until she eventually turned up at my door.

Then we argued, she tried to explain that it had been going on for a long time before she met me, that it was about the control and not about sex and that she didn’t tell me for so long because she didn’t know where things were going with us yet and didn’t want to ruin things. I told her I didn’t care what she thought, she should have told me the truth from the start and especially before sleeping with me, I asked her “how am I supposed to trust you after you made me feel like I was special to you when clearly I’m not enough for you”.

Remembering it, writing about it, now actually makes me think about something else, someone else, and whether my upset and anger was really about what she’d done or whether it’s about someone else. Hmm….

draftsAnyway, we didn’t speak for a while after that and it was about that time that I restarted plans for the fantasies which eventually led on to me organising the “Dogging week”. Regarding that, I will still be posting about all those, I’m over half way through writing about them but I promised to send them to the person who organised it for me first, after they have seen them I’ll post them I promise. ——————————->

You know when I mentioned I don’t react to things well? I think this is a perfect example of that, rather than talking about what was bothering me with someone, like Hannah for instance who knows us both and could possibly help, I engaged in various depraved acts with complete strangers. Although saying that it’s not like I don’t do things like that anyway so maybe it’s not that bad.

Anyway, it seemed like it was completely over and then out of the blue I get a message from Fiona asking me to meet her for a drink.

The thing about me is that when I get involved with someone I dive head first into it very quickly, I try not to every time but I think it’s just the way I’m made or something to do with my submissive nature or something, I don’t know, it’s definitely a flaw in my personality though because it gets me hurt every time. So I’d been missing her and agreed to meet her mainly because of that.

I met her at a bar and we sat at a table in the corner, it was awkward at first but then we both relaxed a little, I’d calmed down about it a lot by this point. She apologised for the way she handled the situation and explained that she had made a commitment to the couple and that she didn’t feel she could just drop them, especially before she knew where things were going with me. She said that she had spoken to the couple and told them about me and that she would possibly have to end things with them.

She was saying all the right things and it did make me feel good that she was willing to do that for me, I apologised for the way I reacted and agreed to think about what I wanted to do, if I wanted to resume things. When we parted I felt better, this was shortly before I went on holiday so we’d agreed to wait until I was home to talk again.

Since I’ve been home we’ve been on one date, it’s kind of like things have been reset back to when we first met, like our initial attempt at something never happened. I’m happy with where we are though, so we’ll see what happens.

By the way, if you’re wondering about the picture at the top, I’m not sure. I searched for “confused girl” or something and it came up and I liked it so…there you go!

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