Kayleigh came round after work last night to discuss the plans for my week of TPE, we discussed it for a while and I think we are both happy with the plans for it. However, I had also decided to tell her about this blog which is something that I have been wrestling with for some time as most of you will know.
I started this blog as a substitute for discussing things with my friends because discussing being a lesbian with then, never mind BDSM, was really out of the question for reasons that I have gone into in detail before. Since then I have “come out” as bi-sexual to those friends and am building up to doing the same with my family, which is a much scarier undertaking! So you could say that the blog has served half of it’s purpose already really. However the other half is probably even more important to me, I will never “come out” to of them about the BDSM side of my life so this blog is really the only outlet, apart from Kayleigh herself, that I have to express my feelings and get input from like-minded people.
I decided to tell Kayleigh about it for a few reasons, none of them new. For a start she is my Domme and I shouldn’t be keeping secrets from her, especially when I have already been punished for keeping secrets and agreed not to keep anymore, a blatant lie! Secondly, I don’t want to keep secrets from her, I am serious about being a submissive and I want to carry out my role as well as I possible can.
So anyway, I was decided on that course of action so when we finished talking about the TPE plans I told her about it. She was furious!
I completely understand her reaction and I didn’t try to defend myself until she asked me why I hadn’t told her about it. Then I explain basically what I have said above, that it is an important outlet for me and I was worried that she would either make me stop or want to be involved in it or read it which would change the dynamic of it completely and I would lose it as an outlet.
To her credit, despite her anger, she understood and accepted that but stated in no uncertain terms that it was no excuse for flat-out lying to her, I felt extremely ashamed of myself.
When she had calmed down a little bit she explained to me why she was so angry, that trust was had to be absolute with her and that she could not and would not tolerate any more lies from me. She asked me flat out if I had any more secrets and I said no, which is true, she said that she should just leave me but that she thought we had something that shouldn’t be thrown away because of my stupidity, I was crying at this point, I thought she was going to leave me.
Eventually she said that I was on my last chance, if she found out about one more lie from me she would be gone and it would be my own fault. I apologised, a lot and thanked her for giving me another chance.
She surprised me then by saying that she could see the blog was important to me and that she didn’t really care about me writing the blog, though she said it would have been nice to be asked, and that she will allow me to continue writing it and that she would make no effort to read it or to find out the details of it. I was feeling very grateful then but also even more stupid and ashamed for not telling her about it sooner!
Then she told me the punishment for lying and my heart sank.
Starting last night I must be in my cage by 10pm each night, I have to send her a text showing me locked in the cage at exactly 10pm each night and it must be locked with a timer lock set to eight hours, so I am allowed out at 6am. She also put me in my chastity belt, locked it and took the keys. This will last for seven days during which time I am not allowed to contact her in any way except to send the pictures.
I slept in the cage last night and let me tell you, it isn’t at all comfortable and it is extremely boring! Tonight I think I will put the cage in the lounge so at least I can watch TV!
The punishment lasts until next Thursday, it’s going to be tough. For one I don’t generally go a day without masturbating, especially since getting the piercing and I can already feel a need building up inside me that I am not going to be able to satisfy at all (I can only really cum from clitoral stimulation). Then there is the eight hours a day in the cage which is going to be complete hell, it’s so cramped and horrible being in there! And worst of all is not being able to contact Kayleigh, I text her all the time and not being able to contact her in anyway is going to be impossible! I think I would have preferred it if she had just broken my fingers!
After I have served my punishment we are going to start the TPE on the Friday so at least I have that to look forward to. Although I say look forward to it, it might be even worse than the punishment!
I am starting to think this TPE week will be make or break for me and Kayleigh, I think we have got to a point in the relationship where we are ticking along quite nicely and I think this might be her way of testing to see if it will go where she wants it to. She is still young and I think she wants to know if she is wasting time with me that she could be spending meeting new people. She hasn’t said any of this, it’s just what I have come up with on my own but I think it makes sense. My plan is to make sure she doesn’t want to live without me after that TPE week is over.
Last thing, it’s her birthday on 2nd July, she’ll be 22. I need to think of some good presents to get her, normal ones and of course kinky ones. I think I’ll be OK on the normal ones but I would appreciate help with the kinky ones! She likes things that lock as you know, I’d lie to get her something really different, something that you don’t see in your average BDSM store but I’m coming up blank in my Google searches! Help please?!
I was asked in a chat message about my timer padlocks. This is a picture of one, I have two. They work just like a normal padlock except once you push it down you turn the timer to lock it. One full turn is an hour and you can turn it up to eight times. I have no idea where they came from, I was given them by my ex Mistress when she moved to Australia and I have never found them anywhere despite spending a long time looking. I think they may have been custom-made but I don’t know for sure. They are fun anyway!