For much of my youth I was extremely sure about my sexuality, while I held no prejudice against any other sexuality I considered myself to be completely straight right up until I was confronted with the fact, or rather that I acknowledged the fact, that I wasn’t.
In the very first post on this blog, which is actually a post from 2006 that I recovered from a previous (now deleted) blog, I talk about how I am straight but that I like playing with Dominant women because I find it humiliating to be used by another woman. By the next recovered post from 2008 I was coming to the end of my first real D/s relationship with a woman.
The years in between, my early twenties, were very confusing for me as I began to look more deeply at myself and tried to better understand the things I was feeling. The fact I enjoyed the sexual activity I had with non-females but that there was no emotional connection for me, the exact opposite to the narrative I had always written for myself. I began to understand how I naturally separate the physical and emotional elements of sex and most of all began to really understand and accept that I was different.
At the time I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about this and my blog was really an amazing resource for me to pour out my feelings and thoughts and to get feedback from likeminded people, I had nothing like that in my real life not least because I was (and still am to a degree) very private about this side of my life.
There have been times in my life when I have been suicidal just because I am who I am and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone. I think it is wonderful that things like Pride month exist now and that people of all gender identities and sexualities can be more open about who they are and be accepted, I hope this move towards openness and acceptance continues and grows.
It’s because of the changes in the world, as well as the support of a loving partner, that I was able to come out to my family and friends that I am queer, something that I never thought I’d be able to do. And even go as far as to reveal the true nature of mine and Fiona’s relationship to my sister and some close friends.
It took a long time but I am genuinely proud of who I am, how I choose to live my life and who I choose to share it with so I thought this would be a good post to write during Pride Month.
In other happy news, I’ve managed to retrieve my domain and get my blog back to where it’s supposed to be!
There are a number of holes in my body beyond the obvious three so I thought I’d write about them all and how my Mistress sees fit to put them to good use! I’ll start with the ones I was born with and then talk about the after market ones that Fi decided my body needed.
Beyond my dietary and communication needs my mouth is there to service Mistress however she wants, I’ve used it to give her direct pleasure on pretty much every inch of her body at one time or another, some more than others! She also uses it to clean up messes and spills as well as her personal toilet when the mood takes her. I remember one time she spilt a load of soy sauce on the floor and had me clean it up “manually”. I hadn’t cleaned the floor in a few days and it was horrible to lick up pure soy anyway, I really did not enjoy that! Mistress is also not shy about using my extensive oral skills on other people either as I’ve written about before.
My pussy is used for pleasure, either mine or somebody else’s and it does it fairly well even if I do say so myself! It’s had a multitude of different things pushed into it, whether its a strap-on, a dildo, a vibe, a vegetable, a flesh and blood cock or something more adventurous it’s probably been in my pussy and someone has got some enjoyment out of it. Similarly my ass has been well used over the years and has had various items introduced to it, most notably a 52cm long toy which I managed (eventually) to take fully inside me.
So on to the holes that I wasn’t born with but Mistress decided I should have anyway. Actually, the first wasn’t Mistress at all, both my ears are pierced but I had those done myself a long time ago. They’ve never been used for play and while I don’t always wear earrings in them I do fairly regularly.
Then there is my septum, I’ve had this pierced for a few years now and most of the time I wear a simple clear acrylic retainer in it which is completely invisible when turned upwards. The only time something else is in it is when Mistress decides to “use” it which makes it very much a practical thing that Mistress wanted to have done to me. Over the first year she increased the size of the hole to 6g (about 4mm) which was big enough for anything she wanted to do with it. She has different sized rings that she will put in the piercing, from one that is tight around my nose to one that hangs to the bottom of my chin. She also has a dog leash that she often clips into it so she can lead me around and “control me”, also on more than one occasion she has attached me to an object or another person with a padlock through it. I’ve spent time with my septum piercing locked to both the clit hood and cock head piercings of complete strangers.
My nipples were modified and pierced by mutual agreement although by the time it was done my agreement was most certainly not needed. For those that don’t already know my nipples have been tattooed around my areola in the same colour to make them into a heart shape, there are photos of this on other posts. My nipples were also pierced and those piercings have now been stretched to 10g (about 3mm) and contain rings that, when closed using a special “key” that Mistress holds, cannot be opened. They look like a continuous metal ring and we really like them, plus they are useful for Mistress to hang things from or use in bondage (now they are fully healed and can take some abuse) and have the added bonus that my nipples are hard and sensitive 100% of the time!
And for right now, that is it! As people who’ve been reading longer will know I did at one point have a clit piercing that ended up getting torn and I have had various temporary holes put in my pussy lips, tits and tongue but they were all allowed to heal up so that they could get new holes put in them another time!
If you’ve visited the site you’ll see that I’ve started to make some changes to it to bring it a little more up to date, it’s still a work in progress so bare with me but one of the things I wanted to do was give it a title, and I decided upon “Learning from My Mistakes” because a lot of the stories I seem to write about are the result of me doing something silly or being punished for doing something I should, as demonstrated in my last two posts!
I felt the title fit quite well and was something a bit more interesting than just “Pain Slut Lois” like it has been for the last (oh god!) 15 years of my blog! Are you sure you want more of this rambling nonsense?
Often times it is my mouth that gets me in the most trouble. A good example would be… I’m not sure, a while ago when Fi had brought home a friend and a couple of bottles of wine to go with the meal I’d made for us one Friday night. I took one sip and blurted out “That tastes like piss!”, I know I know, sometimes I have impulse control issues but in my defence it was pretty dodgy wine and it wasn’t entirely cold.
I knew I’d messed up from the look Miss gave me, it was the kind of look that most people would dismiss as a quick glance with maybe a hint of surprise mixed in there but that I know means “Well you’ll be paying for that later!” and my cheeks pinkened. To be honest the lok was unnecessary, I knew as soon as I’d said it that it was a mistake and Mistress knew that I knew that but she does love to make me squirm.
And squirm I did, for the rest of the evening I was distracted wondering what the consequences of my outburst would be. Fi has a way of administering something that in another scenario I might quite enjoy, such as a spanking or caning, in a way that really makes it feel like a punishment. A lack of warm up, the sharp suddenness of her actions, there are a hundred subtle changes she makes that makes it feel like I am being punished and makes it an unpleasant experience rather than a fun one.
As it turned out the punishment wouldn’t have been fun no matter how she shaped it for me. Appropriately considering my outburst I would be drinking her piss for a week, and not just any piss, her morning piss
She explained that this would a) remind me what piss tastes like so that I wouldn’t confuse her wine with it in future and b) make my mouth taste as foul as it sounded. I have to admit she does have a good knack for making the punishment fit the crime!
So every day for the next week I’d find a pint glass, yes a pint glass, filled with fairly dark yellow liquid sitting on the toilet seat after Fi had finished getting herself ready for the day and I’d kneel in front of the toilet, take the glass in my hand and slowly drain the very strong tasting urine down my throat being careful not to spill any as I was inevitably wearing a suit or something for work.
Mistress never watched me do it, it wasn’t a scene or a play session, I merely showed her the empty glass afterwards so she could confirm she was happy I’d completed my punishment that day and then we went on with our day. The only difference that week is that she refrained from giving me a goodbye kiss as we both left for work given I wasn’t allowed to rinse my mouth afterwards and, as he put it, “I have no interest in knowing what piss tastes like”.
For those that are not educated in such matters, no wine, no matter how bad, tastes like somebodies morning piss 🥂
Thank you so much for all of the kind words and encouragement I have received over the last couple of days both in comments and through my other means of contact (Twitter/FetLife), it has been really lovely and has meant a lot to me. So it is decided, I will dust off the old journal and get back to writing about some of the adventures I go on with Mistress Fiona.
I’ll spend some time making the site look pretty again (it’s looking very 2018 at the moment!) and in the meantime have a think about some things we have done that might make interesting reading.
Another short (although it didn’t feel like it at the time) thing I was talking about the other day was how Mistress uses my septum piercing. For those that don’t know I have my septum pierced and most of the time I have a small plastic spacer in it which I mostly don’t notice and is almost impossible to see unless you’re looing directly up my nose which I would hope most people don’t!
It gets used for various things, Mistress might attach a dog leash to it so she can lead my around by it, it’s had large and heavy rings in it that hang over my mouth and I’ve ben locked to objects (and people!) with a padlock through it.
On this occasion I’d absentmindedly pinched her bum as I walked past her and Mistress was not amused! She put a ring in my nose, cuffed my hands behind my back and then made me stand on a step while she hooked the nose ring over the clothes hook on the back of the bathroom door. The step was removed and I was left not quite able to put my feet flat on the floor for about two hours!
Ironically the only part of me that didn’t hurt when I was set free was my nose, I was so worried about ripping the ring out that I protected it at the expense of literally every other part of my body! My calves and thighs were agony, my neck was sore, my arms were aching and it took me a while to fully recover!
Suffice to say I haven’t pinched my Mistresses bum since and will certainly be keeping better control of my subconscious actions in future, unless of course I’m feeling particularly masochistic! 😈
I will update the links and everything on my blog when I sort it out but for those who have asked, you can contact me here on the comments, on twitter or on FetLife. For the latter of those please don’t send a friend request unless we have had at least one or two actual conversations! Thanks x
The last time I wrote a proper post I was about to get married and now we’ve just celebrated our two year anniversary!
And what a strange time it’s been! Fingers crossed we’re nearly done with it though, I’ve had one jab and it won’t be too long before I have my second one.
I’ve been thinking for a while that I’d quite like to get back to writing again, I’ve got no idea if anyone really looks here anymore or if it would be “successful” but I always found writing this blog fairly cathartic and very much enjoyed the back and forth in the comments and I miss that.
I was talking to a friend the other day (Slave Mila) and she encouraged me to get back into it and I told her about a little funny story that we thought might make a good post.
A few weeks ago I was reading a book when Mistress came into the room and told me to get up and follow her. I did and she lead me to the cupboard under the stairs and told me to get into the cupboard and stay there until morning!
I was kind of shocked, I wasn’t aware of having done anything to deserve a punishment but decided that rather than questioning it (and potentially getting myself in more trouble) I’d just go with it.
This cupboard is basically a dumping ground of stuff and all the floor space in it taken up with…well, stuff. I managed to get in and she immediately closed the door putting me into pitch darkness.
I just stood there for a few minutes kind of bewildered and then I tried to move some things around so I could at least sit down (I sat on a cardboard box which I later found out held a spare water thing for the coffee machine, and high I broke).
Time rolled on and I started to realise this Miss wasn’t coming back for me and I made some more space resigning myself to sleeping in the hot and cramped space.
I slept curled around the recycling bin with my head a bunch of carrier bags for a pillow (not my best idea, noisiest pillow ever!) and eventually in the morning the door opened and I found a cup of coffee writhing for me as I crawled out on all fours squinting at the bright light. I’d been in the cupboard for nearly twelve hours.
Mistress watched me crawl out from the breakfast bar with a wicked smile on her face and I joined her there. She enquired “sleep well?” and I replied “yes fine thanks, you?” (I don’t always like to give her the satisfaction!) and she just smiled.
Once I’d finished my coffee I ask “Are you going to tell me why you put me in the cupboard?”. Her reply was “No real reason, I was bored. I thought you’d come out to ask why and then I’d let you off but you didn’t so I just let you stay there.”
I realised that I hadn’t really thought about or worried about what I’d done to end up in the predicament, I’d just got on with it. I was kind of pleased with myself for that, also furious with Mistress!
This is a perfect example of how she loves to mess with me, she is the queen of the mind fuck and while I don’t always enjoy it at the time, it certainly keeps things interesting between us!
I hope you enjoyed this little insight into our married lives together tame though this tale may be. I’d love to hear from people in the comments and I’ll try and write some more soon x
I just wanted to post a note to say that my blog is still here, just not at the painslutlois.com address anymore.
Unfortunately while I was away with work the domain expired and someone managed to purchase (aka steal!) it before I could get it renewed and I’ve been unable to acquire it back, consequently the blog is back on it’s original address of https://secretsubslut.wordpress.com/.
Whilst I’ve not been posting updates on here for some time (I don’t really know what to write anymore without just rehashing things I’ve written about before) I am still working on my Fet Library site and improvements and new features are always getting added, for instance I am testing a direct messaging feature on there as of yesterday.
Please come and check out the site, add stories if you have them, read and review stories and share the link everywhere you go!
I hope you are all keeping safe at this very worrying time in the world and using the time indoors wisely by exploring all sorts of new kinks!
It’s nearly the end of the year, can you believe that? The end of the year I got married no less! It’s been probably my best one yet, Miss Fiona and I are very happy and loving our new life together. The house is pretty much done to our liking, including that naughty little room below the ground which we’ve spent many a memorable night, and day, in.
Thank you for all the nice messages and good wishes you sent around the wedding, I really loved reading them and replied to as many as I could. I am still about, mostly on FetLife and do get round to replying to messages eventually but my priority these days is my job, my home and my wife(slash Mistress!).
If you miss reading about my sub life then you might find these other blogs worth checking out:
MLSlavePuppet (https://mlslavepuppet.com/) I’ve been in touch with her on and off for a while and I really enjoy reading about her burgeoning relationship with her Mistress (also named Lois). She posts often and gets up to some really fun looking things.
StudentSlave (https://studentslave.wordpress.com/) She is very new to the scene and has just started at university where she has made plans to expand her BDSM horizons. It will be interesting to see where it goes.
I hope you are all well and enjoying your own kinky lives as much as I am and if I don’t speak to you have a wonderfully, lovely and kinky Christmas!
It has been some time indeed since I have written here, there are lots of reasons for that none of which are all that interesting really, the overriding one being a lack of free time and if I’m completely honest my drive to continue with the blog has waned somewhat.
Things in my life have progressed at quite a blistering pace since I met Fiona, the events of which you are all familiar with as my writing was quite prolific at the time. Since then I have a new home which I share with my beautiful Mistress, a new job ,a closer relationship to my family than ever before and on Saturday I will become Fiona’s wife, and her mine.
I almost wrote that this is the end of a long road to happiness but it is actually the start of a long road of happiness that I can’t wait to start down. I know this is a bit soppy and not really what this blog has been about but I think that is a reflection of where I am at now.
I started this blog, way back in 2006 (omg!) as a way to express a part of myself that, at the time, I kept hidden from pretty much everyone who knew me properly and only indulged with elicit activities and affairs. Later I documented my various relationships, the ups and the downs and I feel like I took a lot of you with me on the journey to where I am now.
Where I am now is the happiest I have ever been, I can be openly me, the submissive masochistic girl from London to my sister, all of our scene friends (of which I now have many) and even to some of my more open minded vanilla friends. I’ve made peace with past demons including some that I’d buried very deep inside myself. Fiona has moulded me into the person she wants me to be, but also into the person I want to be and I’ll never be able to express how grateful I am to her for that.
In January of last year, 2018, Mistress set me some goals to complete and at the beginning of this year I promised an update on those, so here goes:
Submit to a permanent body modification of my choosing
This was completed and then some! Miss had my nipples tattooed with hearts around them and pierced my septum. I also have a tattoo on my lower abdomen which is a heart which incorporates an F and finally I now have a Christina piecing.
Spend four weeks in chastity
This one unfortunately never happened, however this was more down to Mistress than me and she freely admitted as much and gave me a pass on it.
Contact and make peace with the person who caused her to leave London
This absolutely happened and I did write about it. This one has actually had quite a profound effect on my life and I have become, not friends but friendly with the person in question and she actually comes to me for advice quite often.
Give an orgasm to 52 people that she hadn’t met before 2018
The final tally was:
1 dildo gag
1 oral, anal & vaginal
Speak to her mother every other day
I didn’t literally speak to her every day but I did keep a note of when I did and I surpassed called her on 50% of the days of the year which was good enough for Mistress. And my relationship with my mother has never been better.
Achieve an average daily views count of 500 on this blog
In 2018 I got 138,266 views on my blog, which is a staggering 52,747 more than the previous highest year I have had but still way below what was needed to achieve 500 views per day.
Buy a new house with me (Mistress)
This absolutely happened and we have spent the last few months turning it into a home, our home and we are loving it. Work on the dungeon begins in a few months.
Have her septum pierced
This happened, I now have a permanent hole in my septum, sometimes Mistress has me wear a ring in it, sometimes she uses it to attach a least, sometimes she puts a padlock in it and sometimes, she has that padlock attached to something or someone else!
Experience Domming a submissive
This didn’t really happen, it sort of did in that I tried it but it was highly unsuccessful and Mistress allowed me to stop before it got to cringy. It did give me a better understanding of what it is like to be the “top” in this sort of relationship though, I didn’t like it!
Achieve two of her fantasies
This was completed, I spent a weekend with a trans person and also recreated a scene from torture galaxy where my nipples were nailed to a wooden board and then skewers were pushed through my tits, then more skewers were pushed vertically through my pussy lips and electrified.
Fully expose her lifestyle to at least one person who has known her in real life for more than five years
There are actually two of my vanilla friends who are aware of how I live my life and the full extent of my relationship with Mistress. They don’t know any gory details but they know I am submissive, am a masochist and am controlled in certain ways my my partner. It hasn’t affected my relationship with them one bit.
Exceed her current “most painful torture”
This tied in with the Torture Galaxy scene, having skewers vertically through my pussy lips was absolute agony, much worse that through my tits which I’d had done before albeit a long time ago.
All in all I think I did a good job with those goals in 2018, I didn’t achieve them all but I did most and learn something from each and every one of them which Mistress said was the aim of them in the first place so she had no complaints on my performance. Although that didn’t mean I didn’t get punished for each one I failed on which made for a fun New Years Eve!
Something else that I have put quite a lot of work into it The Fet Library which is my fetish erotic story site. The site has been steadily growing in weekly visitors and I even paid for a little advertising to test the waters (didn’t seem to make much difference to visitor numbers to be honest). There are forums there and the site now has a twitter account where it will post details of new stories as they are published. Please check it out, register and enjoy. I’d love it if more people started using the forums there.
So, his will likely not be the last time I post something on this blog but this is the end of me posting about my kink related activities. I feel like I have given a lot of myself here and it is time to focus on just living my new life with my new wife (her look at that I’m a pet and didn’t know it!) so that is what I am going to do. If I have anything interesting to talk about I might drop in an post something but for now this is it.
If you want to get in touch with me the best way is probably through FetLife (painslutlois) which I log onto at least once a week but please don’t just friend me without saying hello first as I won’t reply.
Thank you so much to everyone who has kept coming back to read my poorly spelled posts and interacted with me over the years. This blog and by extension you guys have saved me and kept me going so many times when I was struggling with myself, life and everything really and I will be eternally grateful for that. I wish you all well for the future and hope to speak with you on FetLife or The Fet Library soon.
Hey everyone, Happy New Year, I hope you had a great time on New Years Eve and are looking forward to 2019, I certainly am! I’m getting married this year, how weird is that?!
Anyway, whilst I do intend to post here more often then I have been, starting with an update on my 2018 goals (spoiler alert, I didn’t complete them all!) this isn’t that post. This post is about helping someone I know get in touch with the type of people who might read my blog.
The girl in question has been reading my blog and been in contact with me for over six years, I have met her in person on a couple of occasions and can confirm that she is a real, sweet, beautiful woman. However, for various reasons she has zero online presence on non-Vanilla sites, she is the ultimate “lurker” (Sorry hun!) which makes it very difficult for her to get in touch with people to do what she has decided to do.
What is that you may ask. Well she is looking for an online only Dom or Domme to give her tasks to complete, control aspects of her life and generally have some kinky fun with but in a very anonymous way, quite similar to what I used to do through this blog and with various people over the years.
There are a few caveats but the main ones are that she will not share any information about her identity, she is restricted somewhat by her home life and will not share any pictures of herself. She wants to feel controlled and likes the idea of a contract being involved (written by you) and has assured me she is willing to go quite far within the limits that get set in the contract.
If you would be interested in such an arrangement then please leave a comment on this post making sure you are either logged into a wordpress account off that you enter your email address when commenting and I will pass your address on to her so that she can share more detail about herself and what she is looking for and see if you are compatible.
Thanks for reading and check back soon for an update from me xx